Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

What the Hell Do We Do Now?

Deer season is over, it is too early for golf. What are the members of the famous Christmas Place Nature Lovers Club supposed to do? a quick interview of our members and guest gave some surprising results.

Paul is on the gulf coast. Is he working with the aftermath of Katrina. Hell No! Mr. Howell is gearing up for his usual 23 national championships that his children play in. It was 37 but the girls have become interested in a new sport called BOYS!

Trent is here is Water Valley working hard. He accidently missed foreclosing on a couple of orphanages and is working overtime to correct this. Mr. Howell is also a judge and since all criminals were either released or not sentenced because of deer season, The Judge is busy rounding them up and lastly he is still supporting the local speed traps by taking peoples beer, fining hell out of Oxford people and keeping the local coffers full.

Hershel is hobbling around playing golf ever-day. Weekends he plants tree at the club. He has told me that he doesn't think he will hunt out of tree stands this year, it is too hard on his knees. He is only 79. It is embarrassing for a man his age to beat the hell out of you playing golf.

Mr. Jones is busy selling insurance and giving the Democrats hell. He visits websites that are induced to invite rage from him. He sits, he smokes, he drinks, he screams ! His new blog will be Death to Democrats!

Bobby is working at Howell Realty. His job is to sleep with his feet on the desk, and if the phone rings, tells Rex to get it.

Rex is busy, chasing Miss Denise, running a blog, keeping a crazy dog and handling his kids is more than a job for one man. Being an editor is time consuming if you are not aware.

Mark Stewart is still running your mail. I am sure the Chattanoga River is full of your mail circulars by now. He killed one deer and I am sure he will want to personally tell every SOB in America about it.

Burney Howell is running those crap tables, raking away your money and dreaming about ducks, deer and Vegas odds. His thoughts turn early to fish though, so he may make it for another month until spawning season.

Thunderhoof has gone to the coast for Mardi Gras, by now his horns are filled with beads and drunk, naked women are riding him around the streets of Gulfport. What the hell am I doing here?????????

Deer and Catfish Fight


Amphibian -vs- Mammal
Aqua, MS 10/95> today in the rolling hills against the Mississippi Delta, one of the rarest meetings between animals was observed by the renowned naturalist, liar and semi-concious Hershel Howell. He said " I saw this 10 point getting a drink of water, when this huge catfish jumped out of the water and attacked the poor thing. It was a down right terrible struggle with the catfish biting and fining the deer and the deer fighting the catfish off with his antlers. Then stated "At the last, the deer escaped and I managed to shoot the catfish with an arrow" Mr. Howell supplied a picture of the catfish, but not of the deer or arrow. The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Catfish and Other Ugly Fish (S.P.C.C.O.U.F) is now looking into the matter.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Protecting The Innocent


Due to legal muckety-muck and long winded
lawyer talk about copywrites, lawsuits,
libel, Bush, encroachment, infringment,
cartoon riots and lost Indian treaties.
We, here at the Bodock Times are forced
to cover the identity of the innocent
parties in all photographs pertaining to
the Christmas Place Abu-Gharib
satellite Prison.
(ed. note- The Christmas Place is
unplottable on any map, kind of like
another place I know.)

EMERGENCY CAMP MEETING

Blog Alert!
Illuminati, MS> The shrouded in secrecy ritualistic killing
club known as the Christmas Place Skull and Bones Society
held a closed doors emergency meeting at midnight.
A shady lawyer type screamed " we have to do something
about this blog, it is giving all our secrets away!"
Dead silence greeted this, until one member only known
as "BunkShot" raised his hand and said "What's a Blog?"
The meeting was called after much drinking, and wearing
of horns on their heads, when no one was located that
knew what a blog was.

When We Were young


I kid my good natured friend, Mr. Jones, about his deer
hunting ability. He did manage to kill one nice buck
years ago. Everyone is quite sure it was a complete
accident and that deer must be attracted to the scent of
Apricot Brandy.

SwampToe



Remembering Swamp Toe
Easy Street, MS> 12/98 Burney Howell roamed
down into the deepest hollows of the Christmas
Place Gulley Club recently, determined to kill
the wet-toed monster. He also was stealing one of Pauls secret hunting spots, but who’s counting?
Splashing along the creek drew his attention and
a well placed shot at 20 yards killed the beast before
it ran over him. He hummed a few bars of “Another One Bites the Dust”. He returned to camp and made Rex drag the monster out of the hole it was in.
This monster weighed 215 lbs. with huge symmetrical
antlers that weighed 30 pounds by the time the deer was hung on the pole.

THE $150 DOLLAR TURKEY


Turkey Swarm Causes Madness
Both Barrels, MS> Hershel Howell is anxious for spring to arrive.
He cant wait to get after the turkeys again.
Reminds me of when he alledgedly killed the big gobbler by
accident. He was hunting below the levee and had nestled in
between two large elm trees in a cane blind. He had seen turkeys
recently there and settled in. His gun was loaded with magnum
turkey loads.
The turkeys (innocently) meandered into the field, they fed closer and closer. He became super excited! They were in range!
He laid his bead on a large gobbler. Blam!
Turkeys went in all directions! Mr. Howell went ass over teakettle
backwards from the force of the super turkey loads.
Smoke covered everything. When he recovered enough to look,
(straight up) the giant turkey was gaining altitude right above him.
Blam! he went ass over teakettle again as his feet went over his head.
Leaving his awful gun he crawled from the briar thicket
he was laying in, staggered to the field to find two
big gobblers layng there. another $150 fine for the camp
from this turkey murderer.

A True Ghost Story

Drums in the Night
Sleepy Hollow, MS> This is a true and scary ghost story. When we
first purchased the Mysterious Christmas Place, we were excited
and spent a lot of time exploring. Bow season started and my brother,
Paul, and I decided to spend four days hunting and exploring around
the property. My father Hershel came with us. He hunted that
afternoon while we went exploring along the bluffs. We happened
upon the large Indian Mound and decided that we would dig it up
to see if we could find any indian artifacts. We rushed to camp,
got shovels, returned and started digging that very afternoon.
We dug down in the mound about four feet without finding anything.
It was getting late and we returned to camp. We were hoping to
finish on Sunday.
The next day was spent deer hunting (with no results). That night
as we got off of our stands below the bluff, we could hear what
sounded like drums beating up at the Indian Mound. Very low and soft
but definitely drums.
Later that night, standing in the backyard we could hear them
a little louder. The next day we hunted and the same thing occured,
except that this time the drums were louder and that night we could
hear them beating close to the rear of the camp. We shined lights,
but nothing could be seen. In the middle of the night the noise
became so loud we stayed awake till dawn.
My father (who could sleep through a tornado) finally awoke to the
loud noises and we told him about the drums beating and the big hole
we had left in the top of the mound. The next morning he escorted us
to the mound and watched as we filled in the hole, smoothed the ground
and put everything back as close as possible to the way we found it.
We never heard the drums again.

Labels:

Fruity Tricks

FRUIT FOR THE HORNS!
NAPA VALLEY, MS> HERSHEL HOWELL, NOTED HERBOLOGIST,
PEACH CANNER, ENVIRO FRIENDLY LOVER OF THE DEER, HAS
DECIDED TO PLANT ECO FRIENDLY FRUIT TREES OVER THE ENTIRE
CHRISTMAS PLACE ORCHARD AND NUT FARM THIS YEAR. MR. HOWELL
HAS BEEN BUSY ALL FEBRUARY PLANTING FRUIT TREES IN EVERY
FIELD, STARTING WITH THE FIELDS HE WANTS TO HUNT. A GREAT
IDEA TO FEED AND CARE FOR THE WILDLIFE ON THIS PLANTATION.
BUT, IT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED THAT-
BENEATH HIS WINSOME SMILE AND EXAGGERATED KINDNESS IS A
CRUEL AND DIABOLICAL PLAN TO KILL THE ELUSIVE THUNDERHOOF
OR ANY DEER IN HIS CASE. HIS WARPED PLAN HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH NURTURING, BUT EVERYTHING WITH KILLING THE
GIANT KING OF THE CHRISTMAS PLACE. TANTALIZING THE POOR
DEER WITH FRESH APPLES AND PEARS ONLY TO BLAST THEM IS A
FRENZIED EXERCISE TO RECTIFY HIS AWFUL AND HUMILIATING
EXPERIENCE FROM THE LAST TIME THAT HE HAD THUNDERHOOF IN HIS SIGHTS.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Trapping Thunderhoof

Tennesee Secret Pot Cave
The man from HEH has
given me a good idea how to trap the elusive Thunderhoof

# 1 World Record Buck


affectionately known as Thunderhoofs' little brother.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Weird Deer


I have seen deer do strange things, but I have never seen this

Subject: democrat, republican or southern republican
Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans?
The answer can be found by posing the following question:You're walking down a deserted street with your wifeand two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! ! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer: BANG! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Southern Republican's Answer:BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG!click.....(sounds of reloading).BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG!

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?

Southern Conservatism

When we go to camp and sit around the fire trading barbs, and the topic turns to politics, we are all over the globe as far as presidential candidates and most national issues. By the way in Mississippi, if you are going to get to vote in most places you have to be registered as democrat to vote in local elections. All elections are local as they say.
We can argue for hours about President Bush or the virtues of John (Goose Murderer) Kerry I still gag seeing him pretending to goosehunt. (?) But I suppose in a greater sense we are bound together more than we realize when it comes to traditional issues. As far as I can tell, none of us were born rich, as a matter of fact most everyone is old enough to have heard depression era horror stories first hand. My own uncle worked for a farmer as a very young teenager an entire summer for a milk cow for his family. This while my Grandfather was off with the WPA making I think $12.00 a month.
What we have is a shared heritage of hunting, love of the land, fellowship, and a unified belief in stewardship of the land, and the game that lives here. Whatever studies you may read, if it weren't for hunters there would be no habitat left other than the federal reserves. Nothing more than petting zoos. The Christmas Place is over two thousand acres of unbridled beauty
and nature. If you come this way, you will find we are different from each other but don't try to take our guns away.

Subject: Redneck Special Forces

The latest ploy to defeat the Iraqi Insurgency
is to send in a team of Mississippi Army Special
Forces: Billy Bob, Billy Joe, Billy Ray, Bubba, Boo Boo,
Scooter,Slick, Bucky & Cooter are being sent in with their 1968
Ford four wheel drive pickup trucks. They will be given only the
following information about the enemy:

1. There is no limit
2. The season opened last weekend.
3 They taste like chicken
4. They don't like women, beer, pickup trucks,
countrymusic,barbecue,or Jesus.
5. They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt's death.

It should be over in about a week.

Damn the Luck

Trent is still the leader at the Christmas Place Mule
Ranch. This is one monster buck. If you don't believe
me, you can look here or you can look here.

Deer Stories


Another Damn Lie

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Atlas Shrugs and I Shudder


My cohort Old scratch (Mr. Jones) made his first political
commentary post yesterday and was very excited. Probably
as excited as he was the day he hunted near the gamewardens
and Buckzilla wandered past him at thirty yards and he
managed to shoot a chicken in Tchula. Anyway, he has been in touch with Pam over at Atlas Shrugs
and sent her an email to look at our blog. She replied immediately with:
I like it hunting boy~
It feels really good to get positive feedback and that
Supergirl outfit? WOW! Makes me wonder what she
would look like in this. Maybe my girlfriend will kill me, but I love a
woman in Camouflage.
So, after her response, I want you to know that she has the
first official blogger invitation to come to the famous
Christmas Place this summer to relax. She can do this.

like my Dad and my aunt Marilyn
or spend her time here fishing
look for arrowheads or the lost confederate treasure.
Thanks for the feedback and hope to see you soon.

When I Have to Work

I am an appraiser and it still gets my blood flowing when
I get the chance to appraise something like this

Intolerant Of Ambiguity- political commentary

I discovered some months back that according to a Slate magazine article on a recent study that conservatives tended to be "Intolerant Of Ambiguity" . Ok I'll accept that . I was brought up with an " it's either right or wrong philosophy". Not to say that I would not listen to a differing opinion or to be open to discussion on some topics. But there are a few that bother me . Let's relate this to the recent few weeks news cycle.
A. Muslims running American ports. My answer, where are you buying your crack and are you sure its not laced with LSD. Well let's just let them run the airports too. I think the are already running the port of New Orleans. And I'm not sure about Blanco's office.
B. It's birdshot not buckshot, if it had been, We would be hearing NBC's David Gregory,who seems to be Keith Olbermans back door man, ranting about negligent homicide by the vice president. And yes I have been peppered with birdshot. Stings alot but not usually fatal
C. What are we waiting for with Iran. If a man pulls a knife, pull a big "honkin" gun. (my wife has asked me to refrain from profanity). And oh by the way USE IT.

Valentines Day in Mississippi


After hunting season you need to reacquaint yourself
with your wife or girlfriend
We went out to dinner.
Greg and his beautiful wife Kim (on the left)
My fiancee Denise and myself (on the right)
Mark and his excited wife Kim (at the back)
having a great steak at the legendary
Como Steak House on Valentines Day.

Blogging For Bucks

I'm blogging and the bucks are really rolling in.
I don't mean the little kind that Burney shoots
but big bucks so that I can retire to that island
in the bahamas.
Of course, I have been accused of taking bribes
in the beef plant fiasco.But i have not received my hummer yet. Hopefully Markenstein will get those crazy Memphis hunters to
read this and I can be rich like the Instapundit
and get my own deer blender, or like those wild and
crazy guys over at little green footballs.
So click on the link, so that I can retire and hunt full time like
Paul.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

When Jones Goes to Camp!

Greg Jones, scatter gun enthusiast and well known pitiful deer hunter is making his way to the Christmas Place Preserve this weekend for a dash of Mulligan Stew
and a chance to use up his old shotgun shells. He is looking for anything that
flies, especilly after his horrid performance during the deer season.
Hell, it makes me limp like the deer he wounded just thinking about it.
Anyway, try not to shoot the last Ivory Billed Woodpecker.
They just don't taste right in the stew.
Paul disagrees and says "they taste like chicken"

Dreaming of summer

Golf trip!

We use the camp year round. Hunting, fishing, golf, or just joy riding 4 wheelers.

Mulligan Hunt or Bust

Mulligan Hunt This Weekend
Sour Stomach, MS> This weekend is the year ending Mulligan Hunt
at the Mysterious Christmas Place. Deer season is over and this last
weekend is dedicated to shooting anything that is still in season.
Squirrels, rabbits, quail, woodcock, wild hogs and about anything
else that crawls or runs. We don’t have this, but we are pretty
sure there are a few of these
and some of these on the backside of the property

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

At the Indian Mound



The Indian Mound sits on the highest bluff of the property.
Around the mound we have developed a food plot that has been
very productive for members and guest alike. Here is a photo
of most of us after retrieving a deer. We are standing on the
mound even though you can't see it that well.

Sure Shot Spencer

Spencer let me know it was easy to kill a deer after practicing with this

Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog
I will be delivering Political Commentary from a southern viewpoint in addition to refuting many unfounded rumors and outright lies about my hunting ability.

GIANT BEAVERS?


PREHISTORIC BEAVERS DAM MAIN CREEK
JURASSIC, MS> A GIGANTIC BEAVERDAM OVER EIGHT FEET IN HEIGHT HAS RECENTLY BEEN DISCOVERED ON THE FAMOUS CHRISTMAS PLACE PLANTATION. GIANT BEAVERS FROM THE ICE AGE ARE SUSPECTED. SCIENTIST, SCHOLARS, VETS AND OTHER NOTED MUCKETY MUCKS ARE DEMANDING ENTRANCE TO THE PROPERTY TO STUDY THESE GREAT ANIMALS. PROTESTORS FROM PETA AND OTHER LUNATIC FRINGES ARE DEMANDING THE LAND BE SET ASIDE FOR THESE ANIMALS AND THE MAMMOTHS STILL IVING IN THE HILLS. HERSHEL HOWELL (SPOKESMAN FOR THE CLUB) SAID “WE ARE ABOUT TO BLOW THE HELL OUT OF THESE DAMN BEAVERS, SO SCRAM”. PROTESTORS HAVE NOW CHAINED THEMSELVES TO THE DAM CHANTING “CUMBAYA” AND HOLDING SIGNS SAYING "FREE THE BEAVERS” AND “ LET THE BIG BEAVERS EAT” WHILE MEMBERS WATCH PATIENTLY FROM THEIR 4 WHEELERS. TRENT HOWELL SADLY SAID “THIS IS HOW WE LOST THE PREHISTORIC BIG ANTLERED WHITETAILS THAT LIVED HERE THREE YEARS AGO.
ANOTHER MEMBER SAID “WHEN THAT DYNAMITE GOES OFF, IT WILL BE ONE LESS BUNCH OF LOONEY LEFT WINGERS. DETAILS AND COUNTDOWN TO THE EXPLOSION ARE ONGOING, THOUGH TURKEY SEASON COULD INTERRUPT
THIS EXCITING STORY.

DON'T BRAG TOO QUICKLY!

MY BIG SEVENTEEN INCH
PANIC,MS> PAUL HOWELL, CONTINUOUS BRAGGART AND DEER KILLER OF GREAT RENOWN FACED THE PANIC OF NOT KILLING A DEER AT THE FAMOUS CHRISTMAS PLACE . HE MOVED IN ON BURNEYS STAND WHERE A HUGE BUCK HAD BEEN SIGHTED AND SETTLED IN FOR A
KILLING SPREE. THE DAY GREW LATE AND SHADOWS LENGTHENED ACROSS THE FIELD. A STORM GREW IN THE SOUTH. MOST HUNTERS HAD LEFT THEIR STAND
AT DARK BUT PAUL KNEW THE GIANT BUCK WAS NEAR.
SUDDENLY, THE WHITE HORNED MONSTER STEPPED INTO THE FIELD. PAUL SMILED AND PULLED OUT HIS
SUPER X-RAY LASER GUIDED, SNEAKATOMIC MULTI-
FUNCTION BINOCULARS FROM THEIR SOUNDPROOF CASE. THESE BINOCULARS NOT ONLY GIVE YOU THE
ABILITY TO SEE IN THE DARK BETTER THAN A NIGHTSCOPE, THEY LOCK IN BY GPS COORDINATES,
ANALYSE THE DEER DNA AND CROSSLINK IT TO THE
THUNDERHOOF DATABANK, RECORDS AND MAPS
VITAL WEATHER PATTERNS, DIRECTION OF MOVEMENT,
LENGTH OF STRIDE, TIME, DATE, RECORDS AND ANALYZES GRUNTS, AND HAS A DOE FILTER FOR INEXPERIENCED HUNTERS. OH YES, IT ALSO HAS A HANDY DANDY COMPASS IN THE SIDE.
THE RAIN BEGAN TO FALL IN A FURIOUS SHEET AND
LIGHTNING ROCKED THE WOODS. PAUL LAUGHED.
THE BINOCULARS WERE WATERPROOF, AND RESISTANT TO ALL ELECTRONIC DISTURBANCE. THE SMALL NUCLEAR BATTERY IS INDESTRUCTIBLE. PAUL PUNCHED A BUTTON ON THE SIDE AND DOWNLOADED A PICTURE TO A SATELLITE CIRCLING THE EARTH AT 600 MILES,
CALCULATED THE DISTANCE AT 98.637 YARDS, CALCULATED WINDAGE AND DROP, MAILED A LETTER TO HIS WIFE STATING HE HAD KILLED A TROPHY BUCK
AND SENT A FAX TO THE PRESS CLEARING A FRONT PAGE HEADLINE FOR THE MORNING EDITION.
HE LOWERED THE BINOCULARS, LIFTED HIS RIFLE, WAITED FOR A STREAK OF LIGHTNING TO BRIGHTEN HIS SHOT, AIMED------ BLAM!
THE HUGE DEER REARED, TURNED AND DISAPPEARED.
PAUL RETURNED TO CAMP AND CASUALLY MENTIONED ABOUT THE 17 INCH SPREAD MONSTER THAT HE HAD KILLED AND ENCOURAGED AN ENTOURAGE TO ACCOMPANY HIM THE NEXT MORNING TO LOCATE, EXTRICATE, AND LOAD THE HUGE ANIMAL TO THE
HANGING POLE WHERE HE WOULD RECEIVE HEARTY
PATS ON THE BACK AND TOASTS TO HIS HUNTING PROWESS.
EVERYTHING WAS READY, THERE WAS ONE SMALL
PROBLEM THOUGH. THE SUPER DUPER XRAY SNIPER
BINOCULARS DID NOT HAVE THE HORN COUNTER,
SPREAD ANALYZER, AND WEIGHT CALCULATOR ON.
THE 6-POINT DEER WEIGHED 145 WITH A 14 ½ INCH SPREAD. OH WELL, THE CAMP IS $150 DOLLARS RICHER.

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Monday, February 20, 2006

Cotton Farmer Rex



I went to Baltimore and attended a Jewish wedding.
The people there were very friendly, but none had ever
gone to the south before, much less visited Mississippi.
Most of them had seen the movie MISSISSIPPI BURNING.
I think that most really believed that it was dangerous
for Jews to go to Mississippi. It shows what
movies and TV can do to people.
Yes, we do have indoor plumbing and most of the streets
are paved. We have modern vehicles and wear shoes also.
Anyway, when I said we own a plantation in the Delta, they became
very interested and were concerned about our "migrant" workers,
and how they were treated. Very humorous to me, but they were
not joking. I let them know that we have tractors nowadays
and no blacks or migrant workers had to pick cotton by hand.
Anyway a picture of me in the cottonfield.

Spencers' First Deer



This nice doe was taken by Spencer the very first time he shot at a deer.
We were hunting at the Spike Camp, when four came out right in front of us.
Spencer calmly shot the deer, helped track it and found the deer.
He also helped dress it and I am sure he will help eat it.

THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO THE CHRISTMAS PLACE

REPRINTED
PAUL WENT DOWN TO THE CHRISTMAS PLACE
(SUNG TO- THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA)
PAUL WENT DOWN TO THE CHRISTMAS PLACE,
HE WAS LOOKING FOR A BUCK TO STEAL.
HE WAS IN A BIND
CAUSE HE WAS WAY BEHIND
AND HE WAS WILLIN’ TO MAKE A DEAL.

WHEN HE CAME UP ON A YOUNG HUNTER
AT THE CROSSOVER AND SHOOTING 'EM HOT
AND THE DEVIL JUMPED ON A DEER STAND
AND SAID “BOY, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT!

NOW YOU SHOOT A PRETTY BIG BUCK, BOY
BUT GIVE OLD PAULIE HIS DUE
I’LL BET A RIFLE OF GOLD
AGAINST YOUR SOUL
CAUSE I THINK I’M BETTER THAN YOU.

THE BOY SAID MY NAMES TRENTIE
AND IT MIGHT BE A SIN
BUT I’LL TAKE THAT BET
YOU’RE GONNA REGRET
CAUSE I’M THE BEST THERE’S EVER BEEN

THE DEVIL OPENED UP HIS CASE
AND HE SAID “I’LL START THIS SHOW
AND FIRE FLEW FROM HIS FINGERTIPS
AS HE LOADED UP HIS SHOOTING POLE.

THEN HE LAID THE RIFLE ACROSS THE REST
AND IT MADE AN EVIL HISS
AND HIS TOADIES MICHAEL AND BURNEY JOINED IN
AND IT SOUNDED SOMETHING LIKE THIS
BLAMA, BLAMA, RAT A TAT, BLAM, WHING
POW, POW BLING
BAM, BAM KAPOW, BALMA DING ZING, BLING!!

WHEN THE DEVIL FINISHED
TRENTIE SAID “YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD OLD SON
JUST SIT IN THAT BLIND RIGHT THERE
AND LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE.

HIS RIFLE SANG- BUCK ON THE MOUNTAIN,
RUN BOYS RUN !
THUNDERHOOFS AT THE EASTGATE CATCHING SOME SUN
LAWYERS IN THE BANK VAULT COUNTING HIS DOUGH
GONNA HAVE FUN WITH THE MONEY I STOLE!”

THE DEVIL BOWED HIS HEAD
BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT HE’D BEEN BEAT
AND HE LAID THAT GOLDEN RIFLE
ON THE GROUND AT TRENTIES FEET.

TRENTIE SAID “DEVIL JUST COME ON BACK
IF YOU EVER WANNA TRY AGAIN,
I TOLD YOU ONCE, YOU SON OF A WITCH
I’M THE BEST THERE’S EVER BEEN!

HIS RIFLE SHOT- BUCK ON THE MOUNTAIN
RUN BOYS RUN !
THUNDERHOOFS AT EASTGATE CATCHING SOME SUN
LAWYERS IN THE BANK VAULT COUNTING HIS DOUGH
GONNA HAVE FUN WITH THE MONEY I STOLE!

Labels:

Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog
REPORT FROM THE FIELD
Paul Howell spent this weekend at the famous Arctic Circle Christmas Place. This lawyer of nefarious means that can never be there for work camps, spent the weekend sitting on a stand that I had already killed a big moose in and only saw a few does. Needless to say,
he froze his butt off. i am sure he will return like the turkeys to the Crossover in the spring.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

STILL COLD

We did avoid a major ice storm here, but it is still super cold and I am spending my time feeding the fire.
My friend, Mr. Jones, says the worst two months of the year are Janu-worry and Febru-worry.
Trent says "February is 28 Mondays in a row".

Saturday, February 18, 2006

ICE, ICE, ICE

A slow day in Mississippi, especially since I haven't figured how to link yet.
The weather is horrible and an ice storm is coming.
Which reminds me that recently a notice was found on the big oak tree behind the camp
from the royal Iman and ruler of the Christmas Place kingdom, Thunderhoof the Magnificent, pledging a full tag of 10 points, 2 hogs and a four wheeler to the person or deer that kills the blasphemer that has drawn cartoons of Thunderhoof
on the hanging pole. Rex has read this and declared "it was Stewart" meanwhile I am
in hiding and hanging out near Burneys stand (the fartherest point from a large buck on the whole place)
OSAMA BIN LADEN---
Just to Let you know what we think of those damn crazy Muslims, my brother, the rich and evil coast lawyer said it best "remember Osama wants to hunt your stand". All you hunters out there need to remember this. It is very simple. Time to wipe out those idiots before appeasement spreads south from the east coast.
Meanwhile I am laying low.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Yeesh! Dammit! Stewart?

Shooting Lessons for Simpletons

REMEDIAL SHOOTING LESSONS PLANNED
GLASS EYE, MS> THE MEMBERS OF THE FAMOUS WOUND AND RELEASE CHRISTMAS PLACE CLUB ARE EXPECTING A
LARGE TURNOUT FOR THE REMEDIAL SHOOTING SESSIONS
PLANNED THIS SUMMER AND PUT ON BY THE NEWEST BUCKMASTER, MR. MARK (DEADEYE) STEWART.
HERSHEL HOWELL, TRENT HOWELL AND GREG JONES HAVE
ALREADY MAILED IN THEIR APPLICATION AND ARE EAGERLY AWAITING MR. STEWARTS APPEARANCE.
THE LESSON WILL INCLUDE TYING A GOAT TO A TREE AT
THIRTY YARDS WITH A LARGE BULLSEYE PAINTED ON ITS’ SIDE THAT WILL BE BLASTED AT BY THESE SO-CALLED HUNTERS UNTIL THEY AT LEAST WOUND THE ANIMAL.
SESSIONS COULD LAST UP TO TWO HOURS WITH MR.
STEWART SUPERVISING AND SHOWING THE HUNTERS
FUNDAMENTALS LIKE:
1. LOCATING SCOPE ON RIFLE
2. HOW TO LOOK THROUGH SCOPE
3. FIGURING OUT WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE LOOKING AT IN SCOPE.
4. LOCATING AND TURNING SAFETY BUTTON
5. IS YOUR GUN LOADED?
6. CROSSHAIRS? WHAT ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY WANT?
7. BREATHING TECHNIQUES FOR DUMMIES
8. THE TRIGGER- SQUEEZING NOT PULLING
9. THE SECOND AND THIRD SHOT.
THIS IS FOR LOSERS LIKE JONES AND TRENT
10. DINNER WILL BE FRESH GOAT MEAT AFTER MARK
MERCIFULLY SHOOTS THE GOAT AFTER THE LESSON.

Vice President Cheney Secretly on Invite List

VICE PRESIDENT INVITED TO HUNT
LEAD SHOT, MS> IT HAS BEEN REVEALED THAT AN INVITATION HAS BEEN ISSUED TO VICE PRESIDENT
DICK CHENEY TO COME ON THE ANNUAL MULLIGAN
HUNT AT THE CHRISTMAS PLACE SMALL VARMINT
SPORTS CLUB THIS YEAR. THIS INVITATION WAS ISSUED
BY A SMALL GROUP WITHIN THE CLUB AFTER HEARING THAT THE VICE PRESIDENT HAD SHOT A LAWYER ON A RECENT QUAIL HUNTING EXPEDITION. MANY MEMBERS
WERE OVERJOYED AND HOPED THAT OLD DICK WOULD SHOW UP. ONE MEMBER SAID “ WE HAVE PLENTY OF LAWYERS HERE AND I’M SURE THAT HE CAN BAG AT LEAST ONE.”ANOTHER MEMBER SAID “ CAN HE USE A RIFLE?”
EVERONE IS ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE VICE PRESIDENTS
RESPONSE

Thursday, February 16, 2006

There's always a monster Buck

As you see I haven't quite figured out how to set all this up, but I want you to know the name of the largest buck and the patriarch of the deer herd at the Christmas
Place. His name is Thunderhoof. The kids say that when he runs you can hear thunder and lightning flies from his hooves. A giant deer with a rack as big as an elk. He is super smart and usually laughs at the inept hunters as he wanders by their stands.

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From the Hunting Mecca of the Mississippi Delta

this blog is meant to show what conservative hunters are saying from the famous Christmas Place in the Mississippi Delta and how it all relates to politics from around the globe. The blog is fashioned upon the satirical periodical THE BODOCK TIMES. This paper will relate hunting news at our dysfunctional hunting camp and
give interesting background on members and hunts. all hunters are welcome to post pictures of their large deer, especially mississippi bucks.
The Christmas Place Huntng Club is about 30 minutes south of Greenwood, Ms located against the bluffs, it is also 10 miles north of Yazoo City.
The members consist of 1 appraiser/broker with an axe to grind, 2 rich shyster lawyers, 1 postal worker, a retiree, a crooked blackjack dealer and the camp Chief.
Many guest come and go and there is always something going on.