Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Friday, April 28, 2006

Golf Camp Taking Shape


Wicked Slice, MS> Golf Camp at the famous Christmas Place Double Bogey Ranch is taking shape. We now have 8 people for the grueling golf marathon in the Mississippi Delta. We are leaving May 5 (Cinco de Mayo) in case it makes a damn, at noon.
If you are a golfer, send us a pic of your swing!
Those going are:
Trent Howell- our host and a solid duck hook kind of guy
Joe Black- long knocker, beer drinker and uninteresting talker
Barry Weeks- slow walker, slow player and big slicer
Paul Howell- (Homerun) forget the score, how much a hole?
Rex Howell- putter yips and duck hooks
Greg Jones- another long knocker expected to play like a dog
Pete Smith- the run up approach
Bebo Howell- Oxford pro who seems to have a chink in his armor right now
A lot of beer, Ezra Brooks whisky, steak, fellowship, a roaring campfire, bets!, teams, bragging rights, gamesmanship, outright lies, good food and a lot of fun golf.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

You Blog One Time.......


and everyone thinks they can write a book!
Synopsis- An evil lawyer cons a saintly woman into marriage. Spends all his time hunting, playing golf, doing shady lawyer stuff, and corrupting his children while saintly wife works hard at a newspaper and wins Pulitzer prize for journalism.
The height of the story revolves around Hurricane Katrina and her efforts to save victims while he goes to Florida to play golf. First Trent and now my brother Paul!

GTF- Gone to France



Paris, France> Denise, my beautiful fiancee' has left the building! She is winging her way to France to see her two daughters, Alexis and Sadie. A great vacation! I'm sure they are at a corner bistro drinking coffe and smoking cigarettes while those damn frenchmen jibber at them and offer them wine. I am stuck at home with her crazy dog, Camo! Yes, some people have to work. It takes all my time to blog and play video games. Meanwhile, she is jet setting around the world. She better send pictures! She asked what I wanted from there and after much deliberation I think I want her to bring this outfit home.

MUZZELLOADING ATROCITIES


PANIC, MS> THE MUZZLELOADING SEASON OPENED VERY QUIETLY AT THE CHRISTMAS PLACE THIS YEAR SINCE EVERYONE HAD ALREADY KILLED A TROPHY DEER EXCEPT FOR PAUL HOWELL (FRENZIED PSYCHO). HE WAS THE ONLY ONE HUNTING. HE WENT TO THE BIG FIELD ACROSS THE BEAVER DAM WHERE HE HAS SCREWED UP BEFORE. BIG NED, (Giant Horned Buck) WANDERED INTO THE FIELD AND STARTED EATING GRASS.
PAUL WAS SO SURPRISED THAT HE SENT A MINI-BALL WHISTLING INTO THE OLD BOX STAND ACROSS THE WAY, THE MONSTER BUCK LOOKED AROUND, THE OLD STAND FELL OVER, THE DEER TROTTED OFF WHILE PAUL WAS BUSY RELOADING HIS DOE STICK. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF A DISASTROUS HUNT BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR ALL OF US, IT WAS THE BEGINNING. CONFUSED BY HIS MISS, CONFUSED THAT THE DEER WOULD EAT RYE GRASS, AND CONFUSED BY READING THE RELOADING INSTRUCTIONS, HE STARED BLANK EYED AS HE THOUGHT OF THE GIANT BUCK THAT HAD GOTTEN AWAY. HE WAS DEPRESSED AND EMBARASSED UNTIL A YOUNG BUCK AMBLED MIRACULOUSLY INTO THE FIELD. HIS EYES (PAULS) TURNED RED AND HE PROCEEDED TO CUT DOWN ON THE ADOLESCENT DEER.
AFTER THE SMOKE CLEARED THERE WAS ONE DEAD DEER AND GUNPOWDER RESIDUE ON 5 ACRES OF RYE GRASS. THIS 9 POINT (WE THINK, THE HORNS ARE SO SMALL IT’S HARD TO COUNT) IS NOT EVEN ROUTINE. DON’T WORRY IF TRENT WOULD HAVE SHOT IT, REX AND BURNEY WOULD NOT HAVE EITHER. BAD LUCK IS SURE TO FOLLOW THIS PITIFUL HUNTER.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Party Invite for Famous Blogger



As you see, the invitation came in conjuncture with the annual Chamber of Commerce banquet. The party afterwards is the big social event in Water Valley. Everyone puts on their finest attire and comes. Snookie and Mary Lou put on a great party. I am sure the idea was to have me talk about my famous deer hunting exploits but for some reason everyone was too busy drinking and talking to listen about the big deer I killed last year. I'm sure that if they hadn't already had a speaker picked in advance, they would of had me speak at the Chamber banquet. Maybe, next year.
Boy, this blogging really puts you in high social circles!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

JONES' OLD TIME DEER LURE

Jack of Clubs


Poker, MS> The point stand was hot! Red hot! The only problem was that every weekend the wind was from the south or east. Everyone knew that if the wind changed, someone would get a deer there. That night we sat talking and telling stories, with everyone telling how they were going to be on the point stand the next morning. Finally, Paul (the Unwise) said “ By damn, we’ll just draw cards and settle this right now!” We all gathered around as a new deck of cards was spread over the table. Everyone eased a hand out and pulled a card back. A two, a four, a nine, and the next was the Jack of Clubs. Rex smiled and said “I’ll have that big buck by 8:00 AM”
The morning was perfect and the wind was finally from the north. The deer moved through the chest high grass toward him until five does were right under him. He held his breath as they eased past him and disappeared . 15 minutes later he spotted a coyote, easing toward him at 150 yards. The deer were gone and it looked like the hunt was over. Oh hell, BOOM! The coyote scampered as dirt flew up around him. Good-bye and good riddance he thought to himself. Ten minutes later a flash of antlers to his left. He eased his scope up and watched as the big buck moved directly toward him. At 40 yards it stopped and he took dead aim. BLAM!!!
The 8 point buck dropped in it’s tracks. He glanced at his watch. 8:00 AM. He smiled at the luck of the draw and under comments on the deer harvest sheet he wrote Jack of Clubs.

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Monday, April 24, 2006

Golf, A Show, and Seafood



Tunica, MS> Greg Jones, his beautiful bride Kim, my wonderful fiancee' Denise and my self (your local bogeymaster)headed for the Tunica casinos Saturday. The girls went to the outlet mall and we managed to get a tee time at the River Bend Golf Links.The course is beautiful and set up as an old style English links course The price was $58 a piece with a cart. I birdied the first hole and it was downhill fron there. Mr. Jones beat the hell out of me.
Afterwards we headed for the Grand Casino, where Jeff Foxworthy was having a comedy show at 7:00 PM. Hw was great. Very funny and entertaining. His best quote was
"Tunica is the only place in the world you can shoot craps and shoot doves within 100 yards of each other." The price was about $55 per ticket.
We headed though the casino, and upstairs to the Seafood Buffett. All you can eat
seafood. $48 for two people! Add a lot of beer mixed in this equation and you can see it was a great deal. Add the fact that Denise promptly won $100 on the slots before we left and it is a great trip to go on. We will be going back once I figure out how to stop the shanks.

Friday, April 21, 2006

On Using Deer Lure


Budlight, MS> Rex (Buckmaster) Howell and Mark, (Trophy) Stewart discuss the proper use of beer and cigarettes as deer lure. The other idiots at the famous Christmas Place use Skunk, doe pee and other horrible crap. Who got the big ones this year? Oh,Yeah, we bad!!!!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

XENA


Hercules, MS> One of my first investments with Mr. Jones was buying this classic 1959 Cadillac which we promptly named XENA. It was one of the early automobiles to have air conditioning and electric windows and the last to have the big fins in the rear. A giant of a car, but reconditioning her was way beyond our means. She was sold up in Tennessee and if anyone knows where she is I would like to see what she looks like now. In the tradition of Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang, a lot of fun stories were told to my three kids (Sarah, Spencer and Erin) of the adventures we had in the car.

On The Wall



A couple of big deerses on my office wall

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Free Gifts Shower Renowned Blogger


Daydream, MS> Rex Howell, world famous blogger and trophy hunter, continues to enjoy the fruits of his success. Thousands of fans send him gifts and name their children after him. In fact, more people know his blogging than Paul has brought hunting to the famous Christmas Place. (which is a lot.) The gifts and cash (of course) continue to roll in. Here is a small example of a generous gift from a well known hunting magazine. Hershel said “ can you use that on turkeys?” Paul said “makes fawn taste like chicken” Trent said “I don’t use it, the manly thing to do is eat the liver raw!” Burney said “ah, crappie lure!” and Mark said “the Stewart family will try it with their doe recipes” Rex Howell, generous and gracious legend, said “Keep those cards and letters coming, my faithful readers.

The Antler Dog


Lost Canine, MS> Amazed! It was like a light went off in my head. Here I am wandering the magazine rack at Kroger waiting on Denise to buy coffee and groceries. I pick up a Magazine (North American Hunter) flip through it and there is an article about antler dogs. Who ever heard of such a thing? But, what a brilliant concept! Instead of wandering around hoping I might find a shed antler near one of my stands, I can train a dog to get out there and find them. WOW! Camo (the wonder dog) is now in full fledged training. Instead of racing around the yard trying to get my sock from the crazy animal, I can teach her to find antlers. Needing small antlers to start with I can steal a couple pair of Pauls. Then move up. That Camo will be worth her weight in gold. I will let you know how it goes.

Monday, April 17, 2006

A Rich Mans' Hog Hunt


Blood Splat, MS> It was Easter, a time of love, family, remembering Christian beliefs and
honoring the resurrection of the Lord. Paul Howell felt terrible. His trigger finger itched. He was at camp with his family and he was having no fun at all. The girls had brought their boyfriends and were having a great time. They wanted to fish, ride 4 wheelers and explore. Paul hates that crap. He wanted blood, as usual. He decided a hog hunt would cure his bloodlust. He made a few calls, loaded everyone up in his Hummer and headed to the hog hunt. When they arrived, dressed in their finest hunting clothes from Abercrombie and Fitch, Paul and Michael saw two large hog traps filled to the brim with wild hogs raising hell and trying to escape. They passed out the shotguns to Michael, the girls and their city boyfriends.
They went over the rules.
1. circle cages
2. when door is pulled open, raise guns
3. as hogs run out, fire at will
they circled the boxes, the door was yanked open.
There is some doubt as to whether the hogs were able to get out before the rain of lead blew them to smithereens, but Paul felt better. They shook hands all around and headed back to camp. Another bloody and successful hunt!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Trent Howell Publishes New Book!

Friday, April 14, 2006

A Few Samples


Trent and Burney discuss the rapid extinction of the big horned buck

Thursday, April 13, 2006

FISHING SEASON STARTS


THE 40 ACRE LAKE AT THE CHRISTMAS PLACE HAS PRETTY GOOD FISHING.

There's Oil in Them Thar Hills!


Gusher, MS> Rex Howell, tireless servant of righteousness and deer hunting, and resident Buckmaster at the Famous Christmas Place feverishly shifted through contracts, making notes and additions, spent hours going through land records and abstracts, took soil samples, rewrote lengthy legal briefs, interviewed parties involved and took depositions, checked deeds and surveys, carefully thought out, weeded out and checked out final drafts of the large mineral leases brought by evil oil barons. Put all work into a complex file system, researched the internet for background on the parties of the first part, and systematically negotiated for hundreds of hours the final lease for the mineral rights to the Christmas Place. His loving brother Paul said “Screw him, show me the money!” His other adoring brother Trent said“I’m not going to have a bunch of damn oil wells messing up my hunting, there’ll be hell to pay” His father who dotes on his son said “ Damn fool, didn’t get enough money” and went back to hoeing in the garden. They really appreciated his selfless efforts, obviously, and since everyone was in agreement Rex quickly faked all the signatures and mailed the signed contract back. So if you see some oil derricks sprouting up you know who to thank.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Contrary to Popular Belief.....


Blind Hog, MS> Contrary to popular belief, my father does not spend all his time having weird visions, sleeping in his stand, drinking, riding the tractor, or wearing an apron and chasing deer out of the garden with a broom. Sometimes he gets mad enough to actually shoot one.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Antler Tree

Monday, April 10, 2006

The Water Dog


Grenada Lake, MS> (As told by Hershel Howell)
Grabbling is a dangerous sport, but a lot of fun. We used to run logs down on Grenada Lake. Grabbling would involve locating a log in the water with a big hole in it that you could slide into and block off. Then a cane pole with wire is run into the log to force the catfish to come out toward you. When the fish gets to you, you grab it, forced a rope through its’ gill and then drag it in the boat. Sounds easy but it’s not. The fish can weigh 50-60 pounds and can drown you. There are snakes and other creatures in the water too. But the most dangerous one of all is the Waterdog.
I was going up the river that day in the boat with my friend Tom Parnell. We had been easing up the river for a while checking our logs and were heading for a log we called “Fifth of Whiskey” because of a bet on how big a fish we would catch there. It was our biggest log and our best hope to get a really big yellow cat.
We quietly eased up near the log and Tom slipped quietly out of the boat. As he eased toward the log I whispered “Be careful of the WaterDog” He looked at me blankly and headed for the end of the log.
Just before he got to the log, there was a big splash at the end of the log which started bouncing up and down and the water boiled at the opening.Tom froze about 8 feet from the opening. Suddenly a jet of water shot up at the end of the log and a huge stream of water and bubbles headed right at my friend. The trail of bubbles met him square in the chest and tossed him aside like a toy. The stream of bubbles headed out across the lake and toward the bank. As I watched in amazement the Waterdog came out of the water and headed for a big cypress tree. The animal looked half giant black dog with a large head like a catfish and a long fish tail. It reached the tree and started up the tall snag. It’s sharp claws tore into the tree like a panther and as it got to the top it unfurled a large set of wings and flew away! That’s my only encounter with the WaterDog and the last time I ever saw it.

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Friday, April 07, 2006

A Few Artifacts





A few ancient artifacts laying around. Arrowheads, old marbles, mini ball, Indian pottery, a big beautiful white arrowhead found at Spike Camp, a chisel or celt, a piece of petrified wood and Bobby.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The Return of TurkeyBoy


Big Strut, MS> Everyone was taking a well deserved weekend off from working at the Christmas Place Gulag. Everyone except Paul and Michael, they were turkey hunting. The two assassins moved into the Negotiation Log Field before daylight. Mosquitos were eating them alive but Paul did not have a mosquito killing license. He stroked his box call.
The could hear turkeys below them but they could not get them nearer. Michael felt confident, but as the morning wore on, he was also getting bored and low on blood from the mosquitos that looked awfully like hummingbirds. He realized there would be no turkeys today. At nine they prepared to leave but Paul, whose bloodlust knows no bounds, gave one last try on the call. Way off he heard an answer! They got ready and prepared to ambush the innocent gobbler. He called again and in a few minutes the big turkey came into the field. It spotted the decoy of a lovesick hen, and started running straight at it. It was love at first sight! Michael deftly dodged a sparrow sized mosquito and leveled his gun. BLAM! Michael nailed him in midstride. This big gobbler weighed 18lbs with an 11 inch beard.
Score: Michael 2, rest of camp 0
Congratulations!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Adventures of Remo Jones


THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
DOEVILLE,MS> GREG (REMO) JONES SPOTTED THE EVIL DOE AS IT CREPT SINISTERLY INTO THE FIELD. HE PULLED HIS RIFLE AROUND AND LAID HIS 9 X 83 SUPER SONIC SCOPE WITH THE EXTRA LARGE CROSSHAIRS ON THE EVIL CREATURE. HE FLIPPED THE SAFETY OFF OF HIS .480 ARMOR PIERCING DOUBLE OUGHT WINCHESTER MAGNUM ELEPHANT AND OR GORILLA SUPER SNIPER RIFLE. (WITH A COMPASS IN THE STOCK). HE TOOK DEADLY AIM. BOOM! THE RIFLE ROARED, THE EVIL DOE FLIPPED AND MADE A DASH FOR SAFETY, BLOOD SPURTED! BOOM! THE DEADLY MAGNUM ROARED AGAIN, THE EVIL DOE WAS WOUNDED BUT THE VILE CREATURE CONTINUED TO LIMP TOWARD THE WOODS. MR. JONES JACKED ANOTHER BALLISTIC TIP MINI NUKE SHELL INTO THE SMOKING RIFLE. BOOM! THE DOE FLIPPED AGAIN AS IT ENTERED THE WOODS.
THE EVIL DOE ESCAPED (THOUGH MORTALLY WOUNDED THROUGH THE TOENAIL)
IN MR. JONES DEFENSE, THE AIR WAS COLD (65 DEGREES),
THE WEATHER WAS HORRIBLE (SUNNY AND CLEAR), THE
HURRICANE WINDS WERE AT 2 MPH. AND HE HAD NOT HAD A STEADYING DRINK ALL AFTERNOON. MR. JONES HEADED TO CAMP IN THE DUSKY DUSK OF THE DUSKY TWILIGHT.

REMO JONES
THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES
BIGBUCK, MS> GREG (REMO) JONES FELT LIKE CRAP. THE DOE AT THE NORTH CORNFIELD HAD ESCAPED AND IT LEFT A TERRIBLE FEELING IN HIS STOMACH. MR. JONES LOOKED DOWN AT THE BOTTLE OF FRENCH MUSTARD GREENS BRANDY AND SQUINTED HIS EYES ,DETERMINED TO NOT TAKE A DRINK TILL HE FINALLY KILLED A DEER. HE STUFFED THE BOTTLE INTO HIS PACK AND LEFT FOR THE #1 FIELD READY TO FINISH THE JOB.
THE RULES WERE GET A DOE FIRST, THEN YOU CAN SHOOT A BUCK. HOURS LATER, HE HEARD THE DEER MOVING THROUGH THE BRUSH. MR. JONES TURNED TO GET READY FOR THE DOE AND SUDDENLY, HUGE ANTLERS! A TREMENDOUS 10 POINT WALKED INTO THE FIELD. IT LAZILY AMBLED TOWARD HIM. DID I MENTION THE HUGE ANTLERS? 30 YARDS, 20 YARDS. IT STOPPED. IT LOOKED DIRECTLY AT HIM. IT WINKED ONE EYE. THEN THE MONSTER BUCK AMBLED SLOWLY OFF INTO THE WOODS. MR. JONES SAT PALE AND STRICKEN. FINALLY HE RIPPED OPEN HIS PACK AND DRANK THE ENTIRE BOTTLE OF BRANDY, PUT HIS HANDS ON HIS EYES, AND HUNG HIS HEAD DOWN TILL THE DUSKY DUSK OF DARK.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Hershel Howells' Retirement (Not)


272lbs. of Deer Beef

Monday, April 03, 2006

Letters to the Editor!


Water Valley, MS> Each year many of the wonderful and thoughtful hunters at the Famous Christmas Place Hunting Club send me letters complimenting the integrity of the Bodock Times. They tell their colorful deer hunting stories or give insights into secret deer hunting information. The editor feels that now is a good time to let YOU, the reader, get a feel for the love shown by our members and guest to our top journalistic writer.
p.s. the names are changed to protect the innocent

Dear Editor,
As attorney for the Unions of America, I resent you calling us thieves and liars.
Our hit men will be coming to visit.
Don Giovanno

Editor, Bodock Times
This filthy piece of yellow journalism has made me the laughingstock of
all my friends. I am going to sue the living hell out of you!
P.H. (Brushcutter)

Dear Editor,
I was not drunk. signed: Hiccup Jones

Editor,
As the principal stockholder in the Christmas Place Hunting Club I want you to know that
1. it did snow
2. there was a peacock
3. I did see a comet
4. we are going to get you
Chief

Dear Editor,
for some time you have been elaborating on my deer hunting prowess and the great city of Memphis. I want you to personally know that I do not sleep till noon everyday, The buck I killed was not a fawn, I hate the movie “The Deerhunter”, and I can beat the hell out of Paul any day of the week playing golf. signed: Memphis Pro

Editor,
The judicial system in Mississippi is concerned that your editorials
put the entire justice system at risk in this country with your lies,
slander, and misreporting on our client. If you do not cease and
desist, we are going to sue you for everything you’ve got!
signed: Trial Lawyers Assn. (Trent H-Pres.)

Dear Editor: We want that cannon! and the gold too! signed: Historical society

Dear Idiot! Camo did not save my year! signed Doggie boy

Dear Editor, As long as you are in charge, the deer will have a voice in the
activities of these idiots! Keep up the Good Work! signed: Thunderhoof

Dear Editor:I want you to know that I did not take a crap in my own
stand! signed: Crooked Cane

THE EVIL DR. MULE


MISSING BRAIN, MS> THE CHILDREN AT THE CHRISTMAS PLACE HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY AN EVIL SCIENTIST OVER THE HOLIDAYS. THE MAD MAN KNOWN ONLY AS DOCTOR MULE HAS MADE THEM BELIEVE THAT HE IS THE GREATEST HUNTER IN THE WORLD.
THEY ASK DUMB QUESTIONS SUCH AS WHEN SARAH ASKED HER DAD “WHY CAN’T YOU KILL A GIANT MULE LIKE OUR ILLUSTRIOUS LEADER”
AND SPENCER NOW ONLY WANTS TO HUNT WITH DR. MULE. EVEN THE SMALLEST ONE, ERIN SITS BY THE POLE WAITING FOR THE EVIL DOCTOR TO RETURN.
THE DOCTORS OWN CHILDREN HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED SO LONG THAT THEY WALK AROUND IN A ZOMBIE STATE REPEATING “ LET DAD SHOOT OUR DEER, LET DAD SHOOT OUR DEER. HIS EVIL LAUGHTER IS EVERYWHERE. IS THERE NO MAN OUT THERE TO STOP THIS EVIL GENIUS? DR. MULE SAID “I GET TO KILL ALL THE MULES, PLUS THE CHICKS THINK I’M HOT” HIS POOR SUFFERING WIFE SAID (IN HER ZOMBIE STATE) “ ALL MAN, GREAT HUNTER, HE’S MY MULE MAN.”MEMBERS HAVE FLED TO THE INDIAN MOUND TO HIDE AND HUNT IN PEACE.
GREG JONES ANXIOUSLY WRUNG HIS HANDS AND WAITED FOR DR. MULE TO SHOOT A DOE FOR HIM.
PAUL HOWELL, SUSPECTED EVIL DOCTOR AND SHOCK THERAPY CANDIDATE, WAS SEEN SMIRKING ALL THE WAY TO THE BOX FIELD.

STORM TROOPS SEIZE DELTA


GERMANY, MS> HUNTERS AT THE MULE SHOOTING PRESERVE IN THE DELTA KNOWN AS THE CHRISTMAS PLACE WERE ASTONISHED TO FIND ELITE STORM TROOPERS MARCHING AT THEIR CAMP THIS WEEK.
THEIR LEADER, KNOWN AS FUEHRER HOWELL SAID “THESE ARE THE MULE TROOPERS "AS HE LED ALL THE CHILDREN AROUND THE YARD IN GOOSE STEP RHYTHM. THE FUEHRER SAID “THEY CAN BE CALLED OUT AT A MOMENTS NOTICE TO GO RETRIEVE ONE OF MY BIG MULES AFTER I BLAST IT”
HE ALSO SAID "I LOVE IT WHEN A MULE PLAN COMES TOGETHER"
THE TROOPS OF SARAH, SPENCER, ERIN, HILLARY, HAILEY, KATIE, AUSTIN AND MICHAEL WERE GOOSE STEPPING ALL OVER THE PLACE SINGING.
"ICH, NOCH, BIN BULE
IF YOU WANT TO LEARN TO RULE
BIC, ZIN, RHE, NULE
COME AND WATCH ME SHOOT A MULE!
SOUND OFF!
1,2,3--- MULE!"
MOST MEMBERS WERE TOO BUSY VOMITING TO WATCH ANY MORE AS PAUL PREPARED FOR ANOTHER DEER KILLING SPREE.

SPRING OF COMPLAINTS

GRIPES, MS> AFTER A DULL AND UNPRODUCTIVE DEER SEASON, COMPLAINTS HAVE RECENTLY SURFACE AT THE HUNGRY CHRISTMAS PLACE TURKEY CLUB. MANY MEMBERS HAVE SURFACED WITH HORROR STORIES OF MISTREATMENT.
TRENT- I HAVE TO WORK ALL THE TIME AND NEVER GET A CHANCE TO SCOUT LIKE PAUL.
THEY KILLED ALL THE DEER LAST YEAR AND I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO HUNT. THERE IS A DOG IN THE CAMP, REX SMOKES, THERE'S TOO MANY GUEST AND IT RAINS ALL THE TIME. THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY TURKEYS EATING UP THE FOOD PLOTS. NO MORE ROUTINE BUCKS!
PAUL- I NEVER GET TO HUNT OR SCOUT LIKE TRENT. THEY KEEP GETTING ALL THE GOOD SPOTS AND BURNEY HAS WOUNDED ALL THE DEER. I ALSO HAVE TO TAKE THAT BRAT OF MINE HUNTING TOO. IT’S RAINING AND DAD MAKES ME WORK ALL THE TIME. MY CHILDREN TORE UP THE VACUUM CLEANER AND I HAVE TO WORK ON THAT TOO. PLUS, THEY KILL ALL THESE LITTLE DEER. NO MORE ROUTINE 8 OR 10 POINTS!
HERSHEL- DAMN LAZY SLACKERS, WHY DON'T YOU ALL SHUT UP SO I CAN HEAR?!
MARK- REBELS, REBELS YADA, YADA, YADA, KIDS, GREEDY LAWYERS, YADA, YADA, YADA
REX- EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL
MICHAEL- I'M TIRED OF DAD MAKING ME HUNT WITH HIM, BRING ON THE TURKEYS!
SPENCER- I GOT A DEER, WHY CAN'T I SHOOT THUNDERHOOF?
BURNEY- I HAVE TO WORK, UNLIKE TRENT AND PAUL WHO ALWAYS HOG THE BEST SPOTS. THERE IS ONLY ONE DEER ON THE PLACE AND I HAVE SO MANY ARROWS IN IT THAT MY ARM HURTS FROM SHOOTING. THAT SLAVE DRIVER, HERSHEL, WON’T GIVE ME 5 MINUTES TO HUNT ANYWAY.
BOBBY- IT’S WARM BY THE FIRE. REX,BRING IN SOME WOOD!
JONES- WILL SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT A DOE FOR ME?

Sunday, April 02, 2006

A Good Weekend

Burney, Trent, Mark on another great weekend at The Christmas Place.