Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Thursday, August 31, 2006

New Hunting Regs Confuse Members

Stooges, MS> New hunting regulations released by the MDWPF have confused the hunters at the Christmas Place Mensa Institute of Hunting.

EXEMPTIONS
Residents who are blind, paraplegic, a multiple-amputee, adjudged totally disabled by the Social Security Administration or totally service connected disabled by the Veterans Administration are not required to purchase a HUNTING OR FISHING LICENSE. [MS. Code 49-7-5 and 49-7-9]. Residents exempt based on this criteria are required to have proof of their age, residency, disability status or other physical impairment in their possession while engaged in hunting and fishing activities. All exempt licenses previously issued for DISABILITIES are null and void.

According to state regulations, if you are blind or disabled you do not need a hunting license. If you are blind and a quadriplegic, you do not need a license and they supply the deer, if you are a blind, quadriplegic, black oriental woman with children, hell, the sky is the limit. No bag limit! yahoo!!

Members at the famous Christmas Place rushed to their Social Security office to register for free hunting licenses.
Hershel Howell reported that he was blind and disabled after missing a giant deer at 40 yards last year.( Approved!) Trent Howell was sight challenged and getting old which was shown by his shaky shooting last year.(Rejected)The Social Security people took one look at Bobby and rubber stamped his status as feeble, pitiful and impaired. Paul Howell tried to speak Chinese and was thrown out even though it ruined his dress. Burney tried every trick he knew to get a free hunting license and failed. He suddenly had an inspiration! He fell over and tried playing dead but to no avail, the people at the Social Security Office caught him breathing and threw him out. Mr. Jones rushed in, explained about the terrible shaking he felt every time he saw a buck, took his hat off swore he was hair challenged, and drank turpentine for his condition. He was thrown out even though he offered everyone a drink of turpentine. Mark Stewart stepped to the desk, said he was from Memphis and could they have pity on him. (Rejected) Rex Howell (champion of justice) watched these losers and returned to camp. Paul quickly tried to change the rules so that if you were a female impersonator from the coast you could shoot two more bucks a year. Members booed and said no and he wasn't pretty either.
It is going to be a long season.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Golden Eagle Returns


Water Valley, MS> In 1891 the Bank of Water Valley was completed and at that time a beautiful weathervane was set on top of the building. A golden eagle that looked down upon Main St. The president of the bank declared at the opening ceremony that the town of Water Valley would survive and prosper as long as the eagle guarded the town.
For almost 100 years the eagle was a symbol of hope to the community. Through two world wars, floods, a depression, loss of the railroad, factories starting and closing, the eagle guarded the town. We always knew that no matter what happened we would survive and grow.
In 1984 the Bank of Water Valley was gone. Sold out by the stockholders. The bank building was condemned. The building was old and the eagle didn't mean anything to the people who sold the bank down the river. Soon, a tornado swept up from the south and made a direct hit on Water Valley. Coincidence? Maybe. On May 17, 1984 the eagle was removed and the bank disappeared. The town has suffered since that time. A slow ebb and loss of hope. For 22 years
the town of Water Valley has stood still, and many of our large manufacturers have pulled out.
Leaving less and less jobs for our community.
Recently the eagle was found and restored and has now been placed on the new community bandstand in the middle of the town. A great feeling of hope for a brighter future is being felt by everyone. We hope that the golden eagle will guard the town again for another 100 years. Thank you.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Who Stole the Corn?


Kellogg, MS> Hershel Howell had made a good deal on planting this year. 500 acres was planted in corn and it looked great. Better than that, he had arranged for 5 acres to be left standing in the two food plots in the bottom. He watched it grow.
All the members were happy about it and everytime someone rode by the two food plots, deer and turkeys would run out. Everyone knew that it would attract wildlife all winter. This weekend at the famous Christmas Place Fat Deer Club, Hershel decided to go cut a couple of strips in the fields for his dove hunt. He drove the tractor up the road whistling happily to himself and reached the edge of the field.
Lo and behold, all the corn had been cut and was gone! Not a stalk was standing in the food plots. The whole 500 acres of corn had been harvested and is probably somewhere in Nebraska by now. Steam shot out of his ears! Madder than a hornet, he returned to camp to find out what happened. At this time, no one has admitted their part in this conspiracy, but Thunderhoof was last seen high-tailing it for Odom ridge leading a team of raccoons pulling a gigantic grain cart.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Who is the Masked Armadillo?


NoMoWork, MS> Late at night we discuss the mystery man who appears at the famous Christmas Place Work House when the first hunting season of the year starts. Here we are working like hell cutting wood or planting fields and suddenly a strange green colored Hummer will appear and out will pop a man in camo who will walk right in between us and head for the woods. If equipment is broken or there is not enough help to finish, he ignores it. It couldn't be one of the members they are busy working or would be too embarrassed to hunt while someone else does their work. He doesn't say "Excuse me, Go to Hell or Kiss my Booty" he just heads to the woods. Who is this mystery man, the man only known as the Masked Armadillo?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Old Times There Are Not Forgotten

Old Times, MS> Growing up at our old deer camp near Abbeville had to have been the best time of my life. Being young and stupid, I didn't realize how great it was until I was grown and the old deer camp was gone. Friday afternoon on the day before the season began was always the most exciting time of the year. Everyone that hunted from Water Valley has passed through at one time or another. Members, friends, and guest were tremendously important, but we always anxiously waited for our two favorite cousins (Jim and Ed Lammey) to arrive. They were a big part of the heart of our camp. Big Jim never killed a deer that I knew of, but would faithfully show each year determined to blast Old Mossyhorns. I miss the old days and I miss him.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Erin Howell is 9!!!!!!!

WaterWorld, MS> Erin Howell enjoyed her birthday on August 6th
with a pool party attended by friends and family. The baby coon is now nine and everyone knows that all the cool stuff happens when you're nine.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Won't Be Long Now!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Important Dove Information!

Nyuk Nyuk, MS> So, we are all sitting around the fire at the famous and classy Christmas Place Wing Shooters Club when Hershel turns to Mark and says "Do you know how to count a flock of doves?" Puzzled, Mark replys "No Sir, I don't" Hershel says "Count their feet and divide by two!"

Friday, August 18, 2006

DOVE HUNT SET FOR SEPT 2


Lonesome Dove, MS> The annual dove shoot is set for Saturday September 2, 2006. Burney Howell (cook) is in charge again this year. He waved his arms and said "there's millions of doves this year" as the last dove in six counties flew away to greener pastures. The famous Christmas Place Fowlers Club is ecstatic. Paul (no wheels) Howell said "Great! another damn work weekend" Members are oiling up their shooting irons for the onslaught which should be over by good daylight. Hershel (Rockefeller) Howell said "Just don't shoot the oil derricks" and "If we don't kill enough doves, I'll spring for pizza again!" Discouraged members are sure this dove hunt will be as good as the last one.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

La Tearoom


Water Valley, MS> Today I ate lunch at the new Grand Central Station Antiques and Tearoom. Years ago this was the Hendricks Machine shop and Miss Dixies Ford Place. It is now a wonderful antique mall with this snazzy little tearoom.
I recommend it to everyone. The atmosphere was wonderful, the food was great and the setting was absolutely perfect. Now, before you go to this quaint little tearoom, there are a couple of things that most of my friends should know. The first thing is not to wear overhauls and muddy boots, this is a tearoom, not Bubbas Pancake Shop and Radiator Repair. Do not ask the waitress to check the air in your tires neither. Your hunting dog is not allowed in, I do not care if he is a member of your family, and take those damn camoflague hats off when you eat. I am trying to give you ignoramuses (?) ignorami(?) some culturization. Here is a picture of the exterior.
The interior was furnished with about 10 tables with linen tablecloths, fine china and ritzy champagne glasses for your tea. Each table was named after a famous woman including Betty Grable, Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana, Shirley Temple and Betty Davis. Denise and I sat at the Lauren Bacall table.
Men, do not wipe your hands or beards on the tablecloth, this is a no-no. Learn to drink from the little glasses, there are no mason jars available. Also, the food is supposed to look like that, do not order a hamburger or ask for fries. the women will love you if you take them there.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The Great Oil Lease Boondoggle


Total Confusion, MS> Rex Howell, a.k.a the Genius, had worked on the oil lease for the famous Christmas Place Oil Field for over a year. Everyone wanted the money, but lack of cooperation had made an easy profit making proposition into a back burner item. Then two men wearing old overalls,rolex watches and caps with sawdust on them approached Hershel Howell about leasing the mineral rights to the property. Hell, it was on then! All work stopped as Hershel debated the contract the men offered. Rex, a.k.a. idiot boy, listened in disbelief as the contract was debated between Hershel (the brilliant), Trent (the enlightened) and Paul (the brain). Much scratching of clauses and brilliant ideas were discussed between these rocket scientist until all the members at camp and friends wanted to put their two cents into refining the contract too. When it was over, these are the important parts added to the contract.
1. Trent-Keep your damn oil rigs out of the food plots.
2. Trent-No drilling or disturbing the deer between Sept 1 and Feb 1.
3. Paul-All oil derricks must come equipped with a shooting house attached.
4. Hershel-No drilling in Hershels garden.
5. Rex-We all want a rolex too!
6. Barry Weeks- No disturbing nesting eagles or condors
7. Greg- if you hit a gusher of beer, call me
8. Joe Black- (we think his ideas were written in Chinese, so we deleted them)
9. Bobby- What about my land?
10. Burney- stay away from the point stand!
11. Paul- special viewing area to be set aside so my rich coast friends can
watch the damn thing pump.
12. Hershel- all members must call me Mr. Oil Baron
13. Paul- me too!
14. Thunderhoof- all derricks must be high grade steel to that I can sharpen my horns on them.
15. Paul- I need a gold plated 4 wheeler
16. Trent- no railroad spurs on property
17. Rex- call me when you tear this crazy contract up.
As you can see, we might have a problem.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Rebel Predictions


SugarBowl, MS> Somewhere between heat exhaustion and alcohol poisoning, talk turned to the upcoming football season and the outlook for our OLE MISS REBELS. To say they were a disaster last year is an understatement, but each year brings renewed hope
Predictions from the laborers at the famous Christmas Place Cheer Camp were as follows:
Paul- 6-6 realist
Hershel- 5-7 realist
Bobby- "screw em" 3-9
Rex- 6-6 realist
Mark- 8-4 eternal optimist
Trent- "damn losers" 2-10
Drew 5-7 negative girlie boy
Greg- 3-9 hater
Terry- "go southern" 4-8
Tyler "I'm going to Georgia" 5-7
Burney- 8-4 drunk cook
As you can see, we had a host of damn pessimist in our midst.

Monday, August 14, 2006

The Curse of the Pink Paulanther!


Broken Diamond, MS> A strange and horrible curse showed itself at the famously jinxed Christmas Place Hunting Club this weekend as the workers found that every piece of equipment they used and every project they worked on was a complete disaster.
Research from the cracker-jack investigators at the “Bodock Times” found that this curse started during a terrible storm late last deer season as an unnamed pink faced hunter killed a baby six point deer probably nursing from it’s mamma. (See archives: My Big Seventeen Inch)
Since that time there have been terrible consequences. Mark Stewart killed the biggest deer last year, (Yikes!) Trent wounded a big deer that got away, Hershel missed Thunderhoof at 40 yards, Mr. Jones let a monster walk under him at #1. This was the beginning.
This weekend the tractor tore up and then had a flat tire. Hershels four wheeler broke down (across the beaverdam) and has to have a new battery, Pauls four wheeler had the axle completely break and we believe he will have to buy a new one.
Several people ended up with alcohol poisoning from suspicious (and numerous) cans of Budlight, and one of them was the cook! All the children were screamed at until they had to hide. Numerous tools were broken, and all Gregs tools were even stolen or lost, plus Terry probably ruined the Gator with his horrible driving. Even Camo hid in the back room. Mud from the only rain in two months was everywhere and covered tractors, four wheelers and kids. Everyone had short tempers and even Ezra Brooks couldn’t keep them happy. There was much confusion and fighting over stand placement, without Rex the work probably would not have gotten done at all. The bright point was that Rex got some stands in place without someone getting killed and the ribs for dinner were delicious. A horribly messed up weekend, if only we could make someone atone for their sins by staking them out on a fire ant mound. We will try to catch the Pink Paulanther, and see what happens.

Unnatural Acts


Kim sent me these in an email. The deer and rabbit bonding together as friends is a wonderful picture of the harmony of nature.
Trent and Greg were very excited over the picture because with their superior shooting skills, they figured if they could wound one of them with three or four shots, they would have a chance to reload and shoot a few more times at the other one.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

WORK CAMP SET FOR THIS WEEKEND


Devils Island, MS> A work camp has been set at the hot and dry Mississippi delta plantation known as The Christmas Place. The temperature should be just right at 102 degrees.
Mark "Buzzsaw" Stewart and his son Drew "Doe Popper" will be there. Trent "Chunk Chunker" Howell and Burney "Snake Eater" Howell are coming too.
Rex "Lackey" Howell will be worked to death along with his kids, Sarah "No Way" Howell, Erin "Forget you" Howell and Spencer "Why Me?" Howell.
Greg "Bulldozer" Jones and his son Tyler "Terrible Tenpoint" Jones are trying to get there.
Bobby "ShadeHog" Howell will also be there to oversee everything. He is bringing his grandchildren Austin "Sleep-In" Howell and Katie "Honey Dew" Howell.
Paul "PhoneBoss" Howell will be griping all over the place along with his son Michael "Softy" Howell. He may also bring Terry "Wonder" Cutrere.
Lording it over everyone will Be Hershel "Simon Legree" Howell.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The View from Above

Carnivale, MS> A last look at the Watermelon Carnival 2006. These were taken from the roof of my building facing the park.

Monday, August 07, 2006

The Champion Watermelon !

Big Slice, MS> The champion watermelon set a new state record this year at 210.2 lbs.
Tensions ran high as the watermelons were weighed and the bets flew!
The winner 210.2 lbs!

One Hot Watermelon

Boiling Water Valley, MS> The Watermelon Carnival started in 100 degree heat. This kept many people away, but everyone that came seemed to have a great time.
Erin bought cool shorts for her birthday!
Rock climbing was a big hit this year!
A polka band played "Jambalaya" and kept things festive
Courtney Lowe "The Watermelon Queen" reigned over the carnival and helped with the entertainment.


Trent and Snooky helped out with the rotary Club fish fry.

The Pullens parked at the office and sold watermelons by the truck load

Friday, August 04, 2006

WaterMelon Carnival 2006

WaterMelon Valley, MS> The 2006 Watermelon Carnival starts today in the city park in Water Valley. We will be live blogging throughout and hope that y'all will come Saturday for a full and fun day. Last night the Watermelon Fest kicked off with the community band, and many talented acts. The Watermelon queen and her court were presented, a lot of patriotic music and of course there were cheerleaders.
The Community Band plays a song about Flght 93
Kim wailing out "Ghost riders in the Sky"
Kim and Denise relaxing after her performance
Finally Cheerleaders! Hey! Wait! My daughters out there!
For some reason Tyler wasn't interested in the program

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Waiting For Godeerva

Summer Dream, MS> They are all still out there. Thunderhoof (King of the deer), The Black Knight, Big Horn, The Shadow, Old Droptine, Shovel Horns, The White Buck, and many others are being thought about as deer season rapidly approaches.

Rex and Trent show off a couple of nice bucks taken recently

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

"Who Is This Man?" Contest Over

Stinking Lawyer, MS> The contest on "Who Is That Man?" is officially over and the reults are in.
17 votes were for Don Rickles
29 votes were for the star wars emperor
47 votes were for the shrimpy little Boss Hogg
3862 votes were sent in with some combination of the picture below

Albino Fawn

Truett Rohrscheib sent me this, he claims to be a friend of Burneys which makes him suspect.
Albino Fawn from folks who live on Bolivar Peninsula , Texas
A very eventful day around here... A once in many lifetimes experience! Mark saw this lil' feller run out in front of a car, thought it was a lost baby goat. Stopped to get it, and WOW. A real Albino Whitetail Deer. Just hours old, but doing fine. No Mama deer around. Another car nearly hit it in front of Mark... Well,, he is THE neatest thing any of us ever saw. And such a 'freak of nature', that only 1 in more than a million are even born. He took his bottle of food, followed us around the house, doing great. So, we called the Zoo & Fossil Rim, who were both interested, but going to send him to a Rehab farm, at a vet that we have never gotten along with... So, one of Dad's best friends is our Game Warden. Kinda reluctantly, but, I called him and told him the deal. He came right over, of course... and assured me that he wouldn't take it to that vet, that he was going to 'go to higher levels' than that with him. So, he is gone now. We got a lot of pix, and something we will never see again probably, so it was very cool. Maybe he will make it in captivity somewhere and be appreciated. So rare... Sure wanted to keep him tho. but, not the thing to do. And not LEGAL either ; But, here are a couple of pix to show ya. He was snow white, pink eyes, ears, nose and hooves. Kids called him POWDER. He was SO small. That is my shoe lying beside him... WOW..how cool is that??

The members of the Christmas Place Exotic Species Hunting Club are in a lather and are putting "POWDER" on the guest waiting list to come spend some time here after he gets about 12 points on his head.