Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Extreme Deer Blogging


Faulkner, MS> This blogging is tough. Low on bullets, my boat has a hole in it, no members of the He-Man-Woman-Hater-Christmas Place Hunting Club will talk to me. Come to think of it, life is pretty good. All the lonely bloggers are out there typing like hell about their niche in the Blogosphere, and every now and then they read and like another persons blog. You know how us famous people stick together. This guy over at Defiant Infidel is a good writer, has good political commentary and is living in liberal hell. Too bad he has to wear a mask, so people won't recognize him and turn him in to the PC police. He is pretty funny about what he sees in his part of the world. A gun nut and a hunter. Check out his blog!
My cousin, Jimmy, is extremely proud of his son,
James. This young man took his first buck recently at Abbeville near our old camp. This is on the edge of the Graham Lake Refuge on Sardis. Great Hunting and fishing area. Congratulations on a fine deer. It is about time we found a Lammey that could kill a deer. In fact, that deer sure is a hell of a lot bigger than anything I can remember his old Dad ever taking. I just happen to have a good picture of Jim in all his deer hunting glory.



Jim, We really miss hunting with you, hope to see you again soon.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

That's a Lotta Deer!


My cousin, Jim Lammey (lawyer, judge, doe popper) sent me this picture. I don't now where it originated but that is one truckload of deer!Looks like someone has been hunting my stand!

Monday, December 25, 2006

Family Christmas Presents


Lost Loot, MS> We opened our family Christmas presents today. I must say it was quite exciting. This year I was really hoping for a 20-hp motor to get up and down the lake to really get after those deer. That did not quite happen. I think my family may be mad that I have been ribbing them so hard about the big bucks I have been blasting at the famous Christmas Place.

My conniving brother Paul opened his gift from Dad. Wow! A heavy bar of gold from the S.S. Central America. He gave it a quick look and threw it over in his stash of presents.
He said "Thanks Dad, Where's my next present?"
Dad rubbed him on the head and said "You will have to wait until your other wonderful brother opens his gift from me."

I stared dumb-founded as Trent tore his present open. It was a huge bar of silver! Must a weighed 50 lbs! Trent looked it over, Bit one end of it, then tossed it over in his stash of gifts. He said " Cool Dad, What did Mom get me?" Dad laughed "Let's see what Rex got?" Boy! I was about to burst a blood vessel. I hurriedly grabbed my gift and started ripping the paper off and tearing it open.

Finally! A grunt call? a grunt call? I stared in shocked silence. Dad said " Look how quiet he is boys. He loves his present!"




"Paul, Mom went out and bought you something really special. Here you go!"

"Just a little something to tide you over till your birthday. Merry Christmas, son!" Paul studied the heavy bag and said "Thanks Dad, Looks awful heavy, make Rex carry that out to my car, Ok? " He gave me the thumbs up.
Trent was quietly watching and said " Give me something better, but not as heavy, will ya?"

Dad replied "Sure, my sweet and wonderful favorite son, in fact when we are through I'll have Rex take all your gifts home and clean the house too!"

"Here you go!"
Trent greedily ripped the cover off of his Christmas present and whistled! Whoo-weee, Dad! Stocks! IBM, Microsoft, Xerox, Apple and some other good ones too. Thanks Dad, you sure are a great Dad! My Dad chuckled "Now, Now, wait till you see what we got Rex!" I gazed at the big box in front of me and hoped for the best. Not gonna happen.

As I slowly opened the big box my Dad said,
"I got him a gas can, so he can fill up my new Gator!" Paul and Trent clapped their hands, hugged Dad, gathered up their horde of loot and then wandered off all full of love, affection and Christmas Spirit. Paul said "Hey Rex, make some more coffee will you? "
I sat for a little while contemplating my gifts, gathered them up and headed to the kitchen. I think Christmas is killing me.



But, on the bright side, at least it seems to beat the wonderful gift that I got last year.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Merry Christmas to You!

My brother James is a guide in Alaska and sent this email. a picture of Bill and Laurie Rosko with a giant bear. James is in the middle. A simple email-


Merry Christmas!







Mark Stewart says Happy Holidays Doe Boys!










Paul sent a Christmas email of his deer. Happy Hunting!






Hell, here I am, too.

Wishing you big antlers and a

Happy New Year!









Burneys email said Merry Christmas Losers!









Trents' said Hope You Get One of These in Your Stocking!








My Dads' card said Merry Christmas to You
and May the Great Spirit Watch Over You.






Merry Christmas to All the Kind Readers out there that have gotten a chuckle from this blog, remembered family hunting trips or had the fun hunting competition between friends or family. Please leave comments with your name and where you are.
Thanks for reading.

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Night Before Deer Season

T’was the night before deer season
and all through the bunkhouse,
not a creature was stirring,
except Trent and Paul quiet as a mouse.

The guns were all stacked by
the back door with care.
In hopes that the mad rush to the
boxstand would start there.

The hunters were nestled all snug
in their beds, while visions of
Thunderhoof danced in their heads.

With Rex and Burney freezing in the back
Paul and Trent plotted how to kill a big rack!

Then out in the yard arose such a clatter,
Paul and Trent loaded their guns to go see what's the matter.

Burney and Rex looked out at the new fallen snow,

and Hershel spoke up “I see a red glow!”

Then what to their wandering eyes should appear

but a miniature sleigh and eight giant horned deer.
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
Paul couldn’t get off a shot at the deer of St. Nick!


“On Dasher! On Dancer, On Prancer and Vixen,
Run Comet, Run Cupid, duck Donder and Blitzen!
From the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,

Dash Away, Dash Away, before those fools kill us all!

Then in an instant we heard on the roof,
the prancing and pawing of each giant hoof.
As Hershel pulled in his head and was turning around,

down the chimney came an angry St. Nick with a bound.

He was angry and red from his head to his feet,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,

He filled all the stocking and said with a smirk

"Pop got shells to kill some old ducks,
Rex and Burney got giant big bucks

Bobby got a shovel to bury his money in a big hole,

Paul and Trent got nothing but coal. "

Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving the finger, up the chimney he rose!


But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight.
"Merry Christmas to all,
Trent and Paul this just ain’t your night! "




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Thursday, December 21, 2006

POP WORKS ON THE DUCKS


Tailfeathers, MS> While I was out boating with my big deer. Dad had slipped over to his new pond to try to blast a couple of ducks. I have no earthly idea why someone would do that during the middle of deer season, but he says he is well-rounded. ???.
He got a nice mallard and a wood duck, which we dressed and he asked me if I knew any interesting recipes for ducks that he could use. I said no, I was a little busy trying to get my deer on dry land and would he and Bobby hurry the hell up.


Later I went online to an interesting hunting blog called MOOSEDROPPINGS, guy running it is Moose, who is an avid outdoorsman, and he has a wide variety of hunting news, social commentary, shooting information, a lot of New England thoughts, great hunting pics, as well as recipes for wild game. You should really go to his site and check him out. I don't know much about Meese but the duck recipe made my Dads' mouth water. Can't wait to try it. Hope he has some new venison receipes too!

Santa Claus Wish Lists


Flying Horns, MS> A casually placed note taped to the front of one of my massive deer heads that line the walls of the famous Christmas Place Hunting Club has caused my computer to be deluged with emails from members and friends with their Christmas wish lists to Santa Claus.

Burney- I want the Black Knight and a 5 lb. Crappie
Trent- I want to kill a damn deer bigger than Rex’s and uh, uh peace on earth.
Hershel- I’m low on duck shells,apricot brandy and I need some water in my pond.
Paul- I want my damn 10 point buck and a decent article about me in the Bodock Times!
Rex- a new boat, mine has antler holes all in the bottom.
Mark- another big buck and the key to Paul’s fourwheeler
Spencer- the White Buck!
Denise- 5 minutes without someone blogging about a damn deer.
Drew- Rex killed my deer! I need a do-over.
Sarah- my first deer, a new cell phone, and my own fourwheeler
Peggy- another piece of wood on the fire and a blanket
Haley- a maid for the camp and a passport
Shelley- can you shorten Deer Season?
Bobby- a raise, that Bodock Times doesn’t pay squat!
Michael- Rex told me I can kill some of dad’s (Paul) deer, send in the mules!
Greg Jones- a new editor for the Bodock Times and Old Droptine
Tyler Jones- Rex’s dating advice handbook and Buckzilla
Erin- a rocking chair made out of my dad’s (Rex) antlers
Wanda- A new skillet, this one is worn out from beating Paul in the head.
Enrique the Mexican- less wetback jokes and Rex’s Sneaky Stand forever.
John- a 12-point off my new best friends (Trent) stand
Terry- a bottle of Rex’s new Thunderhoof Deer Lure
Kyle Jones- my dad (Greg) needs to kill a deer worse than me, I could use one too!
Jimmy Lammey- an invite would be nice
Hillary- less camp, more shopping
Austin- a rifle that shoots straight and a haircut like Rex’s
Thunderhoof- more does and less idiots in the woods.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Mr. Jones- Full Metal Jacket

Uncontrolled Fury, MS> Greg Jones has been listening to this crap all season. I called and invited him to camp over the Christmas Holiday and he is chomping at the bit. Mr. Jones has had some problems killing a deer for some reason down there. He has killed one nice deer but I think his deer lure is too strong. He has had some exciting adventures, just like the total disaster last year. He keeps on trying and sooner or later he will kill a giant wall hanger if he will quit listening to Paul and Trent. He can't help it, he has visions of grandeur and starts humming about Old DropTine everytime he goes down there. I have to admit, he has been pretty good at Varmint Control, but the time is perfect for him to get a giant 10 point. Hell, I know where one is right now with his hoof in a sling!

Pauly and the Bloody Horned Baron

Pauly’s Christmas (from)
Snoopy's Christmas 1966, The Royal Guardsmen

O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum, [Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmastree]du kannst mir sehr gefallen! [Of all the trees most lovely]

The news had come out in the First Deer War
The bloody Horned Baron was scraping once more
The Howell command ignored all of its men
And called on Pauly to do it again.

Was the day before Christmas, 40 below.
When Pauly went out in search of his foe
He spied the Horned Baron, fiercely they fought
With ice on his scope Pauly knew he was caught.

Christmas bells those Christmas bells
Ring out from the land
Asking peace of all the world
And good will to man

The Baron had Pauly dead in his sights
He knocked over his stand to finish the fight
Why he didn't gore him, well, we'll never know
Or was it the bells from the village below.

Christmas bells those Christmas bells
Ringing through the land
Bringing peace to all the world
And good will to man

The Baron made Pauly step to field #9
And forced him to unload behind the enemy lines
Pauly was certain that this was the end
When the Baron cried out, "Merry Christmas, my friend"

The Baron then offered a holiday toast
And Pauly, our hero, saluted his host
And then with a roar they were both on their way
Each knowing they'd meet on some other day.

Christmas bells those Christmas bells
Ringing through the land
Bringing peace to all the world
And good will to man.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Antler Bowl Results


Sugar Bowl, MS> In a hard fought game where Rex Howell (#18)came into the game early to replace the decrepit Trent Howell (#12), an early morning bomb was completed for a touchdown behind the lake as a huge 8-point was taken. The bucks tied the score just before halftime as Paul Howell (#49) let another big mule escape from the hole stand.
The game rocked on as Mark Stewart (#73) managed to take a small doe near the Graveyard and put a field goal on the board. The game went back and forth but ended with the Final Score- Marauders 10 Bucks 7.

Christmas Place Honeymoon


Wedded Bliss, MS> As everyone knows, Denise and I are getting married in the spring. She is a California girl that has adapted to the rural South surprisingly well. She is very excited about getting married and wants to do something really fun and exciting for our honeymoon. She is expecting something really good.
I have been thinking on this very hard. Fun, Exciting, Spring. It hit me, Crappie Fishing! Wow! Another great idea! We could get an RV, go up to the lake, crappie fish, camp, honeymoon, relax, fish, honeymoon and fish. Am I a genius or what?!
I called my buddy in Tuscaloosa (Joe Dirt) and he finally found the perfect RV for us to use. It only cost $200 (brilliant!)I can't wait to tell Denise the good news!

Monday, December 18, 2006

High On the Hog


Bacon Slab, MS> This deer hunting sure is easy. Too easy! Besides that, the members of the famous Christmas Place Easy Hunt Club won't even talk to me anymore. Hell No, you can't use my boat! Since (like Joe Black) I have mastered Deer Hunting, Blogging and Getting Chicks, I need something else to master this year. Suddenly an email from my friend GUYK at Charming, Just Charming. He has a post about a bunch of potentially, problematic porkers in Oklahoma. We also have a wild hog problem around the camp. Nasty big tooth critters, rooting up the country-side and terrorizing the villagers. I am about to put an end to that problem! You know that Hogzilla was big,
but I am about to go after the king of the wild Hogs. I am going After PORKENSTEIN!

Boating for Big Bucks

Jonah, MS> This weekend I went to camp with the hope and expectation of crushing my brothers and the other members of the famous Christmas Place Yacht Club. I laid my plan to boat up to a secret spot at the upper end of the lake to a funnel across the swamp. I was not disappointed. At 7:45, I heard the big buck ease across a slough and there he was 20 yards from me. Blammm! He fell in his tracks from the .270 bullet and 30 minutes later I had wrestled him in the boat and was heading for the dock. His big old horns punched holes all in the bottom of the boat, of course! I didn't care, my little boat looked like a paddle-wheeler coming up the lake with those big horns hanging over the side! Here is a picture of me and the big buck and Mark and his squirrel. We loaded the huge deer in dads new Gator that I bought for him. It has plenty of power! The members were crushed by my brilliance and great hunting prowess. They spent most of the rest of the afternoon sitting around the loser table admiring my deer.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Paul and Trent are Strangely Absent


Buddha, MS> I am packed and ready to go to camp for the Still Hunting Season. I called my crooked lawyer brother Paul to see what time he and his toadie Moe were going to be there. His office said that he had to make an emergency trip to China with my other Scrooge like brother Trent last night and would be returning today. Something about praying at the ancient temple and shrine of Thunderhooficious.

Antler Bowl This Weekend !!


Touchdown, MS> The Antler Bowl starts this weekend and is played every year between the Marauders of the Christmas Place Military School and the Bighorn Bucks of Christmas Deer University during the Still Hunting Season.
Last year the Antler Bowl had a stunning upset as the Bighorns ran freely through the defense of the Marauders. Thunderhoof (#1) Quarterback for the Bighorns, laughed and then predicted another long weekend for the inept Marauders.
Trent Howell (#12) washed up Quarterback for his team has been trying to get his aim working and thinks it is going to be a tight game that may go into overtime.
Injury List for the Marauders- 1. (#67) John (One Boot) Stewart, Team doctor Bobby Howell looked him over and stated that he is hopeless and a goober and will not play in the game.
2. Paul Howell- (#22)has suffered a brain injury from a musket incident and will have to sit out most of the game. He may be called off the bench if the score is tight.
Injury List for the Bighorns- 1. (#23) Tenpoint Jones- wounded in a freak lightning storm and hail of gunfire near the hole stand. He is limping and recovering. May be sent in for goal line running plays.
2. (#84) Crooked Horn was injured at the 72 acre field in a bullet collision with young Austin Howell. Has not played since first gun season.

In other news regarding the game, tailback Thick Horn Lewis (#33) is still missing and was last seen at the #1 Field. Presumed Dead.
Another missing player is the Eastgate manager and waterdeer (#00) missing in action. Presumed dead.
Stay tuned Monday and Tuesday for developments. The game starts at daylight Saturday and is expected to be a real doozy!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Christmas Place Deer Party Dec. 23rd


Kaytel, MS>THE FAMOUS DJ KNOWN AS BIG DADDY MULE IS ARRIVING AT THE
CHRISTMAS PLACE DISCO DEC 23RD AND SPINNING THOSE GREAT DEER HUNTING SONGS AND RECORDS FOR THE FAMOUS CHRISTMAS PLACE CHRISTMAS PARTY.
He will start with that Howell Camp favorite by Tennessee Ernie Horn called(16 Horns)
IT GOES LIKE THIS (TO 16 TONS)
I went hunting one morning when the sun didn’t shine
I picked up my rifle; the deer are all mine!
I was hunting in a canebreak
When a giant mule came along
So I busted his butt with a 7 mag. load.
I loaded 16 horns and what do you get?
Another big mule and deeper in debt.
Wanda don’t you call me cause I can’t hear,
I’m in the woods trying to kill a big deer.

HE WILL PLAY ALL THE FAVORITES LIKE
MULE TRAIN, TWIST AND MULE, MULE RIVER,
LAST TRAIN TO MULEVILLE,, MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO CROSSOVER, MR. MULEMAN AND OTHERS.
THE GREAT R&B HIT -SITTING BY THE MULE OF THE DAY,
WATCHING THE HUNTERS RUN A-WAY!
TRENTS FAVORITE- I Can't Get No Muleisfaction!
DON’T FORGET THE CHRISTMAS FAVORITES LIKE
WHITE MULE, SILVER MULES, JOY TO THE MULE,
12 MULES OF CHRISTMAS, AND BLUE MULEMAS.

THUNDERHOOF WILL BE WAILING ON HIS SAX WITH HIS ALL BUCK BAND TO SUCH TUNES AS........
JINGLING SHELLS, THE MULE SONG
SANTAS MULES ARE COMING TO TOWN
SHOOT THE MULES, SHOOT THE MULES, SHOOT THE MULES! and the holiday classic-
OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS TO THE HANGING POLE WE GO!!
OR THIS ONE “Rex Got Run Over By A Giant Deer!,
GOD REST YE GIANT MULES!
I’LL BE HOME FOR HUNTING SEASON,
the kids love this one!
ROCKING AROUND THE HANGING POLE and
UP AT THE SPIKE CAMP.
RUDOLPH THE DEAD MULE REINDEER
AWAY IN A DEER STAND
SILENT MULE, DEAD MULE
Later all members will go caroling up at the Dove
Field while Paul looks for his deer.

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