Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Friday, December 28, 2007

Marian Adds to Her Resume

We are packing for camp and expect to leave within the hour. We will also be gone till January 1. Now is crunch time to get a deer and after this effort, the hunting will start to taper off.
I will be meeting the famous Marian from Marians Hunting Stories there for the long weekend. She and Bob are also going to go with us for a New Years Eve party at Kittrells on the square in Lexington. I think we have a great time ahead of us, especially if she can get a big old buck.
Denise and I, plus everyone at the famous Christmas Place wish each of you a Happy New Year and good fortune through the year.
PS Marian is bringing her laptop in case there is a way to get internet access where we are. Here is a pic of her with a great 8-point.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

You're So Damn Smart, You Try It!

Bizarro, MS> Everyone thinks that shooting a giant deer like Thunderhoof should be easy. They say “Hell, you see him all the time, why don’t you blast him?” HA! It is not as easy as you think.
First of all, I do see that stupid deer all the time and have shot at him or tried to until I am just about sick of it. Secondly, he is a lot trickier than you think. For example…..
I found a great place to hunt at the edge of a gentle ridge with big buck sign all around. I moved in before daylight, sat down, made a blind and prepared to hunt. It was perfect, it was so still and quiet that you could have heard a pin drop 100 yards away. No sign of deer that morning for the next two hours. I am sitting there scanning the small valley and the ridge in front of me with binoculars when suddenly a two foot long tongue licks down the side of my face. I jump, spin around and that damn varmint licks me again and pushes against me with his giant nose. Then the big galoot starts nuzzling through my pockets.
Thunderhoof always seems to find a couple of apples or a candy bar there for some reason.
My hunt is over and I have to sit and talk, and pet and scratch that worthless animal for a couple more hours. If I hear a deer coming, he grunts or snorts and it takes off, so I don’t even bother trying to hunt after he shows up. The only fair chase way to blast him, is to catch him unaware while he is roaming through the woods. So far, that has been impossible. I don't know if he is a deer or a pooka.
If you think you're so damn smart and can blast him, come get him.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

What I Got for Christmas

List of Things I Got for Christmas
1. socks (yeah)
2. lots and lots of blue jeans (Thank God)
3. 2 pair insulated underwear (I needed them both)
4. lots of sweaters (I'm a sweater kind of dude)
5. couple of books (The new Stephen Donaldson I wanted)
6. a little money (very little)
7. 2 movies (the new Diehard and the new Harry Potter)
8. already killed a big buck (great Christmas present)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

To all of our readers, on-line friends and links,
From the heart of the Mississippi Delta
The members of the famous Christmas Place and
Thunderhoof
Wish you a Merry Christmas
and a happy New Year

Monday, December 24, 2007

Letters to Santa


Dear Santa,
all I want is one more mule!
Paul
Dear Santa,
a nice buck off Pauls stand would be great.
Burney
Dear Santa,
where are the ducks?
Hershel
Dear Santa,
A really monstrous buck would kill Paul.
Rex
Dear Santa,
I want my own blog.
Camo
Dear Santa,
more time to hunt!
Trent
Dear Santa,
a new cane, and for someone to actually listen to me.
Bobby
Dear Santa,
where is that invite to the Famous Christmas Place?
Marian
Dear Santa,
can I hunt with Paul?
Matt
Dear Santa,
you know, now that I am a famous personality,
it wouldn't kill you to let me actually get a deer.
Othmar
Dear Santa,
all I want for Christmas is to keep my two front teeth!
GuyK

Sunday, December 23, 2007

The Night Before Deer Season

T’was the night before deer season
and all through the bunkhouse,
not a creature was stirring,
except Trent and Paul quiet as a mouse.

The guns were all stacked by
the back door with care.
In hopes that the mad rush to the
boxstand would start there.

The hunters were nestled all snug
in their beds, while visions of
Thunderhoof danced in their heads.

With Rex and Burney freezing in the back
Paul and Trent plotted how to kill a big rack!

Then out in the yard arose such a clatter,
Paul and Trent loaded their guns to go see what's the matter.

Burney and Rex looked out at the new fallen snow,

and Hershel spoke up “I see a red glow!”

Then what to their wandering eyes should appear

but a miniature sleigh and eight giant horned deer.
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
Paul couldn’t get off a shot at the deer of St. Nick!


“On Dasher! On Dancer, On Prancer and Vixen,
Run Comet, Run Cupid, duck Donder and Blitzen!
From the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,

Dash Away, Dash Away, before those fools kill us all!

Then in an instant we heard on the roof,
the prancing and pawing of each giant hoof.
As Hershel pulled in his head and was turning around,

down the chimney came an angry St. Nick with a bound.

He was angry and red from his head to his feet,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,

He filled all the stocking and said with a smirk

"Pop got shells to kill some old ducks,
Rex and Burney got giant big bucks

Bobby got a shovel to bury his money in a big hole,

Paul and Trent got nothing but coal. "

Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving the finger, up the chimney he rose!


But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight.
"Merry Christmas to all,
Trent and Paul this just ain’t your night! "

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I'm A Green Locavore

Hunters need to push a new public image based on deeper traditions: we are stewards of the land, hunting on ground that we know and love, collecting indigenous, environmentally sustainable food for ourselves and our families.

Wow! I'm finally politically correct and enviromentally friendly too!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Tusky Christmas

My cousin, Davin Lammey, sent this photo and advised me to send the story to some famous blogger that runs a paper called the Porcine Press. Here are the facts.
The 308 lb. porkzilla was shot by Davins's son Dean above Abbeville, MS on the rear of their property. This is not the kind of animal you want to see in your flashlight beam as you walk to your stand before day.
The picture shows Dean on the left and in case you can't tell, Davin is the one on the right wearing Orange. (the one with the biggest teeth is the hog)


The Lammeys wish everyone at the Deer Camp Blog a very Merry, Hog Blasting, Deer Slaying Christmas and a happy 2008.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

A Christmas Place Story

I had the pistol on the seat with me as I left Water Valley.
At the time, I was going through a long and very sad divorce. I was deeply depressed and the only place I wanted to be was at the famous Christmas Place alone. I decided to go down and spend Christmas Eve at the camp and maybe drive back to my Mom and Dads house the next day.
I packed up and left early on the 24th as light snowflakes were falling in Water Valley. A heavy snowfall over everything never occurred to anyone and I eased south listening to Christmas songs on the radio and occasionally reaching down to put my hand on the big .45 caliber Colt that rode on the seat beside me.
You can not understand depression unless you have been through a traumatic event. Soon after my separation, I came across the old model 1911 Colt that I had received from my grandfather. I cleaned and oiled it until it was ready for use and stuck it in my nightstand drawer. It began to feel like an old and trusted friend.
Soon I started dreaming of the pistol. I dreamed of the cool barrel against my temple, the savage roar and peace it promised, the sudden stopping of the horrible ache inside me and the rest from what seemed endless pain wrapped around my heart. I started carrying the old gun around in the truck and at home would clean it repeatedly.
Deep inside I had a plan before I left Water Valley.
By the time I reached the gravel road below Howard, an hour and a half later, the snow was falling in flakes that looked like dinner plates. It was too late to turn back and I gunned it along the slippery delta gravel roads as my wipers fought a losing battle against the heavy snowfall. I slid into camp, unloaded, built a roaring fire and watched the mini blizzard of snow. I walked and played around the camp the rest of the afternoon. It was peaceful and uplifting, and the deer seemed as interested in the snow as I was. They seemed to scamper everywhere. As it got dark, five or six inches had accumulated and I reluctantly went back into the camp. I made a light meal, built up the fire and made a pallet on the floor in front of the blaze. I got my old sweat suit and tennis shoes on and made some popcorn and hot chocolate and laid the big pistol on the coffee table. I settled in and watched the old classic Christmas movies “IT”S A WONDERFUL LIFE” and “A CHRISTMAS CAROL”. The snow kept piling up outside until everything was covered in silent white and sometime around 1 in the morning I fell asleep. I don’t know how long I slept, but I awoke to a loud thumping on the door.
I jumped up, still asleep, holding the popcorn bowl and staggered over and opened the back door. I was completely astonished by what I saw. Standing not three feet from me was the largest whitetail buck I had ever seen.
His giant horns were dark and a perfect 10 points and he was a solid, snow white! The massive deer was the most beautiful animal I had ever seen and he stomped his hooves in the snow as I stared at him. I wiped my eyes as he stepped away from the door and walked out into the yard. He turned to stare at me and stomped his foot again as he started feeding on the frozen shrubs. Was I still asleep? I was staring at a magical creature beyond my comprehension. I was so frozen in shock that all I could do was stare back. The snow had stopped and a full moon shone down, lighting the yard to near daylight conditions and finally, it came to me to walk out into the yard also. I went out and stepped near the deer. He moved closer and my hand rubbed his beautiful hide. He nuzzled around and soon ate all the popcorn and the bowl fell to the snow. He turned and looked at me and it became clear in my mind that I was to get on his back. I hopped up, threw the leg of my sweatpants over his back and found myself comfortable. The giant deer gave a glance at me then started trotting and I reached out and lightly held on to his gigantic antlers. The deer picked up speed until we were flying across the land and I bent low on his back for warmth against the icy wind. Snow flew up in great plumes behind us as we crossed the frozen delta land until we finally stopped in the center of a large snowy field and I slid off of his back.
There were hundreds of deer in the field and they ran and played and chased each other in the bright moonlight. The giant white deer left my side and ran and played with them. On a small rise at the edge of the treeline, the lordly ancient deer sentinel of the bluffs, Thunderhoof stood silently watching.
To watch them all was exciting and intimate. The deer ran in herds, then turned as if playing tag and slashed through the snow like kids. I was not cold, even though I could see my breath and the smoke of hot breath from the frolicking animals. They finally came closer and a few circled me as I watched. Then, before I knew it they were all running in a wide circle around me. Big bucks, does, and smaller bucks, they all ran like lightning around me. It was exhilarating! They came closer and closer until I could almost touch them and then they stopped all at one time and faced me. I had fallen to my knees and tears covered my face as I watched the beauty of their movements and felt their raw power. I felt small and guilty in front of them, as if they knew my cowardly inner thoughts. It grew silent and all I could hear was the gasping from their exertions. The white buck came through them. They parted to make way for him and he came to my side. I reluctantly got on his back and we ran toward the beckoning bluffs above the lake.
That night we traveled all of the bluff lands and the giant white buck showed me many hidden things in the Earth and took me to a secret place that had a small pool of water in a rocky bowl that he drank from. He stomped his foot until I drank too. Knowledge and Images poured through me and I learned of the creation and sacrifice of the deer, why they are here, all that had happened from their beginning, to the time of the Indians, to my family arriving and our living and hunting on the land. I learned the secret names of the deer and learned why they danced in the moonlight and snow that Christmas Eve, the reason that Thunderhoof guarded the land, what he protected and the special reason why I was chosen to help him. We raced over the country as he showed me things that I could now understand, signs and meaning in the woods and hills. He showed me how the truth of the future and of a life and plan beyond what we know now was hidden there and guarded for all time.
Before I knew it, we stood at the backdoor of the camp and I dismounted exhausted and mesmerized by the great secrets that had been entrusted to me to keep. I hugged the giant white bucks great neck and fresh tears fell from my eyes as the joy of that night filled my soul that had seemed an empty shell only hours earlier. I stepped back and he trotted off into the deep snow. I watched till he disappeared into the whiteness, then went back in the camp house and built up the fire again.
I made more hot chocolate, thought of all that I had seen and learned and then dozed in front of the crackling fire. The thought of suicide was gone and I awoke the next morning completely refreshed, happy again and ready to get on with my life. Time makes the things he showed me fade or maybe they are supposed to. He could have just been a dream, but real or imagined my life was saved that night and new meaning given to it.
I found the popcorn bowl in the snow the next morning.

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

.45/70 Ballistics

I do not know much about ballistics. I can't tell you muzzle velocity, foot pounds per second or the difference in using a 180 grain vs. 130 or 240 grain bullet. I can tell you that Mark and I have shot two deer with the .45/70 Handi-Rifles and they really do the job. I do not mean to be gross but each deer left a short blood trail as wide as a 4-wheeler in the woods and did not run far. We both are pleased with the accuracy and the ease of using the short rifle. I am planning on using mine during the regular rifle season.

The Lammey Season

Abbeville, MS> In front of the Upper Graham Wildlife Refuge the Lammeys have a deer camp. The leaders of the camp are Davin and Jimmy Lammey. I can assure you that Jimmy and Davin are not doing any damage to the deer population, but luckily their kids are all really good hunters. Here is Jimmys' 10 year old daughter Amanda with her first buck.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Antler Bowl Results

Deer Death Valley, MS> The Antler Bowl started with a blast as Rex Howell ran the opening kickoff back 100 yards for a touchdown as the Marauders struck first. This was followed by Mark Stewart taking a doe Saturday morning and put their team up 10-0The bucks soon returned the favor as Paul let a big one slip up the middle for a score at the Hole and Burney let a 7 pt. walk. Score 10-10 at halftime.
Saturday afternoon Rex spotted a big one that ran around the end and through the cotton fields for a score while Paul let a nice one slip past him in a pouring rain.
Later Burney (our safety) let another one run over him and then missed a big one with his 45.70. Late in the 4th quarter the score was 10-31 Bucks. Burney did get a doe at the end of the game making the final score 13-31 Bucks. Another pitiful showing by the Marauders with the only bright spot being the magnificent deer that Rex scored the opening kickoff with.
PS Paul did manage to shoot one of the porker referees.

Dr. Mule Stays Bloody

The evil lawyer known as Dr. Mule gets the shakes if he is not involved in a bloodletting at least once a week as winter gets here. Once again his itchy trigger finger brought death and destruction to some hapless innocent foraging forest creature. Here is a pic of Paul (Dr. Mule), his new protegee' John Stewart and the Doemaster, Mark Stewart with the 110 lb. victim.

Monday, December 17, 2007

I Finally Got A Deer!

I have been hunting the T-Field and at 5:15 he came out. A nice 8-point that Paul instantly recognized as Old Bloody Horns.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Kill Hoof I,II

Vesuvius, MS> My damn brothers call me 5 times a day asking about all kinds of hunting crap. Then they want to talk about their damn deer. Trent even wants to come over, have coffee, and chat. DON'T THESE PEOPLE HAVE JOBS! It is time to get down, get mean and get even.


First I am going to find Thunderhoof.








Then I am going to kill him.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Last Pic. Dammit!

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The Antler Bowl 2007


Touchdown, MS> This weekend is the first bowl game of the season and is played during the still hunting season at the famous Christmas Place Stadium.
This is an annual rivalry game betweens the Marauders of Christmas Place Military Academy and the Bighorn Bucks of Christmas Deer University.
The cadets seem to have the advantage this year as Paul and Trent have already killed four of their best players but the Bighorns are game for a needed win.
Rex Howell, former star, is gathering splinters on the bench and really needs to come through this weekend.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Holy Crap!!


14 inch, 225 lb. hog with somewhere around 14 points.
Shoot me Now.

OH S##T !!!!!!

Just received a call tonight from Trent who slipped off to hunt this afternoon.
Oh My God! He has killed a giant 14 point. Will give details later if I don't kill myself.

Rest for the Wicked

Today it is raining, I'm tired and I actually have to work. Will rest up today and get prepared for the Antler Bowl this weekend. Please enlarge the pic below, print it out, frame it and put on your wall. I am going to.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Merry Christmas and Happy Deer Season

The Deer Camp Christmas Card
(Click for a Larger View)

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Monday, December 10, 2007

Stay Tuned Tomorrow

The famous Christmas Card that you have all heard about will be posted tomorrow. It has taken two months to put it together on something that I thought would take two days. I hope I got everybody in, and that there are not too many mistakes.I thank all of you for linking with me and I really wish for each of you a very, very Merry Christmas.
PS. I sure hope it is not a bust.

Tis' the Deer Hunting Season

Members of the bloodthirsty Christmas Place Hunting Club are making their way to camp this week to finish up the Muzzle-load Season and start the Antler Bowl.
The perfect part of the season is upon us and there is an expectant air of huge bucks and cold still mornings.
Members have been busy breaking furniture for firewood,griping and complaining about guests, dogs, and the weather. This Bodock Times reporter(who is not going to do crap) noticed they were humming and singing strange Deer Hunting Christmas Songs.


PAUL (DEER MURDERER) HOWELL- “Jingle Shells”
Jingle Shells, Jingle Shells
Blasting all the way,
Oh what fun it is to kill a deer on Christmas Day!
Dashing through the snow,
Looking for a deer to slay,
O’er the Indian mound I go,
Blasting all the way!
Jingle Shells, White Deer Tails
Blasting all the way.
Oh what fun it is to kill a deer on Christmas Day!!!!


BURNEY(TOADIE) HOWELL- “I’ll have Thunderhoof Home for Christmas!"
I’ll have Thunderhoof home for Christmas,
Just you wait and see,
I’ll have Thunderhoof home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams!


TRENT(RED WASP) HOWELL “He Came Unto The Odom Field”
He came unto the Odom Field,
With glor-i-ous horns of gold!
The grunt call did it's work
My ri-fle laid him low!


REX (BUCKMASTER) HOWELL “Whitetail Christmas"
I’m dreaming of a Whitetail Christmas,
Just like the ones Paul and Trent used to know.
Where the blood drops glisten and
Hunters listen,
To hear- big bucks in the snow!
I’m dreaming of a Whitetail Christmas,
With every deer I see on the pole.
May your deer horns be shiny and bright,
And I hope you have a deer on the pole tonight!


MORE GREAT CHRISTMAS SONGS LATER! (Reprinted from 12/2006)

Sunday, December 09, 2007

A Holiday Song

Just got off the phone with Mark "Mailrider" Stewart and he seems to be filled with all kinds of holiday cheer. Whistling and laughing, what the hell is he happy about? He hasn't killed a big old mule either. He broke out into an annoying song.
Oh, there's no place like camp for the holidays,
Because no matter how far away you hunt,
When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze,
For the holidays, you can't beat camp, sweet camp.

I met a man who lives in Tennessee,
He was headin' for,
Mississippi,
and a hunt with you and I.

From Pennsylvania, folks are travelin'
Down to Dixie's Christmas Place,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee, the traffic is terrific.

Oh there's no place like camp for the holidays,
Cause no matter how far away you hunt,
If you want to be happy in a million ways,
For the holidays,
You can't beat camp, sweet camp.

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Saturday, December 08, 2007

Pauls College Roommate

Mark Larson goes by the monicker "Pauls College Roommate". He keeps up with the blog to make sure Paul does not get the bighead and let us know what Paul is really like. Mark is celebrating his 50th birthday. I'm not sure this is right. Here is a picture of him with Marian and Bob at the camp. No gray hair on him and he doesn't look anywhere near as old as my evil lawyer brother Paul. Must be a mistake.

Mark is not a deer hunter but I admire that he is trying to do things with his son Allen and enjoy a variety of different pastimes. Mark brought Allen for his first deer hunt at the Christmas Place and darned if he didn't get a deer. We were not going to miss the chance to make sure he got bloodied. Allen was fun and a good sport along with his Dad and we really enjoyed their company.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Abbeville News

Bucket Stand, MS> I just received some photos from my cousin Davin Lammey. Their camp is really having a great year. Everyone except Jimmy is blasting deer right and left.

Davin and Jimmys' kids are having a great time at their camp located above the Upper Sardis Reservoir. They are backed up to the Refuge there and deer are everywhere.

Filling In Gaps

First, my good friend Kristine has opted out of the Christmas Card so I will touch it up and post it on Tuesday. If you want on it, please send a pic ASAP.
Next, Kathy at Camp Chicken got her deer, please go by and say congrats.

I received a note from Cookie.

He asked if I would post a link to a
Vintage Reproduction Calendar that is
being sold to support the wounded vets.
Go visit this honeys site at
Pin-Ups for Vets
Hey, I could use one for Christmas!
I like a pretty girl, I wonder if fishnet stockings
come in camoflague?

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Mapping My Problems

I am having one of those years. I have studied and studied this map of the famous Christmas Place and still can't find a big buck on it.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Christmas Card Update

Almost everyone has their picture in for the Christmas Card. The main ones I need are Kristine and Dana.
John has opted out and I think the Toast Man has too, even though I told them they could wear sunglasses, Santa Beards or a camo disguise.
Can't hear from the boys at Arkysafari or Bob from Salt Lake.
The pic will be ready to post in a week or so and I think you will love it.
Hopefully everyone will print it out and hang it on their wall!
Thanks for linking and thanks for your friendship.
I wish everyone a wonderful and Merry Christmas!
Update- Salt City Bob is in but room is almost gone, hurry.

Fanaticism?


This deer hunting is getting a bit extreme. Besides an Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, I think my brother Paul is getting way to fanatical about killing a deer. Here is a picture of him in his hunting outfit. What do you think?

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Purple Deer Hysteria


Big Buck, MS> Yes, Paul and Trent have been slaying big deer right and left and it is really getting tough on the rest of us. Mark (Mailrider) Stewart and Greg (Remo) Jones were at camp this weekend and things got confusing. When Paul gets a deer, they always try to stay in the game by telling some wild hunting story. I recently made a post and told you that I never let those two go off hunting together. They always see something crazy (they say). Last time they saw a big hairy Woolly Bully. this time they came in with a strange tale of something big, purple and with one eye. I can't take those two anywhere.

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Monday, December 03, 2007

Mule Murderer Strikes Again

Bloodbath, MS> The infamous, conniving and evil Paul Howell who is also known as the evil Dr. Mule, Mule Killer, and Old Greedy Mule has struck again.
Paul figured a way to get into the backside of Rex's honey-hole this weekend and of course the big buck walked right up to him as usual. BLAM!!! His muzzleloader belched out a sheet of flame and death and the huge 235 lb. monster hit the deck. It took 4 or 5 people to get that SOB out. Of course, they destroyed the whole area getting it out. So much for the Mountain.
The gigantic monster had a 17 1/2 inch inside spread and was very heavy. A great deer for the damn bloody Mule Killer. In related news Mark Stewart blasted a doe with his new 45/70, Trent took a doe out and Terry Cutrere got a doe too.
I am going home to lick my wounds and plot revenge.

Dr. Mule, Burney and Paul Jones enjoying a great night

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Burney and the Chipmunks

Christmas, Christmas time is near
Time for hunting, time for deer
We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast
Want a horn that loops the loop
Me, I want Ol’ Thunderhoof
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Want a horn that loops the loop
I still want Ol’ Thunderhoof
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

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