Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Othmar is Back!!


After over a year in storage, we finally have the Othmar back on the water. We spent a hot morning cleaning the pontoon boat up and making sure it was in great condition for when Jody comes down to sunbathe and fight the snakes, alligators, and wild hogs.

Monday, June 29, 2009

100 Degree Camping

All I can say is Thank God the camp has an airconditioner. The middle of the days are so hot you can not even think about getting out very much and doing anything. My cousins Davin and Burney went out in the mornings to go fishing and had a little success. They killed a lot of beer and even caught a few fish.

Denise and I made the attempt to find the blackberries and I think they are two weeks from being ready. Maybe my friend at Mommy Cracked and Marian will be able to join us then. We did stop at a very pretty spot where Spanish Moss overhangs the road and I wanted to show you that. We saw a few very, very, red colored deer and Dad managed to kill a rattler with his truck. Of course Dad found a few things for us to do during the hottest part of the day... we will tell about that later.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Berry Picking Time??

It is a hair early, but the blackberries are just getting ripe.
I am heading to camp today to meet Burney and his kids, Davin and his son Matt and a friend of theirs(Ronnie). My kids are coming up Saturday morning.
The object is to find something for them to do. Yes, they are going fishing but there are a lot of hours in the day to fill and picking blackberries sounds good to me. In many places you never have to get off your 4-wheeler, you can just rake them into a bucket. Hopefully it will be a fun time for all.
I bet my hippie chick friend Libby would want some.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mexican Weirdness

There is something strange going on in Mexico. Mark (Mailrider) Stewart left Saturday and Paul (Shyster) Howell left today for Cozumel, Mexico.
Does this not strike you as odd?
drinking, partying and enjoying a life of luxury sounds great but the idea of someone seeing their fat white bodies reflecting in the sun is a horrifying thought.
Of course the idea of those two rats slinking through the streets of Cozumel at night is terrifying too.
Let's see, crooked Lawyers and Government employees....
My God! they are going to take over and unionize the Mexican Postal Service!
I had better warn Jamie to guard the border.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Idle Hands

Dad has way too much time on his hands. Lately he has been seen driving all over town with this device in the back of his truck. He claims it is a Propane Tank, but you can tell it is obviously a Nuclear Bomb.
He says we can use this for auxillary heating at the camp and to cook on the grill outside. I did not know we were piped for nuclear fuel.
Looks like he has a plan to take care of Thunderhoof once and for all.
He is taking the bomb to the camp this weekend and I might go to Albuquerque.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Bear Claws' Baby Boy Graduates


Drew Stewart, son of the infamous Mailrider, has actually managed to graduate high school. His Momma, the woman only known as Bear Claw is soooo proud.
His good looks, pleasant manner and knowing a famous blogger (me) helped fool all the teachers at the Collierville High School for a passing grade and with the Stewart fortune, his father managed to buy his way into Ole Miss.
He wants to be a lawyer. HAHAHA!
He is ready to continue in his older brothers footsteps and I am sure the professors at Ole Miss will soon be calling him John Jr.
Needless to say his hunting will be more limited than it is now because if he fails he is looking at the Marines, Army or Air Force and Water Valley needs a few more guys riding around on the back of a Garbage truck.
CONGRATULATIONS DREW!!!
PS- do not worry, we will be glad to shoot those big old bucks you won’t be hunting this fall.

Monday, June 22, 2009

A Secret Hole

This weekend it was only about 100 degrees in the shade, but I got to camp to visit with dad for Fathers Day. Of coure, he was at camp. Where the hell else would he be? We had a relaxed weekend of basically hanging out and watching the U.S. Open. It was nice to be with him.
Camo and I did take a break and go across the property to look at a hunting spot I have been thinking about for a couple of years. Black flies, mosquitos and Camo trying to drive the Gator were hell but we got there and slipped into a deep valley.
Years ago it was too open, but now it is perfect for a big horned buck. Swampy, lots of water, thick brush with openings. Me and Spencer are about to pull a big whammer-jammer out of that hole this fall.

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Missing Golf Shoe

After my weird day of golf with Denise and Camo, I put my clubs and golf cleats in the back seat of my SUV. On Wednesday, Mr. Jones called and we decided to play again late that afternoon. Opening my truck I discovered one of my golf shoes was missing. I tore the truck apart, but no shoe. Who would have stolen my shoe?
I thought about who I had seen or heard from lately that could have stolen my shoe. What twisted mind could conceive of the idea? I quickly wrote down the names of all the suspects.
1. Mark Stewart- He once stole my tennis shoes and said he was just taking them for a walk.
2. Trent Howell- with his agricultural golf swing is super jealous of me.
3. Camo- I will not let her drive the golf cart.
4. Denise- afraid I will go on the Tour and leave her with Camo.
5. Jody- trying to ban me because she is afraid I will win the Pulitzer Prize from my brilliantly conceived Blog Posts.
6. Othmar- He is trying to take over the world one shoe at a time.
7. Goon- jealous because he has to play golf in snow 11 months of the year.
I am hot on the case now and will discover the culprit soon.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Golf With Camo

On Mondays the country club here is closed so I thought it would be a perfect time to take Denise and Camo to play golf with me. I could see me blistering the course and rolling in those birdies as Denise watched in awe and my faithful dog trotted along with me. I do not know what kind of drugs I was on.
The problem started on the first tee as I had to explain the rules of etiquette to Camo as she tried to rip the club out of my hand.
Finally we got going and it rapidly got worse.
The first water filled ditch we came to Camo bailed off into the middle of it. Sploosh! Denise said "why did you hit your ball over here?" WHACK! I hit it again.
Camo decided to roll across the green while I was putting. A quick shake and she went looking for another water hole. WHACK! "Rex! There could be snakes over here!"
Splash! Camo jumped into the lake; damn dog looked like a beaver cutting across it.
"Why did you hit your ball in the water?" "There's mosquitos out here!
Galoomp, Galoomp, Camo tried to run off with my golf ball. WHACK! Whizzz...
"That was pretty before it went in the woods" Sploosh! in the creek.
Camo wasn't worth a damn helping me line up putts and we had some trouble with holding the flag. She got the message to pull it out but catching her and getting the damn thing back was a problem.
"Rex. I'm sweating" Splash! Grrrrrr!
"Get back you stupid dog!" Galoomp, Galoomp, Splash!
"Is this the last hole?" YES!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Strange Statues


These are dotted across our land at the famous Christmas Place.
Is it me? or do they bear a strange and uncanny resemblance to Steve Creek?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

An Amazonian Tidbit

Things are quiet here, but since it is, I want to mention a strange group of people that live in the deepest and hardest to reach portion of the famous Christmas Place. Strangely, it is a group of women that seemed to have adapted well to the terrain and hardships of living off the land. Being the nice guy I am, I spend a lot of time trying to communicate with them and get to know these ladies.
All you guys that I have invited down that have not come to visit me,
Eat your heart out!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hogs Squared


Two years ago I had never even seen a wild hog.
Last year we killed almost 40 of the damn things.
Dad has come back from camp with the news that the
hogs are destroying everything on the property.
They are even digging wallows in the side of the leevee
on the lake. This could be a real problem.
Their reproduction rates must put a rabbit to shame.
I don't know if we can shoot enough of them to stay ahead.
Obviously, we need more alligators.

Friday, June 12, 2009

P-H-D in D-E-E-R



The Doctor is IN.

I wonder if I could get a session for that damn Thunderhoof?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Deer Camp Reader


Deer Reader, Deer Reader,
You won't believe this.
I write like a genius, can't get me no hits!
I hide in my room all the day long,
writing an epic, a best-selling book.
I swear I'm a genius, please give me a look
signed- Crider
Deer Crider, Deer Crider,
You have no complaint.
You are what you are, and you ain't what you ain't.
so listen up Buster, and listen up good
stop writing like Phillip and knocking on wood.

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Notes From The VA Conference

Yesterday I had to get up early and drive to Jackson for a Veterans Affairs conference. Listed below are the things you need to know if you are going to apply for a VA loan.
1. if you buy a homelot, the driveway better be on your property all the way to the street. If not, I am going to require a permanent easement and a road upkeep agreement.
2. if your water is from a well it better be on your property. (No matter what your Mom next door says). I am going to require a permanent easemant and an upkeep agreement.
3. don't call me to do an appraisal on your new home unless you are finished. we will let a few doorknobs and light fixtures slide, but it had better be very close to a final product.
4. if the house you want to buy is in really bad shape, do not even apply for a VA loan to begin with. (I would suggest a bridge loan to start.)
5. If you served in the Civil War like Jon Bryan, I am not sure what program you should apply for in the VA. Maybe something to do with 40 acres and a mule?
That should wrap up about all you need to know for today.

Monday, June 08, 2009

What's Wrong With My Hair?

I have been noticing something wrong with my hair. I have a full head of sandy brown hair but recently I have noticed some light colored streaks in it. In fact they seem to be white and gray;, and to make it worse they seem to be getting bigger.
I need a cure for this if you have any suggestions.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Old Camp In Abbeville- 1960's

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Summer Time In Mississippi

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Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Rebs Win !!!

The Ole Miss Rebels Baseball Team has won their Regional playoff and are now headed to the Super Regionals this Friday to play the Virginia Cavaliers. Those guys are very good too, so it should be quite a matchup.
Please visit your roving reporter Matt Coughlin for an update.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Like Peas And Cornbread

Whatever else you know about them, those Lammeys like a fish. This past Memorial Day they organized a big fishing weekend at their camp near Abbeville. They finished it off with a big fish fry that night that everyone enjoyed. Even Burney, who may have a little Lammey blood in him, went over and had a great time.
They posted a lot of pics on Facebook and from those pics it looked like a real party atmoshere. I think Judge Lammey even showed up. Davin is the organizer and has made a great effort to bring all our families closer together. Here is a pic of them hanging out and frying the fish.
Looks like we all missed a great time.

Monday, June 01, 2009

2 Broken Plates


Pauls' daughter Haley and Old Scratchs' son Tyler both graduated this year. Please donate to their respective colleges to the Get Out Of Jail fund.