Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Monday, August 31, 2009

Oh for "Blogger Babes" Sake!

Ritz Carlton, MS> The members at the famous Christmas Place have been extremely worried about the famous "blogger babe" known as Jody over at the Hunters Wife. She writes about hunting and fishing, but seems to have some weird phobia about dirt, bugs and creepy crawly gross things.
We all want her to come down and visit but spend a lot of time worrying about her. She doesn't hunt, won't touch a fish, owns no camo clothing and is not real fired up about being out in the woods at all.
Even though she has an aversion to the outdoor life, we think she could have a wonderful time visiting us.
We have miles and miles of roads to ride 4-wheelers, beautiful land and wildlife to enjoy, a big lake to fish in and a lot of fun people to be around.
In our discussion we finally touched on the number one thing that a woman needs to come and visit us. This is a decent bathroom and shower so she can stay clean and beautiful. After riding around or fishing she can come in and wash any trace of a bug off her body and get the squirrels out of her big hair.
A major effor was put into revamping our guest bathroom this weekend and it came out great.
Jody we are waiting on you.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Roundup

Water Valley, MS> Tonight the Water ValleyBlue Devils play their arch-enemy and cross county rivals, the Coffeeville Pirates. Should be a doozy.
I am trying to tie up loose ends so I can go to camp and help work on the fields. It looks like rain again, but we are running short on time.
I am working on a Halloween Story called Night Wings. Pretty good if I do say so myself.
Bow season starts soon, squirrel camp is looming, gotta get ready for the Youth Hunt, dove season is next Saturday and I have got to figure a way to get those old people like Bobby, Dad, Trent, and Paul in the nursing home and out of the way so I can hunt. Not to mention I will probably have to shoot a deer for Matt. Whewww, I have a lot to do.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Camo Hates Meese

Siberia, Ak> My brother James, from the outback of Alaska, recently sent me these pics of his kids with a Moose that they just blasted near their home. Camo looked at the pics and started growling like mad. She growled about 10 times then ran off with my shoe. Damn, Evil Dog.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

What About My Picture???






The Ole Miss Rebels are on the Rise
Jevan Snead is leading the way and
the legendary Houston Nutt is
hoping to coach them right
into the Sugar Bowl


But I still can't get my picture in a famous magazine (like Outdoor Life or even Rolling Stone)

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Christmas and Halloween Reminders

Twisted Truth, MS> Today I want everyone to know that it is time to start finding and sending me your picture for the Christmas Card. If you have never done this before please look here and here. This is a lot of fun but does take some hard work to get it right. I will start a desktop file to put the pics in. Please email me with your picture as soon as possible.
Halloween will be upon us soon too. Each year I try to write 3 or 4 Spooky Stories for that time of year.
This is also a lot of fun for me and if you have any suggestions for a story or if you have one you would like to post during October please let me know.
PS- with the mild weather we have had all summer, it looks like we are looking at an unbelievably good deer season, pass the word to your friends to drop by here and see what is happening at the Deer Camp Blog.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Dozing the World

Flat Top, MS> This weekend at the famous Christmas Place, my father (Hershel) was in his element. He had a bulldozer at his disposal and lots of places to use it.
Plus he had the best dozer operator I have ever seen. All was right with the world of course he almost worked the operator to death.
Here is a pic of him pushing the operator to his limit by chasing him through the fields making him work faster.
Mark and I were in charge of clearing roads with the trimmer. Kim and Denise helped out along the way.
The weather was mild and we all enjoyed being out and around the property. Paul was about worthless as usual, but besides that it was a lot of fun. Dad even cleared a few places that I have been bugging him about for several years, before he went and did all of his favorite son's (Pauls) places that he wanted cleared.
Going along one of the roads we discovered an Indian Plum tree that was absolutely loaded with plums. This is a late blooming plum that comes in with the muscadines in the fall. Here is a pic of Denise and Kim checking it out.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Queen Of Hearts


We spent this morning making sure that the Queen of Hearts was safely perched atop her new throne at OLE MISS. Yes, Haley Howell is now on the grounds of the University of Mississippi. This should be a very interesting year for everyone. We have been moving her into her luxurious new dorm room since 7:30 this morning.
God help us all.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Hide the Women, Kids, and Dogs

Pancake, MS> I received a call from Dad late yesterday afternoon that the Bulldozer was on it's way to the famous Christmas Place. Let's see, the last time we had one there Dad managed to burn it up and run the driver off.
All of our roads are in terrible shape and need to be run with the blade to make them passable. A lot of new roads need to be pushed out so that we can reach areas that have been unhuntable in the past. We have all agreed on this. Unfortunately, Dad is trying to get the dozer down in that mudhole he calls a lake to work the leevee so he can kill a damn duck.
Dad gets a strange gleam in his eyes when he gets a bulldozer going and it does not take long for him to turn into Dozer Man. Once he gets started you better get the hell out of the way, hide the women, kids and especially your dog because there is no stopping him. Gators, Hogs, Deerses, BigFoots and everything else better be running for their lives!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Othmars Dilemma

Ottawa, CAN> In a meeting room high atop the camouflage skyscraper that is home to Othmar Enterprises, a tense conference was in session. The board members sweated under the glare of the frosty eyes of their President, Othmar Vohringer as they went over the numbers from the previous year. To say the least, Othmar was not impressed.
Finally Othmar could take it no more and had Miss Lappadance remove herself from his lap and sent her to make him another martini. (shaken not stirred)
A wave of his hand stopped all chatter and he pointed at his director of advertising. “What do you mean, we are only getting 4 million hits a day on our website?”
“We have Twitter, Facebook, and everything else you can think of, What-Is-The- Problem?” he roared. No one moved or said a word as they hid behind their laptop computers.
“You!” he pointed again to the skinny man in glasses. “You are in charge of my advertising! We need a new plan. Do you have any new ideas?” he growled.
The room went deathly silent as the man sputtered and finally spoke up. “Uhhh..,How about a video to send to your readers that captures all of your greatest Deer Hunts?”
All breathing stopped in the room as Othmar mulled this over.
“Brilliant!”he exclaimed. “Brilliant Idea!” “Start on it immediately and give yourself a $2 raise”
Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief until a waving hand at the end of the big table caught Othmar’s eye. “Yes, Roberts. You have something you wish to add?” Othmars piercing eyes stared through the man as the room went deathly silent again.
“Uhh, Mr. Othmar, don’t you actually have to kill a deer first?”
Before anyone could react more than to draw in their breath,
Othmar reached down and pushed a red button, the floor opened and the seat that Roberts was in vanished through a hidden trap door in the floor. The terrible screams quickly died away as the smoking chair returned to it’s upright position and the trap door shut.
“Collins, Call Rex and book me a seat on a jet plane to Mississippi. Looks like I am going to start my video series at the famous Christmas Place.”

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Shhhh! It's Finally Quiet

Water Valley, MS> It is finally quiet at the office today. For the last month we have been busier than ever but there seems to be a quietness in the air this week.
Like the lull before the storm, I feel I am waiting. Everything is about to change with the beginning of fall. Dove season, Squirrel season, Ole Miss Football, and especially Deer season are just on the horizon.
I still have plenty of work to do, but find myself checking my blogroll more now than I did. I could even use some Boobies and Beer to start the day off.
I hope all of you are starting to feel the Anticipation of another great year just beginning.
Upcoming stories-
1. lots of stories about getting my worthless brothers to help with the planting.
2. Othmar's Dilemma
3. More on Toby Tubby and the Indian Gold
4. where is my Taxidermist?, (probably at Mark's house)
5. Ten-Point Club Meeting
6. Annual Interview With Thunderhoof
7. Dove season starts in Sept.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Remedial Lessons

After moving Princess Hillary into her apartment at Ole Miss last Saturday morning, Mark, Drew and I drove to camp to work on stands. Getting there we found that there was not a whole lot we could do because the deer were having their Remedial Lessons in Stealth and Concealment. You don't think those awful beasts take lessons in this? Maybe, you are the one that is crazy!
We spent most of our time cleaning around the camp, but Mark and I did slip over to the lake to see what was going on. Thunderhoof was getting all the bucks ready for deer season. Teaching them to walk through the woods without making a sound. How to turn into a stump so a hunter won't see them. How to sneak up behind hunters and then blow loud enough to give them a heart attack and especially how to hide almost anywhere. Even in the wide open! He was also teaching them to dodge arrows and run through a thicket so their horns would not catch. That deer has got to go.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Another Reason To Go To Camp

Vavoom, MS> Straight across from our camp in the Delta is the Hillside National Wildlife Refuge. The new manager is Stephanie Allison. She is an excellent hunter and a real beauty. She also seems to be really doing a great job there. She and her husband dropped by the camp recently.
Mike, Dayne, Moose, Phillip, please don't suddenly start emailing me and telling about how you have always had an overwhelming desire to hunt here.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Scenes From Camp

Trent cutting the fields, his is fine as long as we watch him. Remember what happened the last time we turned him loose on the tractor.

The best time of day is right after the sun sets and all of us meet on the patio for a cold drink and to talk about the day.

Hey! I am still a hottie, but that Jody is hot as a firecracker!

the world famous author working in his garden.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Most Important Thing...

Foggy Swamp, MS> With the state of the economy in a whirl, I thought it best to write down the #1 Most Important Thing I Need To Do in the next few months. Many friends have lost their jobs, the real estate market completely sucks, my taxes are about to shoot all to hell, no insurance, I may be on welfare soon and my dog is crazy.
What is the Most Important Thing I Need to Do? What do I need to accomplish in the next few months? I thought about it long and hard. Here is the answer.
I need to kill that no-good, sorry, rotten, hateful, big-horned flea bag of a deer-
Thunderhoof
Deer season starts in October and that nasty varmint needs to go.
I have it all planned, I have even made arrangements to hire the best event planner and photographer in the United States, Kimberly Coughlin, to jet down to take pictures of the gigantic beast when I bring him in to put on the hanging pole. She is even going to add his pictures and obituary to her blog.
Whew, now that I have that off my mind, I guess I can concentrate on football season and other important stuff.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

A Confederate Map 14

(Last Chapter)
So there we sat in the woods drinking and trying to figure out what to do next. The lantern light lit up the little clearing and even in the 90 degree heat, everyone was still ready to continue. We discussed the map and the notation of 690 feet beside the X. Everyone knew we had found the marker we were looking for but not how to use it.
I called Cookie on my cell phone and told him the bad news but not to give up on us.
Mark cleared out around the metal rod protruding from the hole and finally sat down to have a drink and relax. He and I both had checked with the metal detector and I can assure you that no cannon full of gold was buried at the bottom of the hole. We relaxed and drank away the heat of the day and it seemed like a good time to retell the whole story about the journal of Julian Christmas and everyone sat quietly while I retold the tale in the glow of the lantern light.
I guess we would have sat there for another hundred years if it was not for Bob. He had spent a lot of time gazing at the metal rod tip and suddenly said “ It looks like you put something on top and turn it.” I peeped over in the hole as all talk suddenly stopped.
Instantly I knew exactly what to do next.
“Eureka!” I said and gave Bob a hug. Everyone crowded around the hole again to look at the tip of the rod and see if they could figure out what the heck I was talking about and I went back up the hill to the Gator and got my backpack out. I zipped it open and pulled out the strange wrench I had found and hurried back to the glow of the lantern. I slid the wrench down on the tip but we had to dig out around it a little more. I tried again, it would not fit. I moved it round the square end, turned it over, kept going and suddenly it slipped on perfectly. Everyone looked down the line it pointed. I tried it from every position but it only fit in that one particular spot. A cheer went up and Mark and I quickly moved the survey instrument over it.
The wrench pointed almost due Southwest.
All we lacked was 690 feet to find the treasure.
It was almost 10:00 PM now but everyone started cutting and moving brush, while Mark and I tried to figure out how to look through the survey instrument in the pitch dark. After about thirty minutes we got the first 75 feet shot by Mark holding the stake in front of him while Denise shone a flashlight at his chest. We moved, shot our back line by holding a light there and got ready for the next shot.
The open woods had disintegrated into a giant thicket of cane, thorns, and thick brush but everyone kept hacking on it. We got another 100 feet through this mess until all of the gang was completely exhausted. We took a break, then Mark and I looked at each other, picked up the big curved blades and waded into the wall of thick vines and cane again. We put a flashlight down on the ground to see by and started cutting away.
What came next was a complete surprise.
Mark and I stood almost shoulder to shoulder cutting away when the ground gave way under our feet. We both yelled as down we fell. We tried to grab anything to hold onto. I flipped, rolled, fell against him and then there was a giant SPLASH.
When I came up sputtering, I was neck deep in the lake. Mark surfaced and we spent a second or two just staring at each other and deciding if our bodies were broken and if we would live. Nothing was hurt except my pride. We looked at each other a moment, we both looked out across the lake, then almost straight up to where a sharp overhanging bank had broken off from our weight. Lantern light shone down on us and Marian yelled “Did-You-Find-ittttt?” Mark and I turned and looked out at the center of the lake. He yelled up “Nooooo, But-We-knows-Where-It-Issss!”
Wet and muddy we staggered out of the lake and so ended our treasure hunt. We marked our last survey point and if we ever drain the lake we can start from that spot.
Everyone has kept the secret (GuyK evens laugh about it now) but I can’t convince Dad that he needs to drain the lake to restock it. If I tell him the treasure is there he will call me a fool and laugh at me again.
Somewhere under that 40 acre lake, I still believe there is a cannon barrel full of gold and one day I’m going to get it.

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Monday, August 10, 2009

A Productive Weekend

Hot Sauce, MS> This weekend we had a very productive work camp. Chainsaws started promptly at 7AM and all the wood for the winter was cut by noon.
We spent the afternoon splitting and stacking it until my old brothers ran out of energy. Don't worry, my brother Paul made sure to tell us exactly how to do it, but those old b@#$$$#s were useless that afternoon. I am tired of dealing with old people for crying out loud.
That night we had Paul Jones, Dorothy Henry, and Rennie Hodge over for dinner and had (what else) wild hog with all the trimmings.
Dad, Trent, Paul, Michael, Wanda, Austin, Burney, Denise, Trigger and Camo were all there to help this weekend and getting the firewood detail out of the way frees us up to start on the fields.
Sunday we finished the little bit of splitting and stacking then trimmed all the gigantic shrubs around the house and moved to the patio to cool off with a cold drink and watch Dad putter around in the garden.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Stalked By A Mad Deer

Yes, it is true. I did not see the nasty varmint, but he disrupted the Carnival with his antics all weekend. Everywhere I went there were pictures and drawings of the gigantic nuisance. When I asked where he was the answer would be "Oh, he just left with some beautiful blonde" or "I just saw him dancing over in the street with 4 or 5 women." For some reason women just love his sorry butt. I kept looking for him but he is an elusive critter. I heard him laugh and looked around several times but he slipped away through the crowds. Here is an example of what I had to put up with.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Erin's Birthday


Today is my daughter Erins Birthday. She is either 12 or 26, sometimes I can't tell the difference. Please go over to Facebook and leave a congratulations.
She will not write on her blog right now even though I encourage her all the time.
Yes, I got her a very cool North Face backpack.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Who????

Out of a little town in the Mississippi delta, a hero appeared. His legend grew and songs of hope and glory followed him.
This heartlifting song still reverberates through the Grove at Ole Miss.
The Ballad of Archie Who

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Watermelon Carnival 2009

Water Valley, MS> Saturday morning started with rain but stopped by 8 o'clock and the park was full of people checking out the arts and crafts, playing games and seeing old friends. There was a big shower at 11 but did not deter anyone. It was crowded and fun to be there.

The famous Pullen boys were there selling watermelons in front of the office. The watermelon sellers are all around the park selling during the day and most everyone has to buy one before they leave.

There was plenty of food and fun. Free watermelon slices at noon and the great
weigh-in for the largest watermelon.


This year the largest watermelon was 165 lbs. Then they actioned it off for charity and it brought in over $100.
Unfortunately, the Pullen boys did not do well in the competition.



We then caught the Melon Shuttle and headed downtown to catch the action with the Watermelon Carver.
We tried to ditch Spencer while we were there but he managed to find us again before the day was over.
Here are a few pics of the artist in action and the very interesting art he creates.


All on all, another very fun Watermelon Carnival, y'all come next year.

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Monday, August 03, 2009

Watermelon Carnival 2009

Water Valley, MS> The Watermelon Carnival this year was a low key affair, probably caused by the intermittent showers of rain all weekend. A smaller crowd was on hand, but still it was a lot of fun.
Friday night was the big street dance, and our friends and family set up chairs on the porch at our office and enjoyed the night. Here is a pic of Kim and Denise looking lovely.
Here are some other good friends that we enjoyed the night with. Angie M. with Denise and Rusty Arendale.
We checked out the vendors in the park, listened to music, ate funnel cakes, visited with old friends and enjoyed cold beverages.

Everything was perfect and then the King and Queen of the Carnival arrived. My father Hershel Howell and Dorothy Henry stole the show. I can't tell you how many people trooped by to say hello to them.
It was too good an opportunity to miss and we convinced them to head for the dance floor. It's not everyday a world famous author is seen cutting a rug at the Watermelon Carnival. There was a break in the music and we enjoyed a wonderful fireworks display, then the music started up again. Everyone seemed to have a wonderful and relaxed time that night and looked forward to the Watermelon carnival starting the next day. I will report on the largest melon, watermelon carving and the crowds later. I wish you all could have been here.

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