Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta

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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Bon-Bons and Watching Wheel Of Fortune


Everyone please go over to Marians Hunting Stories and welcome her back to the blogging world. She has been laid up at the hospital for a week or so complaining about some vague and mysterious bug bite on her tush.
Basically she sat around eating bon-bons and watching Wheel of Fortune. (Jody would be so proud!)
She has finally decided to leave the spa and get back to work.
Please tell her you missed her and are glad she is back.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Who Is Thunderhoof?

or for that matter, Who is John Galt?
(Part 1) April 15th.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Hog Feathers

It was a cool weekend at the famous Christmas Place Hog Farm as the turkey hunters roamed the woods looking for a big gobbler. Paul heard several and Dad saw at least one turkey but they did not respond to the calls. Meanwhile, Trent was wearing out his gun barrel blasting hogs up at the Secret Field. He managed to take two up there this weekend. When it gets warm enough, it looks like a hog Bar-B-Que will be coming up.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Good-Bye Ma Bell

I got rid of my landline.
This week I changed the lines at my office over to another carrier.
I am saving $350-$400 per month by doing this.
No wonder everyone is leaving Ma Bell.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

New Name For Deer Hunting

If you live in one of those crazy places where you are made to feel as if you should apologize for being a deer hunter, worry no more!
Now instead of deer hunting you can say "kinetic removal of free range deer"
I swear to God, if I have to hear or put up with any more of this political correctness bs...................

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Fox Vs Turkey = Dead Turkey

Gobbleville, MS> Hershel Howell aka (the silver fox), retired oil tycoon, famous author and skiller hunter still has it at the age of 83. He blasted this big turkey near the base of the leevee this past weekend. After his horrible hunts last year he thought it was time to hang up his spurs, but it looks like the turkey will be hanging up his instead. Congratulations on this nice bird with a 9-inch beard!

Monday, March 21, 2011

The Secret To Golf

Mr. Jones and I played golf on Sunday and I was going along playing really well for this time of year. Hey, I was even par and on cruise. I hit a great tee shot down the middle and was staring a birdie in the face if I could just hit it tight in there. This was the mistake. Clank! Whack! 3 or 4 shots later I was at the next hole and I continued to flail at the ball like it was a snake.
When we finished I realized that I was doing great until I started thinking, then it all went to hell. So to be a good golfer you have to either not have a brain or be a complete moron.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Come as You Aren't

Be there Saturday night. do something different, do something fun. It is also for a good cause. No, I am not dressing up as Mark (Mailrider) or something evil like a lawyer and that damn deer better not be there.

North Mississippi Herald
The “Come As You Aren’t” Costume Party/Dance Saturday night at Bozarts Gallery might even attract a few aliens to help raise funds for the Water Valley Art Council. Pati D’Amico and Bill Warren are showing off their other worldly outfits for the event which begins at 7:30. Tickets are $10 at the door. Though costumes are not required, there will be prizes awarded for the funniest, most beautiful, and most original costumes. For further info contact Ramona Bernard at 473-9851 or ramona.bernard@gmail.com or Warren at 473-0972.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Deer Hunters Woe

"Oh, woe is me!”
Ever I sit lonely in my tree.
No deer to sooth me,
Alas, no tempting horns can I see,
deep in the forest running free

“Oh woe is me!”
My fair weapon rusted in the rain
I look, I search to end my pain
While others brag of their fair gain
Alone I struggle with my bane.

“Oh woe is me!”
The giant buck, a beast of fame,
withers my hopes. Alas! my shame.
for knowing that his stride is game
I hunt, I seek to ever claim his name

“Oh woe is me!”
Forsooth to place his horns upon my roof
and ever brag of mighty Thunderhoof!

Shakyspear

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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A New Old Friend


Yes, I am on Facebook and for some reason most of my friends seem to be Insurance Agents. Very damn strange, but today an old friend contacted me and we are now friends (again). Bill was my best friend growing up and we drifted apart as we grew older, but there was a time when we hunted and fished all the time together, we chased the same girls, explored every scope of woods and hills in our part of the world, we skiied, drank, and spent weeks at the beach. We enjoyed life like it would never change. We graduated and went seperate ways. He went to the Army and I went to college and it was never the same again. I hope we can renew that friendship and I hope there is someone out there that you can renew old ties with again too.
There are some tremendous stories of things that we did that I will try to put on here as I can put them together.

Monday, March 14, 2011

No Fowl, No Pork, No Birdies

There was no blasting at the famous Christmas Place this weekend as no hogs or turkeys showed themselves. Paul has gone into withdrawal pains.
Even the fish weren't biting. Looks like another week before the turkeys get into strutting their stuff.
On the bright side, I did take Mr. Jones and go play golf this weekend. It was not a complete disaster as we both shot around 90 using liberal winter rules. A good start there anyway.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Appreciating The Arts

Living in Water Valley, you do not find much appreciation for the Arts. This is a rural farm community of about 3000 hard working people that wouldn't take time to spit on the Mona Lisa if it was on fire.
These people are missing a very fun time by not attending the premieres at Bozarts studio.
Dress halfway decent, go in and visit with everyone, drink as much champagne, and eat as much food as possible. Pretend that you really like and understand the art. Ogle all the hot girls in their revealing dresses, dance if there is music, drink some more. It is always a very fun time and you meet some really interesting people. If you are in town tonight, go by there, everyone will be glad to see you and you will have a good time.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Turkey Season Starts Saturday

With all the hog blasting and skulking around to shoot one, the turkey season has slipped up on us. Dad left for camp this morning to finalize his blinds and try to roost a big gobbler.
I made the suggestion before he left that it would be wise to keep some buckshot or slugs handy in case hogs come out on him. Might get kind of hairy in a hurry.
Since there is killing to be done, my evil brother will be there. No, the one on the coast. Paul is also bringing up the illustrious walking encyclopedia, David Hyde. He never met a hog that didn't look better with a bullet in it.
Ought to be an interesting weekend.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

You Say It's My Birthday

Another year older and deeper in debt.
Thanks for the many birthday wishes. Thunderhoof even texted me!

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Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Hungry Yankees

The boys from Minnesota were down for the hog hunt and hungry to get a big porker to take home. They are exceptionally good people and were a joy to be around. They did everything in their power to get a hog but no success. They probably need a better guide than me.
We are looking forward to them coming back to try it again.

This is Jacob, Joe and Ron and even though they talk funny we really enjoyed them coming to camp.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Hog Camp 2011

Success! The hog camp of 2011 was a great success as we eliminated three hogs and had several other close encounters. Tony killed this prehistoric looking porker off in one of the big hollows by the lake.
Here is Tony and Robert (our cousin)

Friday, March 04, 2011

Hog Lust


Unlike Phillip at the Hog Blog, I do not suffer from lusting after the blood of those nasty damn hogs. But, it is amazing to me the people that do.
One of the jokes in our camp is
If Mark had two bullets and a trophy buck and a hog came out in front of him, what would he do?
The answer is- shoot the hog twice.
Lots and lots of people that do not care for deer hunting can not wait to get a crack at a hog.
Maybe one day Phillip will come down to visit, maybe bring Holly with him, and show us how the heck you really get after those hogs. Waiting.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Yankee Hog Rules


As stated we are bringing in a bunch of Yankees to hog hunt this weekend and it could get dangerous. Here are some rules for them to observe.
1. Don't shoot the Saquatches. I don't know what the fine is for that and don't want to know.
2. Hogs and deer are different animals and species. Look hard before shooting.
3. Burney and I are not hogs, don't shoot us either.
4. Camo is not a hog either and she don't care much for Yankees.
5. Don't mess with Two-Gun Tony, I don't want to have to clean up any blood.
6. Mark and Tony work for the Post Office. Please don't ask about weapons or psych evaluations in front of them.
7. If you are attacked by a hog, be quiet. Other people are hunting.
8. Have a good time and don't blow your damn fool head off.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

The Sasquatch Files


I went over to Moose Droppings to check up on the search for Bigfoot. The big circus they had up there looking for him was all done completely wrong. Why do you look for him? The main thing you want is a picture and his autograph of course. He is almost as famous as Elvis! The sasquatches, sasquati, whatever, on our property are just as elusive as those in North Carolina and I can't get them to sit still for a picture. If they do, they ham it up so bad no one believes the pics are real. I am going to do some sleuthing this summer and find out more about them and why they spend their summer vacations at the famous Christmas Place. Will be reporting more on them later.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Ghillie Boys' Birthday

Today is Spencers birthday. The first thing to remember is that all the cool stuff happens when you are 16. He is going to have a very interesting year. The most important thing though is that he was born on National Pancake Day. Yes that is today and of course it's all the pancakes you can eat. Congratulations to a fine kid that is really interested in joining the Marines and is looking forward to serving his country.
As you can tell from his shooting ability, he wants to be a sniper.