Soothe, that as the bleak days of an endless and hopeless
deer season stretched out before me,
I set my desire to leave this troubled kingdom and travel to
a land of horns and honey.
Therefore, I set sail and left the realm of Paul the Terrible
and cast my lot to the unknown seas.
Through rolling seas and raging storms the tiny ship
struggled, and there we faced perilous sea creatures, deer pirates, and the
call of the Sirens of the Isle of Ribeyes.
Yea, the stout ship sailed uncharted seas and I lashed
myself to the wheel as we even stood against the force of Typhoon Trent.
At last we finally languished in a dead sea and the doomed
ship faced the mighty Kraken and I was pitched into the brink and finally cast
onto the sand of a mysterious land.
There, I hunted my way to the center of a great swamp and
was beset by Giant boars, ravenous wolves, And evil deer of all sizes, until I faced the Great Golden
Horned Buck and slew the mighty beast.
There I cut off his great horns and fleece and became the
ruler of this strange land filled with giant deer, Until the time that I returned to the forsaken kingdom of
Christmasland and threw out the perpetual Rule Makers and the evil whispering
Mystic and returned peace and good hunting to all.