Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta


Monday, April 21, 2014

An Easter Without

This past weekend we headed for camp and the Easter Weekend. The weather was perfect and the woods were beautiful. Paul and Michael turkey hunted with no luck, but they did hear plenty. Spencer, Austin and I started working around the camp and Trent showed up also.
Denise, Wanda and Hillary helped with everything from cooking, to cleaning, to making sure we did not get too down.
Everyone pitched in to make the camp look as nice as possible, felt like we needed to do that for Dad.
Paul Jones came by and we had a great visit, then the boys headed for the golf course to battle it out.
That night we cooked steaks on the grill and had a really good meal and sat around the fire telling old stories and sharing a drink.
Sunday, no turkeys again, but the hogs are back in full force.  Church was at Eden at 10. We worked that morning on the yard, then had a big lunch and headed back to the Valley.
It felt good to be there and maybe Dad is hanging out there too.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Hershel Howell Leaves For Camp

Monday my Dad left this world or maybe left Water Valley to permanently stay at the Christmas Place, which was his idea of heaven. He was 87, and to us still young and vibrant. Everyone here is devastated but know that he went out with his boots on, as they say. The pain is great right now but I will find some humor and tell more stories as time goes by. I will always miss him and carry him in my heart. Hershel Howell was a man, a man that lived life to the fullest and just like he wanted, a true force of Nature.

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Fish, Feathers, or Treasure?

According to our resident turkey hunting professional (ie Dad), there is not a damn turkey on the whole Christmas Place. They are gone. So basically, Dad sits in the woods catching a few zzzz's in the morning then gets ready to go fishing with Paul Jones. Sounds absolutely terrible, right?
The crappie are about to start biting and the whole property is coming alive with the beautiful weather. Since the turkeys won't cooperate, the hogs have left and gone into the darkest part of the bottoms, and the fish are not quite ready, I guess it is time to bring out the Metal Detector and once again search for the lost Christmas Place Treasure.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Turkey Sidestep

"Dad, where are you going to hunt this weekend?"
"I heard a rumor that you heard a big gobbler down by the pond stand"
"Dad, Dad?. Where the hell did he go?"

Monday, March 17, 2014

Satan Wins Major Award

Please try not to faint.Yes it is true that our old friend and hunting companion, Satan himself, has won a major award. Yes, a Major Award! Paul Howell, that pure-hearted, good-natured, loving, caring, friend to all people, and known philanthropist has been named Boss Of The Year by the Gulf Coast Association of Legal Support Professionals. (I don't know either but I think everyone else was on Spring Break.)
YES.. it is a major award. No.. I do not know what they were drinking, but everyone knows that Satan is busy, busy, busy all the time, and it is great when his peers recognize such a selfless work ethic.

Congratulations to our well known hunting pal and humanitarian, Satan.  Keep up the good work!

Friday, March 14, 2014

The Clock Gobbles

Today, all the turkey hunters will be heading to the famous Christmas Place for the opening of turkey season. Dad has already been there two days so I am sure he knows where every turkey on the place is roosting. I am sure there will be some interesting reports coming in on who got what and how somebody got outwitted by Mr. Longbeard.
Stay tuned.

Monday, March 10, 2014

The Miracle of Turkeys

Turkey season is about to start at the famous Christmas Place Liars Club and Dad can't wait to get going. He shuffled around all winter complaining that he couldn't walk or get into deer stands or walk out and even get a damn armload of firewood, but come turkey season... well he is running through the woods building blinds and traveling every ridge trying to listen for turkeys and is like a kid at a candy store. He is ready!

Friday, March 07, 2014

That's What I'm Talking About!

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Hogs On Strike!

We had a great time at the Hog camp 2014 but the hogs did not cooperate. Joe, one of the frozen boys from Minnesota, managed to get two to keep us from being blanked but the rumor was that the hogs were on strike because the most famous of all hog hunters did not show.
The weather (for once) was absolutely great and we had several wonderful nights around the fire talking and sharing stories about deer, hogs, girls, and all the stuff men talk about. It was relaxed and easy this year with no drama and I think it may have been the best hog camp we have had. One guy (Roundtree) drove all the way from Germany to get there. Yes, it was a hell of a trip.
Here is a picture with Joe watching my cousin Davin practicing his pig-latin so he can talk to his dates.

Monday, March 03, 2014

Hog Camp 2014

No Texans were injured in the taking of this picture.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Hog Apocalypse Starts Today


Thursday, February 27, 2014

Minnesota Hog Bulletin

This is for the Minnesota hog hunters coming to the famous Christmas Place this weekend for our Annual Hog Camp. This is a simple list of what to do while you are here and what we are hunting.


Hell NO!!!!!!

Yes this is what a hog looks like. Please forward this to any Lammeys you come across also.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Studying Tracks

As our intrepid hunters enter the woods this year at the 2014 Hog Camp, I want to remind them that there are three very important tracks to look for in the woods and they need to know to differentiate them. the first is deer tracks

The second is what we want. Hog Tracks!

The third is Paul tracks. If you see these run for your life.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Hogopotamus

It is Hog Week here at the famous Christmas Place and once again our tried and true scientific hunters are getting ready to search for the elusive man-eating Hogopotamus. This strange and rare beast is the deadliest predator on the Christmas Place and has been known to sink a boat full of fishermen with no survivors, shake off even the direct shots of Paul the Terrible, flatten ATV's and kill deer and humans with impunity. This beast must be dealt with. At an estimated 3000 lbs. by those lucky enough to survive an encounter and able to run like a deer and dive into water and disappear it is a fearsome creature that we have striven to kill every year. Lucky we have the hog man, Phillip of Texas, the most feared hog hunter in the world heading towards us as fast as he can. If he lives, I am sure it will be a great story. Here is a pic that the deceased photographer from National Geographic took just before his demise.


Friday, February 21, 2014

Art Bucko

You know, I have discovered that most of my hunting buddies have no understanding of art.  My evil brothers, Satan (Paul) and Beezlebub (Trent), could live in a room for 20 years and never hang a picture on the wall. Marks idea of art is a velvet painting of Hulk Hogan.
So a little Art Deco or in our case a little Art Bucko as this old sign was finally put on the wall in my office. It had languished in a closet for the last 15 years after we bought the famous Christmas Place, and was given to us by friends down there who got it when the State took it down 20 years ago.
Of course it points straight into Dad's office.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Valentine O'Mine

We had our annual Valentines Day dinner with Mark and Kim Stewart. Denise looked great as we cozied up to the bar to wait on our friends. Marks's son, Drew and his fiancée Amy joined us along with her parents. We drank, ate, talked, tried to embarrass Drew and had a very nice time. Hey, did you know that Sake goes straight to your head? It was nice to finally have a nice relaxed meal with friends. Did I mention that Denise looked great? She is my Valentine.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Happy Blogiversary!

I started this blog in February 2006 during another hard cold winter and have managed to keep it going for 8 years. A very long time in which I have recounted all of the absolutely TRUE stories that involve our family and friends at the famous Christmas Place. Ihope that you have enjoyed them and look forward to the weird and continuing sage of our dysfunctional hunting clan.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

The Hog Assassin

In the deepest part of Texas the Hog Assassin moves through the brush tracking his quarry. Do not fear he always gets his prey. There's not a hog out there that can outsmart Phillip Loughlin the world acclaimed Hog Assassin. He's killed more hogs than Carter has liver pills. He's killed more hogs than my brother Satan (the one from the coast) has killed trophy bucks. He's killed more hogs than you can count on both hands and your feet, and he is coming to Mississippi for the Hog Aporkalypse on February 28th. Be ready because he is coming with fire in his eyes and his trusty rifle of death.
Now if I can just tie one to a stump for him to shoot we will all be happy!


Monday, February 10, 2014

The Aporkalypse

When the Aporkalypse hit, the members of the famous Christmas Place Plantation and Survivalist Club were trapped at our camp in the Mississippi Delta. All we had Whiskey, Cigars, Rifles and Bullets and the lonely working girls of Vaiden to help us survive. IT WAS GREAT!!!!!
We are still working on the hogs and plan to have our big hog hunt starting the weekend of February 28th. Be there for The Walking Hog Dead and Aporkalypse 2014.


Monday, February 03, 2014

GroundDeer Day

Sunday was GroundDeer Day at the famous Christmas Place Plantation. That is the day that all the big bucks come out of their holes after deer season. Dad was once again up on Rattlers Knob babying the damn things and feeding them with buckets of corn.
I don't even go up there anymore. Those deer are always grinning and smirking at me! To top it off that darn Thunderhoof is always there being petted and whispering to Dad. Then Dad always makes the announcement of when Crappie Spawning season starts. Looks like 6 more weeks.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Creeper

The tracks have been found and now everyone knows that it is not safe to go into the woods at the famous Christmas Place. The giant evil creature shows up around the first of February each year and hangs around until April. During that time it ravages any crops it can find and kills and eats any animal it can creep up on. This giant hog is known in these parts as "The Creeper" with tusks almost a foot long. We still go to camp but bar the doors at night and only let Camo go out at night to guard the house. That's one mean dog! This year we are having a hog camp centered around only one thing. Kill the Creeper. Will let you know how many hunters we lose in the effort.

Monday, January 27, 2014

The Last Hograh

This past weekend was the last go round for deer season at the famous Christmas Place. The deer have all left on vacation away from the cold weather but the hogs have moved in and are doing fine. We killed no deer this weekend but a bunch of hogs hit the ground!
It started off with a wooly varmint taken by Hugh Shaw. Who? Hugh?

Then, not to be outdone, Troy Cone got busy and blasted these next two nice hogs.
a white face Grub Grabber

A fine Rhodesian Red
Here are the two friends together, for a closer look at their faces, check your local Post Office.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The 300 Pounder

Yes, he is out there- creeping, sneaking, dodging, hiding and being mostly invisible. I know that the 300 pound buck is somewhere lurking on the famous Christmas Place Plantation and I personally plan on putting a bullet in him on this coming last weekend of deer season. Will have lots of pics and describe my great hunt after I put this monster down. I am sure it will make national headlines.

Monday, January 20, 2014

The Voyage Of The Antlernauts

Soothe, that as the bleak days of an endless and hopeless deer season stretched out before me,
I set my desire to leave this troubled kingdom and travel to a land of horns and honey.

Therefore, I set sail and left the realm of Paul the Terrible and cast my lot to the unknown seas.
Through rolling seas and raging storms the tiny ship struggled, and there we faced perilous sea creatures, deer pirates, and the call of the Sirens of the Isle of Ribeyes.
Yea, the stout ship sailed uncharted seas and I lashed myself to the wheel as we even stood against the force of Typhoon Trent.
At last we finally languished in a dead sea and the doomed ship faced the mighty Kraken and I was pitched into the brink and finally cast onto the sand of a mysterious land.

There, I hunted my way to the center of a great swamp and was beset by Giant boars, ravenous wolves, And evil deer of all sizes, until I faced the Great Golden Horned Buck and slew the mighty beast.
There I cut off his great horns and fleece and became the ruler of this strange land filled with giant deer, Until the time that I returned to the forsaken kingdom of Christmasland and threw out the perpetual Rule Makers and the evil whispering Mystic and returned peace and good hunting to all.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Two-Gun Tony Gets His deer

This past week Two-Gun Tony came to visit us again and managed to get his deer up at the Crossover stand. He is a great guest and always carries two guns (just in case). I don't know either.
Here he is in a pic with the Mailrider who got a nice doe also.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Road To Rhodesia (Paramount 2014)

Paul&Rex- Road to Rhodesia
"The Road to Rhodesia and Enlightenment is littered with the bones of many a fierce red hog".( Hogology 101, M. Stewart, Author) So it is at the famous Christmas Place Thunderhoof Temple.
To become a Master in Deer hunting, one must first prove himself on the Road to Rhodesia.
This evil Red Hog was blasted in the spirit of peace by Paul Howell as he sat beneath the boughs of a gigantic white oak communing with nature and opening himself to the spirit of enlightenment by meditating with his rifle and erstwhile  waiting for a gigantic buck
to  show himself .                                                                                                                                             
The poor acolytes of the Temple (members of the club) are doing their best to blast themselves to heaven by shooting every damn hog we see. Will see you on the Road.

Monday, January 13, 2014

5 Minutes Gets 10 Points

Spencer and I rushed to camp on Friday and got there a little after 4 o'clock. By the time we got dressed, we had about an hour to hunt. We jumped on the 4-wheeler and headed to the closest stands we knew of, the Sneaky Stand and the Sand Ditch Stand. I got on the Sneaky and Spencer headed up the logging road to the Sand Ditch. He couldn't have been there 5 minutes when I heard him shoot.
He said that he had just sat down for a minute when he heard the buck coming up the creek and it was past him before he could shoot. He grunted at the deer and just like in a Paul Howell hunt, it turned and headed right to him. BLAM! The quickest hunt a man could have. Congratulations on this fine 10 point. (PS- I didn't see squat)

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Un-Neighborly Neighbors

Jake and Mark Bellipanni just bought the property next to us (yeah, that's right, from Belzoni) and dropped by to visit this past weekend. Super people and we think, great neighbors except for one small thing. Mark showed us the picture of the big 12 point he whacked over there and as you can see, it is a damn MULE!
Now I know that they did not know that as good neighbors all they should do is feed the deer, take care of them and make sure their horns are gigantic so my evil brothers (Paul and Trent) can shoot them. Paul is currently moaning over the phone about it everyday and Trent just left to go hunting and says he won't be back until spring.
Good job  Mark and congratulations on a super-duper buck!

Monday, January 06, 2014

The Postman Delivers

Mark, the old Mailrider, has come through and blasted this nice 8-point off of the North Cornfield stand. He has not been able to hunt much this season but he seems to always deliver.
"Neither rain, nor sleet , nor hail of bullets,
will keep him from his appointed blasting of a deer"

Thursday, January 02, 2014

The Demise Of Captain Hook

This 8-pt with a crazy rack came by me last week. 17 1/2 inches wide, the left antler curved down and around the deer's ear with a big hook jutting out the side. On the hook was a baby
basket. The evil deer known as Captain Hook was sneaking past me but I got him in my sights before he could slip away.  I shot the deer and checked the basket, but it was empty. No telling what evil I managed to stop by blasting  this terrible buck.