Remember the Hogs

Hog Camp is set for the last weekend in February. (the 25th) Call burney if you want a groovy T-shirt. Remember Matt and Phillip that you are invited. I would invite Jody but a wild hog might jump in her hair.

The Last Buffadeer

In the spirit of the man that shot the last free-ranging buffalo, blasted the last carrier pigeon, roasted the last Do-Do bird and scrambled it's last egg, and made a great wing shot on the very last Ivory Billed wood pecker; Paul Howell (aka Satan) made sure this past weekend to get the last deer off the Christmas Place as he shot at every deer that moved, blinked, jumped or fled before him.

Blam! A doe at Stone Flat!
Blam! A buck at Spike Camp!
Blam! Holy Crap! Bambi's mother!
A hail of gunfire rang out over the property and through the swirling haze of smoke Paul Howell strode spitting death in every direction with his 7 mag. as the season drew to a close. Ahh, Paul Howell the American Hunting Poster Boy.

Will Thunderhoof Escape (Again)?

The end of deer season is upon us and that damn stupid deer is still roaming the hills laughing at us. I have hardly seen that evil creature all winter but He did use his horns to knock down my treestand once this year (ha-ha real funny) and several times I heard him munching acorns just outside of my vision. (sounded like a gravel truck) I really need to put a bullet in his hide before deer season ends or I will have to put up with his hijinks all summer (again).

While I am fishing, he will come up and want to eat my peanut butter sandwiches, or just swim lazy circles around my boat. He will follow me around in the woods poking me with his antlers or racing my 4-wheeler every chance he gets. It is terribly disconcerting to have a deer the size of a moose staring in the window when you are trying to sleep. Then he and Camo have to race around the camp at all hours of the damn night playing tag, and Dad just babies him, gives him pecans, and milk duds, even having burping contests and Dad encourages him to harrass me and thinks it's funny.
I don't know if I can take another year of that varmint.

A Ducking Problem

My evil brother (no, Paul, the one from the coast) decided that he would go duck hunting this past weekend at the famous Christmas Place. He finally talked Dad in to going with him and before day he threw his decoys, dad and all their other junk in the Gator and took off for the lake. At the lake he threw all his junk, decoys and Dad in the boat, tied a rope to it and waded the edge for 250 yards to a spot halfway up the lake. He threw his junk and Dad on the bank, set out the decoys and then totally exhausted staggered into the brush to set up.

The wind was howling and the ducks would not cooperate. They kept landing on the big water just out of gun range and not in the little cove they were set up on. Finally, finally, a big mallard came winging in and Paul fired. The duck went down in the open water. They shot a few more times and the wind died down. Dad blew his duck call. "Quack, Quack, Quack" and down the lake came a giant bird. It was not a duck. By the time Paul said "What the hell is that?" The damn thing had swooped down, grabbed his duck, and took off! Dad said "Uhh, that WAS a bald eagle, looked hungry to me." The eagle circled the lake with the duck in his talons and headed back into the swamp. Paul threw his junk, decoys, and Dad in the boat and started trudging back up the lake. We don't need a damn duck stealing eagle taking advantage of our hunters. It looks like we have a ducking problem up at the lake.
ed. note (the exact same thing happened to me the last time I shot a big 250lb. buck and it fell in the lake.) Damn Eagles!

Tough On Does

Dean Lammey came in this past weekend and put the wollop on the does. He took these two up at the Dove Field.

Miracles Do Happen

Our cousin, Jimmy Lammey (Judge Lammey), has been hunting for deer about 100 years and never, ever manages to gets one. Miracles do happen. Here is a pic of the Judge with a nice 8-point he took at Abbeville last week. Congratulations, Cuz!

Clint Gets His

The Mailrider brought our old friend Clint down for the weekend and he got this big doe. He would have killed a big buck but he would not take my advice. (typical)

Deers For Old Dad

Paul's beautiful daughter, Hillary, just happens to have a boyfriend. So she sent John to camp to hunt with Paul. The things some people will do to try and get on his good side. John and his friend both managed to get their deer! Jeff Peeples and John Ward.

according to Hillary, John is the one with the dreamy eyes on the right

Guest Buck??

Every now and then some unwitting guest accidentally kills a big buck at the Christmas Place. Paul usually sticks his guest in some Gar Hole where he will not even see a deer but somehow one came wandering by our friend Tim Crosby. This was a great 180lb. 10 point! Congratulations!

Notice the look of utter disbelief on Paul's face.

Wheeling With A Whelan

Spencer got a .35 Whelan for Christmas

Happy Birthday Sarah !!!!

My 12 year old daughter, Sarah, swears that she is turning 18 today. Happy birthday and wishing you all the happiness in the world.

Meanwhile.........

30 miles from us on the Big Black River....

13 + 13 = SOB!

Trent took his second 13 point of the season this past weekend at the famous Christmas Place. He wandered up on the Indian Mound and blasted this 200lb. buck we had called Whitey. SOB!!!!

A Halfhearted Attempt

Camo and I are heading back to camp tonight. Camo is excited but I just don't have the fire. Of course, that could change if Granpa Rocking Chair walked out in front of me. We will see.

Austin Gets The Big Buck

Austin finally got his big buck. This wonderful 10 point was taken at the Double White Oak stand.

Blogging The Hunt

Marian and Bob came up last week and hunted with us. She got this nice doe at her favorite stand, Arrowhead.

Christmas Gifts

We made it through Christmas Day, but I wanted to let you know what I got my brothers for Christmas.
I got my evil brother (Paul) the usual, a new pitchfork. After a year, his is always bent and twisted from being held in his evil hands. He is at camp right now hunting. I am sure he has 3 or 4 deer hanging off his new pitchfork by now.

My other evil brother (Trent)got a new coin counter. His is worn out.
Pennies, nickels, dimes, whatever he can steal. Damn lawyers!

Off To See Ebenezer

Spencer and I are off to see his Uncle Ebenezer (Trent)for Christmas dinner. I wonder how much it is going to cost? I am also wondering whether we are going to have to listen to those damn ghost of his rattling chains and moaning all through dinner.
Christmas movies and eggnog later.
Merry Christmas everyone!

It's A Weird Life

I had seen enough. bills, bills, bills covering me and Bobby and his pet squirrel had lost the deposit just as the auditors got here. I was doomed.
I drove out to the Yocona Bridge screamed "Good Bye Cruel World" and jumped in. Unfortunately the water was only two feet deep. It almost killed me!

When I came up an old fisherman pulled me in his boat, he looked a lot like GuyK and asked me what was the problem. I told him how hard it was and that I wished I had never been born. He said "You got your wish" just as he pulled in an 8 lb stripe. I crawled out on the bank, got in my car and drove back to Water Valley. The changes I saw were a nightmare.
My evil brother Paul was president of the United States which was horrible in itself. He had declared war on the Christmas Place in an effort to kill Thunderhoof once and for all.
Trent was the mayor of Water Valley, uh check that, Trentville. He controlled everything and taxed every hunter per inch of rack taken.
Dad was in jail for harboring a fugitive (Thunderhoof) and raising an illegal garden. Bobby was in the old folks home with Uncle Billy. Denise had moved away and was married to Brad Pitt. SOB! Camo was a famous star in Hollywood making movies "MissionDog Impossible" and was known as Cam Cruise. Burney was the editor of some magazine called PlayDeer. I was afraid to open it.

I ran down to my broken down Real Estate office. It was a casino. Trent's Gambling House. I ran to my house. Trent's B&B. Yikes! I drove out to the lake and met my mysterious fisherman. "Change me back" I cried. He said "Sorry, the fall really did kill you, welcome to Hell! I screamed and screamed until I woke up and found myself in my chair at that broken down miserable Real Estate office. Thank God and Merry Christmas to you all!

A Fun Party

The party was a major success and no one was killed. We ate on the fine china and drank from crystal glasses (not jelly jars) and enjoyed a great night of friendship, fun, good food and conversation. Everything was relaxed and enjoyable. The house looked great and my butler dog acted very well. I thank all of you that came and hope to have another sometime in the next 40 years.

Looking For Santa

Camo is ready for Christmas! She spends a lot of time looking out the window and waiting for Santa and his reindeer. She loves Santa but hates a damn reindeer.

The Ball At Dagger Hall

Tonight is the big shindig that Denise and I have been working on for a month. I am completely broke so it should be a good one. All the Dukes and Duchesses of the Valley will be there. The Royal Dog (Camo) will be in attendance. This will be some party with glitzy furnishings, food that I can't pronounce much less eat, Hors de'vores of teeny tiny things on silver trays and enough liquor to float an army.
Intrigue? you got it. Spies, crooked lawyers and bankers, sultry women, nuclear scientists, academia, nouveau Rich billionaires, secret messages and international business deals.
There will probably be at least one murder before it is over.
Should be a hell of a party.

A Hog for Christmas

This past weekend the deer were running everywhere at the famous Christmas Place but our hunters (including me) could not get their sights on a big one to put on the hanging pole. My 85 year old father did not let this bother him as he headed to the GameWarden Stand and shot this 200lb. hog. I know I make a lot out of his age and hunting ability but how many 85 year old men do you know that are still actively hunting at all. This nasty jet black varmint came out at the end of the field and he downed it at 200 yards. Congratulations and Merry Christmas!

When Burney found out how much fun it was, he shot the damn things twin.

Satan Goes Click!

I don't know why bucks are attracted to him, what with the fire, smoke and smell of brimstone surrounding him, but they do. My evil brother (no, Paul)
likes to use his shiny new muzzle-loader and brags about how great it is.
Satan sat in his stand as bucks ran all around him. A big 10 point walked up to him (perfect) and he leveled his trusty muzzle-loader and pulled the trigger. CLICK!
Click? Oh crap! CLICK! The buck, surprised to be alive, staggered off. No amount of cursing or fiddling with the infernal gun would make it work. Later he called and asked what he should do. My advice was to take the damn thing and sling it as far out into the lake as he could and go buy a 45/70.
We will find out just how smart he is very soon.

The Moorehead Buck

fact or fiction that is a hell of a picture. Will let you know.

Burney Gets A Big buck

While I was up here shopping, doing yard work and practicing my needle-point, Burney was busy taking care of business at the famous Christmas Place. He shot this big 210 lb. 8-point at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. (SOB)
Burney has hunted extremely hard this year and it is a well deserved big buck. Now I am putting him on pig patrol. Congratulations Burney!

Nope, Not Going

Nope. I am not going to camp this weekend. I am not overly obsessed with deer hunting like my evil brothers. I have a lot of work, Christmas shopping and household chores to get out of the way. Plus I really need to take Denise out on the town.
I am tired of being around these people that just want to hunt all the time.
There are more important things in life than deer-hunting. I swear!

The Working Deer Blues

I wake up in the morning
there's been a frost in the night.
As the sun comes up I'm dreaming
about bucks moving at first daylight.


I got the blues.
I got the working deer blues


The phone is always ringing
I won't answer it at all.
I know my buddies are calling
with the news of a big Swamp hog.


I got the blues.

Oh Lord, the working deer Blues.

Can't wait for the weekend to get here

then my boss begins to call.

hang up your rifle and get here

You ain't got no deer hunting time at all


no hunting for you!
I got the blues
I got the working deer blues
Oh shoot me!
I have the working deer Blues.

Snow Bucks

Woke up this morning to see snow falling and it has continued most of the morning. There is nothing more exciting than seeing a big old buck creeping around in the snow. Unfortunately the snow is not going to stick enough to stay but it has been fun to see.
The Christmas Place is absolutely beautiful when it is covered in snow, especially when the rut is on and the bucks are moving.

Rockin Around The Christmas Place

Rocking around the Christmas tree at the Christmas party hunt
Mossy horns hung where you can see, every hunter tries to grunt
Rocking around the Christmas Place let the Christmas bullets ring
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie and we'll do some caroling

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear
Voices singing let's be jolly blast those bucks unil they’re sorry
Rocking around the Christmas Place have a happy holiday
Everyone hunting merrily in the new old-fashioned way

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear
Voices singing let's be jolly blast those bucks unil they’re sorry
Rocking around the Christmas Place have a happy holiday
Everyone hunting merrily in the new old-fashioned way