Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Calling All Banditos!

Dad walked in the office this morning. He was wearing his hunting clothes and jacket. All of his pockets were bulging with bullets and shells. He had two bandoleros of bullets across his chest, two rifles on his back and was carrying his trusty 12 gauge. He said " I think I will go down to the camp today and see what's going on." I didn't say anything. He stared at me. I stared at him. Finally I said "I guess they are harvesting the peanuts?"

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How To Drive a Rich Lawyer Crazy

When dealing with my evil brothers, I am usually at the bottom of the totem pole. I bide my time, because what comes around, goes around. I finally had my chance the other day when I casually mentioned to Paul (Beezlebub) that my buddy Mark (Mailrider) and I were trying to swap our hill land in Yalobusha county for a big piece of bottom land along the river. This got his attention and the trap was set.
One thing you need to know about rich lawyers is their weak spot. Their weak spot is DUCKS. There is something about duck hunting that gets under their skin and they will do anything for a great duck hunt.
His eyes lit up. "Are there any ducks on the property?" Satan asked.
I replied "Hell yeah, the damn things are all over it. It's filled with big sloughs and water holes right there on the main flyway to the lake." He almost had a coronary.
Of course, I have no idea if there is a duck within a hundred miles of there. I haven't even seen it.
"You know I might be interested in leasing the duck hunting on that land."
We haggled back and forth until we got a good number for the lease and then he started talking about duck hunting and shooting big deer.
I reminded him at the end that the lease was for ducks only. A new price would be needed if he wanted to shoot deer and of course I told him about all the giant rubs I had seen.
Wait 'till I go look at it and start feeding him bull about the 40 gazillion ducks I see.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Grown Girls

My little girls are all grown up, now they are big, expensive pains in the patootie, but I sure love them.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Scary Stories Soon

It is almost October and I am working on a few scary stories for Halloween.This year I have been swamped and it is hard to gather the information that I need for most of the stories. Most of the people involved are dead or to scared to talk.
I have a few ideas though.
The Bell of the Tchula Racer.
A Wild Hog Eats A Lawyer (sorry, you wanted scary, not funny)
The Cold Spot
The Indian Burial Ground
I'm working but will try to get something together soon.
PS time to start getting Xmas photos in if you want me to do another Xmas Card.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Beware The 4th Of October

Dad will be 85 on October 4th.
Still driving a tractor, still tough as a pine knot, still mean as a snake.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Call Of The Peanut

I don't understand much about pea-pickin or peanut gathering but I understand deer and hogs. The time that these two things meet is fast approaching as the 500 acres of peanuts at the famous Christmas Place are almost ready to harvest. What makes this special is that when the peanuts are picked; the first thing they do is turn them up out of the ground and let them lay about a week to dry. This should attract every varmint within 200 miles to come for a snack on our property. There ought to be a hog killin of monumental proportions then. If the farmer waits much later this could also intersect with the archery season opener and squirrel camp. Bring about 50 extra tons of ammo!
Yes, it is about to get very interesting.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Sucessful Work Camp

Lazarus-back from the dead (and now an artist)
Rex- your friendly neighborhood blogger
Paul Howell- Supervisor in absentia
Terry Cutrair- financial bookie
Hershel- the slave driving old coot
Tommy Ladner- Engineer (tractor driver in Mississippi)
Camo- Deer Hating Hell Hound
It could be worse

Friday, September 16, 2011

Off To Camp

My truck is loaded to the gunwales with wheat. Those damn deer better appreciate it. Had to load it by myself, of course. No self-respecting Evil Lawyer would dare stoop to the low of having to do physical labor.
Now all I have to do is get my things, grab Camo and off we go.
I am sure someone at camp will be glad to help me unload it. Ha-Ha, yeah, right.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Dog Words

If you own a dog, or a dog owns you, there are a few things you need to know to survive. The first one is DO NOT TEACH YOUR DOG TO TALK. Worst mistake I ever made. The second is not for your dog to figure out the meaning of diferent words. In my house you can not say the words GO, TRUCK, RIDE, CAMP or PIZZA. Last night I had to hide in the kitchen to call and order a pizza and that stupid dog figured it out and went crazy. Howling and barking at me to take her with me to get it. Whispering your order to the pizza guy is rather creepy.
If you call I will let you talk to her.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Big Work Weekend Scheduled

How come I feel like the Maytag repairman?
This coming weekend is the big camp planting weekend and as usual half the people aren't coming. Mailrider is at Vanderbilt. His son is sitting by the pool "studying". Trent will not be there as he is "politicking". Burney will be coming in late Saturday. (that's a lot of help) Haven't heard from Michael or Spencer. (girls), but Paul is coming! Of course when Paul comes to camp to work, it's like two people leaving. Camo will have to drive the tractor. Will let you know if I survive the weekend.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

Friday, September 09, 2011

Quiet Friday

Dad has left for camp to get things going and the office is quiet. When the appraiser is having an extremely slow week; you can bet the economy is taking another hit. I am forcing myself to go to the ballgame this weekend. They better shape up fast.
Good news on the deer front! Several large bucks have been seen grazing (like cows) on our peanuts. Damn varmints!
I have started a new story about a golf playing vampire. I know, but work with me.
Next weekend is the big work camp and possibly Rules Committe meeting.
PS no new rules.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Deer Season Looms

Now that football season is over.....
we can start concentrating on what is important. Deer Season!
This coming weekend is the time to start breaking fields and getting ready to plant. The ground should be soft after all the rain we have had and it should go quickly. If you have any special blend food plot mixtures you want me to test, please send them now. No, marijuana is not a winter grass.
Peanuts are coming along and should be ready for harvesting in a few weeks. First they turn them up and let them sit and dry for a week. There should be a hog killing of epic proportions when that happens. Will let you know what's shaking at the famous Christmas Place.

Friday, September 02, 2011


The Daily Mississippian has refused to run my story of the True Origin of our Famous Mascot.
If you know of another local paper that might run it, please forward it to them.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Bad Week Blues

It has been a really bad week here at Howell Realty and Appraisal. I can't tell you all of it but if I worked for the government, I would climb a water tower with my Uzi. To top it off, my brother Satan is coming to town. (No, the other one from the coast) Things should be getting better though. College football actually starts tonight when the Bulldogs just beat the hell out of Memphis. Friday night is the big Water Valley -vs- Calhoun City bloodletting and Saturday we get to enjoy the fun of the Grove with Mailrider and send those stupid BYU kitty cats back home sulking.