Tick, Tick, Tick

Paul and Michael have the whole Christmas Place to themselves for the next couple of days while Trent and I are here in Water Valley working and trying to earn a damn living. Tick, tick, tick, we are waiting on the phone to ring with some god-awful story of a giant mule that Paul has blasted. Worked all morning, tick, tick, tick. Now it is mid-afternoon, tick, tick, tick. Time keeps easing on by with no phone calls yet. I swear I am going up that lake one more time and blast the hell out of that big buck up there. The Peach Bowl is tomorrow at 11:30 AM. tick, tick, tick but I am heading South on New Years Day to start my year off right with a big buck. tick, tick, tick Don't think I could stand it if the phone rings. tick, tick, tick

Rebels To ThunderhoofDome Bowl

After many late night meetings in smoke filled rooms between the members of the Bowl Committee and The famous Christmas Place hunting Club, The Ole Miss Rebels are headed to the ThunderhoofDome Bowl. The Bowl has been renamed after many vague promises of buried treasure more vast than any Dwarf horde ever seen. Besides that the Committee was terrified every time Thunderhoof appeared in their offices. So no matter what the signs say, the Rebels are headed to TunderhoofDome.
Two teams enter, One team leaves.

Burney is Number 1

While I was up here working like a dog, the rest of the members of the famous Christmas Place were at the camp hunting, drinking, and texting me all kind of crap. Burney slipped out and hunted the stand I had wanted to hunt. DAMN! He hunted the #1 field and late in the afternoon this big buck came bursting out chasing 4 does. Right Under Him. DAMN! He wasted no time and this super nice 185lb. 8-point with an 18 inch spread was his. DAMN!

Chivalry is Dead, and So is Wanda's Buck

My evil brother, no Paul, shot this fine deer last weekend as he snatched the rifle out of his wife's hand when it walked out into an open field at the famous Christmas Place. He had taken her hunting to maybe shoot a doe when this buck walked out. Paul said "Wanda there's a big buck, hand me the rifle." She started to aim and said "I see it." Paul said "You'll miss, give me the rifle! She said "I'm going to shoot him" He grabbed for the rifle and all hell broke loose in the stand. A terrible fight started as he tried to wrestle the gun away from her, the stand was shaking, screams and curses filled the air as he finally got her to the floor and snatched the gun away. The poor deer was only 50 yards away minding it's own business and wondering what the hell all the commotion was as Paul came up with the rifle and started blasting away. Ah, Paul has this nice 190 lb. 8-point on the pole to start the 2014 season but is sleeping with one eye open as Wanda plots her revenge.

2014 DEER EVE

It is once again Deer Eve in Mississippi and outside my office I can hear the distant sounds of people sighting-in their rifles at the last minute. I am at work but my mind is far away thinking about the big buck that I know is slipping through the woods waiting on me. We are headed to camp at Noon and hope to have the camp open and everything ready to go before dark. Tonight there will be a nice fire to talk old stories around, a few drinks after a long wait, fresh crappie for dinner, and a whole lot of anticipation for daylight to come.
I wish you all well and please look for my picture in the New York Times after I slay that damn Thunderhoof. Good Luck!

It Starts- Deer Season 2014

Deer season is upon us and the first muzzle-loading season is now open. We are heading to camp tomorrow for the first weekend of the season in hopes of thinning the doe herd. It will be strange without Dad but we hope to have a good time and get a bunch of deer removed and hopefully some hogs too. Will try to keep Paul the Terrible and Trent the Grouchy under control. I'll give a report as soon as possible after the weekend.

15 Minutes A Year

I have to give credit, where credit is due. My evil brother, Paul, works 15 minutes a year at the famous Christmas Place whether he needs to or not.

Paul's Typical Work Weekend

This past weekend was the Big Work Weekend to get all the stands and fields finished before gun season rolls around. My brother, Satan, had his typical work weekend and got a big hog while the rest of us worked. To make matters worse, he left us short-handed and took his evil twin out bow hunting and Terry got this nice doe with his bow.

Squirrel Camp 2014

It was a good sized crowd that came down for Squirrel Camp and to honor my Dad. The only problem was that squirrels were few and far between. Another was that almost everyone stayed in camp Saturday afternoon to watch both Ole Miss and Miss State play football. That part ended great for everyone. I also thought it strange that everyone that went hunting said they needed to carry a shovel, I wonder why?
The squirrel and dumplings was wonderful, thank you Joe Newman.
The fish were biting for some of our guests and old Sure-Shot, Tim Crosby, got a hog!
The weather was perfect and great to sit around a fire at night.
Here are a few pics, will be adding more.

The PARTY In the Grove

(Oxford,MS) Intercepted in the Endzone!!!!!! We watched the big screen on the review and the crowd went crazy when Senquez Golson got his foot down on the interception that sealed the win for the Ole Miss Rebels. Two plays later the game was over and the victory was ours. The sold out crowd went absolutely ape-shit crazy. People screamed and shouted, they clapped and sang, they threw their shoes in the air, I saw grown women and men crying, there was drinking and partying in the stands and hugs and Hotty-Toddy's to everyone around us. On the field a human sea of people rushed back and forth hugging and screaming, back-slapping and thanking the players and coaches. The goalpost came down and I don't know how many babies were conceived right there on the turf. It was the wildest thing I have ever seen or been part of, and the party hadn't even started.
We staggered back to the Grove and the party was rocking! Whiskey flowed like a river, Music pounded everywhere, continuous toasts were given and the cry "I Was There" was screamed by thousands.
Music played, People danced, I must have heard the Hotty-Toddy cheer 10,000 times, people got drunk, I got drunk, we all got drunk, we all lost our voices, women ripped off their brassieres and threw them into the crowds, 10,000,000 pictures were taken, the phone system crashed, and people hugged and cried and kissed and shook hands and laughed and sang and smiled and drank into the wee hours. I swear in my drunken stupor I saw Thunderhoof trot past with two naked women on his back that vaguely looked like Denise and Wanda, and I swear I saw a naked guy wearing a red sombrero chasing cheerleaders through the grove. Jose Valdez ????
It was the Greatest Game and the Greatest Party in Ole Miss History.

Dad, The Grove, and Beating Alabama

By the time Denise and I got to the Grove Saturday, Paul and 50,000 of my closest friends were already raising hell. It was standing room only and you could tell something special was in the air. I received a toddy for breakfast found my brother James and just watched the sea of humanity boil in front of me. Paul was in winning form and proceeded to tell anyone that would listen that we were about the kick the crap out of BAMA. My cousin Kent made his was through the crowd and shook hands and we talked about how wild it was and then Paul said "You know, today is Dad's birthday, and I talked to him last night and he and I are gonna take care of Alabama today." Kent said "Really, today's Uncle Hershey's Birthday? Paul  said "yea" He said "Let's drink a toast to him, and we 4 each had a shot of straight Ezra Brooks when Kent said "to Hershel!" Needless to say Dad took care of the rest with a little help from us, and the Ole Miss Rebels. 23-17 Rebs Win.

Hell Hath Frozen

My evil brother Paul ... amazing

Pecans and Honey

My brother James in now THE supplier for all your Christmas Gifts of Honey and Pecans. Stock up soon.

Erin's Fish

Scenes From The Treasure Hunt

Treasure Dogs

My two dogs, Camo and Jackson, have been in training for several months as Treasure Dogs for the big Treasure Hunt at the famous Christmas Place. The can now smell a dime at 50 paces and my tightwad brothers have to hold onto their wallets every time they walk by them. They are the only official trained Treasure Dogs in Mississippi. I'm thinking about leasing them out.  Lo and behold, I was told they would not be able to hunt for the treasure by my evil brothers because they did not want to split the loot with all the grandkids and two dogs. Hmmm.... The odds are we are going to dig it up and an IOU will be in there from Paul.

Indiana Howell

Got my bullwhip, got my fedora hat, got my knife, pistol, and secret map. Am ready to lead the Howell Team to the location of the buried treasure at the famous Christmas Place. Everyone is getting fired up and there has been a run on shovels in the area. Will be live-blogging the event between drinks starting Saturday at noon and will update Facebook as the search continues.

Treasure Poachers

Paul Jones called on his cell phone from the famous Christmas Place. "What the hell is going on up there?" he yelled. I couldn't hardly hear him due to the loud gunshots and machine gun fire. He said "I've got the road blocked into the camp but there are hundreds of trucks arriving and they all have shovels, metal detectors and guns. I'm trying to hold them off, send reinforcements!" Ah-Hah! Treasure poachers trying to steal Dad's hidden gold. He told me a lot of them were wearing a black armband and I knew my evil brother Paul's henchmen were there while he was innocently heading to see the REBELS play in Hotlanta. I told him to hold on at all cost, help was on the way. Luckily my Solitaire game was still up on the computer after I hung up.

What's In The Treasure Chest?

Many people have called wanting to know what I think is in the Treasure Chest buried at the famous Christmas Place. Diamonds and Emeralds from Africa, Jewel encrusted goblets and weapons from the Mayan kingdom, Gold Doubloons from the Spanish Main. Uhhh, yeah! All I know is that in Dad's book "Jeff's God" he got away with the Yankee payroll of gold. hmmmm... could be Hershel Howell really received that hidden gold from his great grandfather, also known as Jeff, and has kept most of it hidden all these years. How else could he have even bought the Christmas Place?
We will know Saturday.

Treasure Map- Signed, Sealed, Delivered

"There is a buried Treasure on the Christmas Place. It's left there for the Grandchildren to find."
 Do Not Open This Letter until After My Death
Hershel B. Howell
2-28-2005

A Real Treasure Hunt

After my father died (or left for an extended stay at Paradise Hills Golf Club), we found a strange envelope in his lockbox here in Water Valley. The writing on it says it is a Treasure Map for all the Grandkids. For months we have been planning on the Treasure Hunt and it has finally arrived. It is set for this coming Labor Day weekend at the famous Christmas Place
We have not opened the envelope mainly because my evil brother (no, Paul) might be out there digging for it day and night. He said he would leave an IOU in the chest. So everyone is slated to arrive and we will open the letter Saturday morning. Needless to say everyone is excited and ready to start digging.
We have talked it over and here are a few things most of the kids will need to find the hidden Treasure.
map, compass, shovel, 100 ft of rope, snake boots, machete, insect repellent, flashlight, chainsaw, spelunker gear, a case of dynamite, aqualung, flares, tent (just in case), GPS, bulldozer, calculus book, night vision goggles, a canary, MRE's, divining rods, pocket watch, come-along, outboard motor, generator and jack hammers, everyone should carry a hog rifle and plenty of bullets, a copy of dad's book, JEFF'S GOD. Also rain gear and matches maybe a flamethrower, magnifying glass, metal detector, backhoe, level, survey instrument, jungle hat, walkie-talkie and a whistle.
I will add the important stuff later. Happy Hunting!

Deerses On Ice

After 20 years of griping and complaining to Dad, I managed to locate a walk- in cooler that we bought and took to the famous Christmas Place. This past weekend Paul Jones and his brother put it together, Joe Newman came down and hooked up the wiring, Trent supervised and I got there just in time to take a picture. It all worked out great (for me) Here is a pic of Trent and Paul Jones admiring their handiwork.

Watermelon Carnival 2014

the weather was perfect, the people were everywhere and I think that the entire town had a good time.
Here is a pic of part of the group we had at my office Friday night. Any resemblance to humans is entirely coincidental and unbelievable.

The twins Paul the terrible and Keith Hart, back row Steve Hill, Joe Black, Sam Goodwin, the young boy is Sam's grandson I think.

I would show a pic of Trent but I think it would be unwise. Lots of music from a really good band Friday night, perfect weather when I gave out my Watermelon Chap Stick to all the ladies Saturday morning. (I have a few left if you come by). Later Sat afternoon we headed to the golf course, of course.

Saturday morning, this 3rd place melon was 125 pounds, and we did keep James from stealing it,
and making a beehive out of it.

Mark and Denise Get A Hog

This past weekend we all went to camp to cut grass and get a handle on what needs to be done (EVERYTHING). Me, Trent, Denise, Mark and of course Camo and Jackson.
It does not matter that Trent Shot the hog, hell he isn't even in the picture. This is Denise and Marks Hog.

The Howell Open 2014

This July 4th weekend the Howell Open continued as usual even though Dad was not there. We had 16 players that divided into 4 foursomes in a wild scramble. The teams were divided into A,B,C, and D players but somehow I got 2 F's and a D. Trent, Jim Bullion and Paul "Richochet" Howell and we had to play the team of Bebo "Scat Money" Howell and his sandbaggers. Next was Patsy "Long Drive" Edwards and her team of professionals, and Larry "Ice Cream Man" Trent and a whole host of low handicappers from Water Valley. In the early going it looked impossible for our team. I finally made a birdie on 9, then Trent rolled one in on the next hole, then an eagle from my great effort with Jim making a wicked putt and we were on fire. Needless to say we beat the crap out of those other whiny chumps and took the trophy and the $10,000 first place check.

Here is a photo of all our friends and family that participated . Thank you Everyone!

Season Limits?

What are the season limits on these damn things?

The Speckled Coral Rattler

This past weekend at the Christmas Place was a complete disaster except for the heroism exhibited by our fine and loyal camp mascot, Camo.
When the horrible Coral Rattler attacked, my brave dog sprang into action defending the women and children, weaving and bobbing like a mongoose as it closed on the deadly serpent, until Camo darted in like a lightning bolt and grabbed the 8 foot long snake in her jaws, shook it and flung the creature away. Of course everyone cheered and gave her treats for the rest of the day as they should have.
Of course some jealous and disgruntled hunter complained that the snake slid across her foot before she saw it, and they had never heard of a Coral Rattler. Blasphemy!
My hero dog only growled and walked away.

The Beatnik Graduates

Congratulations Austin Howell

Hog Patrol Still Working

The hog patrol consisting of Trent Howell and uhhhhh.... Trent Howell is still diligently patrolling the famous Christmas Place to defend us against a major hog attack.

Off To Golf Camp

Am taking Dad's truck and golf clubs to the famous Christmas Place Golf Club this weekend. Wish I could take his swing and ability too. The object is to play golf all day and drink beer and eat crawfish at Ribeye's Saturday night.  Should be fun.

Moving On Up

With Dad gone, I have managed to start the move out of the slums of the Bunkroom up into the high-cotton district at the famous Christmas Place. Yes, I have managed to take over his room and Denise and I went down this weekend to clean it put and start moving stuff in. Camo will have her own bed! No more nasty Grunge Pit for me! Yes, Yes, I'm moving on up, to the East side........

Getting Back

The Kingdom is in turmoil but I am hoping to getting back to a semblance of blogging soon.

An Easter Without

This past weekend we headed for camp and the Easter Weekend. The weather was perfect and the woods were beautiful. Paul and Michael turkey hunted with no luck, but they did hear plenty. Spencer, Austin and I started working around the camp and Trent showed up also.
Denise, Wanda and Hillary helped with everything from cooking, to cleaning, to making sure we did not get too down.
Everyone pitched in to make the camp look as nice as possible, felt like we needed to do that for Dad.
Paul Jones came by and we had a great visit, then the boys headed for the golf course to battle it out.
That night we cooked steaks on the grill and had a really good meal and sat around the fire telling old stories and sharing a drink.
Sunday, no turkeys again, but the hogs are back in full force.  Church was at Eden at 10. We worked that morning on the yard, then had a big lunch and headed back to the Valley.
It felt good to be there and maybe Dad is hanging out there too.

Hershel Howell Leaves For Camp

Monday my Dad left this world or maybe left Water Valley to permanently stay at the Christmas Place, which was his idea of heaven. He was 87, and to us still young and vibrant. Everyone here is devastated but know that he went out with his boots on, as they say. The pain is great right now but I will find some humor and tell more stories as time goes by. I will always miss him and carry him in my heart. Hershel Howell was a man, a man that lived life to the fullest and just like he wanted, a true force of Nature.

Fish, Feathers, or Treasure?

According to our resident turkey hunting professional (ie Dad), there is not a damn turkey on the whole Christmas Place. They are gone. So basically, Dad sits in the woods catching a few zzzz's in the morning then gets ready to go fishing with Paul Jones. Sounds absolutely terrible, right?
The crappie are about to start biting and the whole property is coming alive with the beautiful weather. Since the turkeys won't cooperate, the hogs have left and gone into the darkest part of the bottoms, and the fish are not quite ready, I guess it is time to bring out the Metal Detector and once again search for the lost Christmas Place Treasure.

The Turkey Sidestep

"Dad, where are you going to hunt this weekend?"
"I heard a rumor that you heard a big gobbler down by the pond stand"
"Dad, Dad?. Where the hell did he go?"

Satan Wins Major Award

Please try not to faint.Yes it is true that our old friend and hunting companion, Satan himself, has won a major award. Yes, a Major Award! Paul Howell, that pure-hearted, good-natured, loving, caring, friend to all people, and known philanthropist has been named Boss Of The Year by the Gulf Coast Association of Legal Support Professionals. (I don't know either but I think everyone else was on Spring Break.)

YES.. it is a major award. No.. I do not know what they were drinking, but everyone knows that Satan is busy, busy, busy all the time, and it is great when his peers recognize such a selfless work ethic.

Congratulations to our well known hunting pal and humanitarian, Satan.  Keep up the good work!

The Clock Gobbles

Today, all the turkey hunters will be heading to the famous Christmas Place for the opening of turkey season. Dad has already been there two days so I am sure he knows where every turkey on the place is roosting. I am sure there will be some interesting reports coming in on who got what and how somebody got outwitted by Mr. Longbeard.
Stay tuned.

The Miracle of Turkeys

Turkey season is about to start at the famous Christmas Place Liars Club and Dad can't wait to get going. He shuffled around all winter complaining that he couldn't walk or get into deer stands or walk out and even get a damn armload of firewood, but come turkey season... well he is running through the woods building blinds and traveling every ridge trying to listen for turkeys and is like a kid at a candy store. He is ready!

That's What I'm Talking About!

Hogs On Strike!

We had a great time at the Hog camp 2014 but the hogs did not cooperate. Joe, one of the frozen boys from Minnesota, managed to get two to keep us from being blanked but the rumor was that the hogs were on strike because the most famous of all hog hunters did not show.
The weather (for once) was absolutely great and we had several wonderful nights around the fire talking and sharing stories about deer, hogs, girls, and all the stuff men talk about. It was relaxed and easy this year with no drama and I think it may have been the best hog camp we have had. One guy (Roundtree) drove all the way from Germany to get there. Yes, it was a hell of a trip.
Here is a picture with Joe watching my cousin Davin practicing his pig-latin so he can talk to his dates.

Hog Camp 2014

No Texans were injured in the taking of this picture.

Hog Apocalypse Starts Today

Minnesota Hog Bulletin

This is for the Minnesota hog hunters coming to the famous Christmas Place this weekend for our Annual Hog Camp. This is a simple list of what to do while you are here and what we are hunting.
 
 
 
 

 NO

No

 

Hell NO!!!!!!

 

 

 



Yes this is what a hog looks like. Please forward this to any Lammeys you come across also.