The Turkey Sidestep

"Dad, where are you going to hunt this weekend?"
"I heard a rumor that you heard a big gobbler down by the pond stand"
"Dad, Dad?. Where the hell did he go?"

Satan Wins Major Award

Please try not to faint.Yes it is true that our old friend and hunting companion, Satan himself, has won a major award. Yes, a Major Award! Paul Howell, that pure-hearted, good-natured, loving, caring, friend to all people, and known philanthropist has been named Boss Of The Year by the Gulf Coast Association of Legal Support Professionals. (I don't know either but I think everyone else was on Spring Break.)

YES.. it is a major award. No.. I do not know what they were drinking, but everyone knows that Satan is busy, busy, busy all the time, and it is great when his peers recognize such a selfless work ethic.

Congratulations to our well known hunting pal and humanitarian, Satan.  Keep up the good work!

The Clock Gobbles

Today, all the turkey hunters will be heading to the famous Christmas Place for the opening of turkey season. Dad has already been there two days so I am sure he knows where every turkey on the place is roosting. I am sure there will be some interesting reports coming in on who got what and how somebody got outwitted by Mr. Longbeard.
Stay tuned.

The Miracle of Turkeys

Turkey season is about to start at the famous Christmas Place Liars Club and Dad can't wait to get going. He shuffled around all winter complaining that he couldn't walk or get into deer stands or walk out and even get a damn armload of firewood, but come turkey season... well he is running through the woods building blinds and traveling every ridge trying to listen for turkeys and is like a kid at a candy store. He is ready!

That's What I'm Talking About!

Hogs On Strike!

We had a great time at the Hog camp 2014 but the hogs did not cooperate. Joe, one of the frozen boys from Minnesota, managed to get two to keep us from being blanked but the rumor was that the hogs were on strike because the most famous of all hog hunters did not show.
The weather (for once) was absolutely great and we had several wonderful nights around the fire talking and sharing stories about deer, hogs, girls, and all the stuff men talk about. It was relaxed and easy this year with no drama and I think it may have been the best hog camp we have had. One guy (Roundtree) drove all the way from Germany to get there. Yes, it was a hell of a trip.
Here is a picture with Joe watching my cousin Davin practicing his pig-latin so he can talk to his dates.

Hog Camp 2014

No Texans were injured in the taking of this picture.

Hog Apocalypse Starts Today

Minnesota Hog Bulletin

This is for the Minnesota hog hunters coming to the famous Christmas Place this weekend for our Annual Hog Camp. This is a simple list of what to do while you are here and what we are hunting.
 
 
 
 

 NO

No

 

Hell NO!!!!!!

 

 

 



Yes this is what a hog looks like. Please forward this to any Lammeys you come across also.



Studying Tracks

As our intrepid hunters enter the woods this year at the 2014 Hog Camp, I want to remind them that there are three very important tracks to look for in the woods and they need to know to differentiate them. the first is deer tracks

The second is what we want. Hog Tracks!







The third is Paul tracks. If you see these run for your life.

The Hogopotamus

It is Hog Week here at the famous Christmas Place and once again our tried and true scientific hunters are getting ready to search for the elusive man-eating Hogopotamus. This strange and rare beast is the deadliest predator on the Christmas Place and has been known to sink a boat full of fishermen with no survivors, shake off even the direct shots of Paul the Terrible, flatten ATV's and kill deer and humans with impunity. This beast must be dealt with. At an estimated 3000 lbs. by those lucky enough to survive an encounter and able to run like a deer and dive into water and disappear it is a fearsome creature that we have striven to kill every year. Lucky we have the hog man, Phillip of Texas, the most feared hog hunter in the world heading towards us as fast as he can. If he lives, I am sure it will be a great story. Here is a pic that the deceased photographer from National Geographic took just before his demise.

Art Bucko

You know, I have discovered that most of my hunting buddies have no understanding of art.  My evil brothers, Satan (Paul) and Beezlebub (Trent), could live in a room for 20 years and never hang a picture on the wall. Marks idea of art is a velvet painting of Hulk Hogan.
So a little Art Deco or in our case a little Art Bucko as this old sign was finally put on the wall in my office. It had languished in a closet for the last 15 years after we bought the famous Christmas Place, and was given to us by friends down there who got it when the State took it down 20 years ago.
Of course it points straight into Dad's office.

Valentine O'Mine

We had our annual Valentines Day dinner with Mark and Kim Stewart. Denise looked great as we cozied up to the bar to wait on our friends. Marks's son, Drew and his fiancée Amy joined us along with her parents. We drank, ate, talked, tried to embarrass Drew and had a very nice time. Hey, did you know that Sake goes straight to your head? It was nice to finally have a nice relaxed meal with friends. Did I mention that Denise looked great? She is my Valentine.

Happy Blogiversary!

I started this blog in February 2006 during another hard cold winter and have managed to keep it going for 8 years. A very long time in which I have recounted all of the absolutely TRUE stories that involve our family and friends at the famous Christmas Place. Ihope that you have enjoyed them and look forward to the weird and continuing sage of our dysfunctional hunting clan.

The Hog Assassin

In the deepest part of Texas the Hog Assassin moves through the brush tracking his quarry. Do not fear he always gets his prey. There's not a hog out there that can outsmart Phillip Loughlin the world acclaimed Hog Assassin. He's killed more hogs than Carter has liver pills. He's killed more hogs than my brother Satan (the one from the coast) has killed trophy bucks. He's killed more hogs than you can count on both hands and your feet, and he is coming to Mississippi for the Hog Aporkalypse on February 28th. Be ready because he is coming with fire in his eyes and his trusty rifle of death.
Now if I can just tie one to a stump for him to shoot we will all be happy!

The Aporkalypse

When the Aporkalypse hit, the members of the famous Christmas Place Plantation and Survivalist Club were trapped at our camp in the Mississippi Delta. All we had Whiskey, Cigars, Rifles and Bullets and the lonely working girls of Vaiden to help us survive. IT WAS GREAT!!!!!
We are still working on the hogs and plan to have our big hog hunt starting the weekend of February 28th. Be there for The Walking Hog Dead and Aporkalypse 2014.

GroundDeer Day

Sunday was GroundDeer Day at the famous Christmas Place Plantation. That is the day that all the big bucks come out of their holes after deer season. Dad was once again up on Rattlers Knob babying the damn things and feeding them with buckets of corn.
I don't even go up there anymore. Those deer are always grinning and smirking at me! To top it off that darn Thunderhoof is always there being petted and whispering to Dad. Then Dad always makes the announcement of when Crappie Spawning season starts. Looks like 6 more weeks.

The Creeper

The tracks have been found and now everyone knows that it is not safe to go into the woods at the famous Christmas Place. The giant evil creature shows up around the first of February each year and hangs around until April. During that time it ravages any crops it can find and kills and eats any animal it can creep up on. This giant hog is known in these parts as "The Creeper" with tusks almost a foot long. We still go to camp but bar the doors at night and only let Camo go out at night to guard the house. That's one mean dog! This year we are having a hog camp centered around only one thing. Kill the Creeper. Will let you know how many hunters we lose in the effort.

The Last Hograh

This past weekend was the last go round for deer season at the famous Christmas Place. The deer have all left on vacation away from the cold weather but the hogs have moved in and are doing fine. We killed no deer this weekend but a bunch of hogs hit the ground!
It started off with a wooly varmint taken by Hugh Shaw. Who? Hugh?

Then, not to be outdone, Troy Cone got busy and blasted these next two nice hogs.

 

 

a white face Grub Grabber

A fine Rhodesian Red

Here are the two friends together, for a closer look at their faces, check your local Post Office.

The 300 Pounder

Yes, he is out there- creeping, sneaking, dodging, hiding and being mostly invisible. I know that the 300 pound buck is somewhere lurking on the famous Christmas Place Plantation and I personally plan on putting a bullet in him on this coming last weekend of deer season. Will have lots of pics and describe my great hunt after I put this monster down. I am sure it will make national headlines.