Cutting Grass With Camo

After a month of hiring people to cut my grass that never showed up, I went out and bought a lawnmower. It is an unbelievable machine. It slices, it dices, it can tree a squirrel and mulch your underwear. The only thing it will not do is cut the grass without me pushing it. I filled it with gas, called Camo and pulled the crank. Camo was a big help but she sure as hell wasn't going to push the mower and the idea of me tying the mower to her so she could pull it went over like a lead balloon. Her help was kind of like my Dad's, a whole lot of supervision and advice. I quickly learned that one bark meant "you missed a spot" and 2 barks meant "You are an idiot" While I cut the grass that damn fool dog spent the afternoon barking at me like it had rabies. Anyway, the grass is finally cut, my poor tired evil dog is resting, and it may be another month before I cut it again.

The Blackberry Race

Two weeks if we can hold out. That is when the blackberries and wild plums on the famous Christmas Place will be ready. That's the good part. The bad part is that we may have to fight every deer, coon, possum and wild hog on the place to gather them, and that does not even include that no-good giant buck , Thunderhoof.  He is like a giant vacuum cleaner going through the woods sucking up blackberries when they are ripe.
Get your buckets ready cause this year the woods are full!

The Catacombs Of Water Valley

Growing up, the legend was that bodies were buried on the grounds of the old hospital and I would never have believed it, if my brother Paul had not bought the big old house at 110 Panola Street in Water Valley this past year. The old house is beautiful and was originally the first hospital in Water Valley before being renovated into a private home. Even renovated, the old house had a few problems and they have led to a hair raising and intriguing mystery.

The phone call came the morning Paul was trying to find the cutoff valve for the gas into the fireplace at his house and he asked me to come help him. It wasn’t long until we found ourselves in the narrow space that led down into the cellar. With our flashlights we looked around the dusty walls and Paul noticed a new crack in the old brick walls. He said “Damn, I just bought this house and it’s falling apart “ and gave a push on the wall. The bricks seemed to cave in on themselves and when the dust cleared, we were looking into what seemed a narrow tunnel. Excitedly, we tried to see inside, but there was too much dust and ancient spider webs. I found a broom and started opening up the space and we soon realized it was not a secret tunnel but a crypt. The catacombs ran back about 60 feet deep ending in a “T”, but each side had niches in the walls filled with human bones. Dust covered skulls grinned at us and in many places shed snakeskins wound through the rib cages though we saw no snakes. It felt like no one had stepped into the catacombs for a hundred years. Shining our lights and being very careful not to touch anything we played our lights over the piles of bones and moved deeper into the crypt. At the “T” we went right and it ended in a brick wall. We reversed ourselves back to the left and after a short distance found ourselves in a small chamber looking at an old oak table on which sat a dust covered green mason jar. Paul carefully picked it up and we could see the bubbles in the glass as he wiped away the dust. Inside was a rolled up piece of parchment and a large brass key.

Paul worked the wiring to remove the glass top and pulled out the paper first. Very carefully we held it and in faded ink was a brief note stating that 47 men were buried in the vault. They had been the last picket of men from the Union army that had retreated from Water Valley after the battle along the railroad at Coffeeville. Left alone after the retreat, the men had fallen upon the people of the town like beasts.  It stated that the cruelty, looting and assault upon the women of the town had called for retribution and the menfolk had met in secret to plot revenge and not one of the despicable soldiers escaped. The townspeople had killed them, not the Confederate Army and the bodies had been hidden in case the Yankees returned.A plea at the end stated that if the men who hid the bodies were unable to return that the finder should take the key and return the Courthouse deeds and records along with the contents of the safe deposit boxes from the Citizens Bank after the War. Paul and I looked at each other and he turned the jar sideways and let the brass key fall into his hand.  It looked like an old railroad key for opening locks with stamping that said VJ-238.

We took the note, key and mason jar, and then covered the hole in Paul’s  cellar.  Right now we have to think about what to do and if the things mentioned in the note can be found. Will let you know.

Paul McCartney Visits Thunderhoof

Denise and I were invited to the Paul McCartney concert as he and Thunderhoof are old friends. The Beatles used to visit the Christmas Place at least once a year and stayed there to visit when they did their Memphis concert. Elvis was another frequent visitor. Scratched in the wall by my bed is a heart with an arrow through it and inside it says Elvis 1960. The corner beds are named John, Paul, George and Ringo.
McCartney played for almost three hours and it was the best concert I have ever been to. He played hit after hit and really made the crowd feel part of it. He is a superb showman.
The only problem was that that stupid deer's antlers were in front of me all night. Next time he has to sit behind us. We left at almost midnight but Thunderhoof was going over to see Jerry Lee Lewis and we headed home. A great night and a lot of fun on Beale Street.

Look Out Rebels!

Two more of our illustrious gentlemen are graduating from high school and plan to disrupt the fabric of the University of Mississippi. This could be trouble for everyone. Spencer on the right is my son (Heaven help him) and Michael is the only son of the great Satan, Paul (I don't think there is any help for him).These two are planning to take Ole Miss by storm. Congratulations and Good Luck to both of them. PS (Word of Warning-Do not mention Paul or my name to your professors.)

Graduations Gone Wild

This month everyone is graduating. Our first genius is Drew Stewart, graduating from Ole Miss and they are very happy to be rid of him. They gave him an Accounting degree and rushed him through
the line. He has taken a job in Memphis and surprisingly it is not on the back of a garbage truck. As his father the MailRider says "Welcome to the Party, Pal"

Our second Ole Miss graduate is none other than Haley Howell, you know, the Great Satan's Daughter. She is supposedly retiring from college with a degree in Event Planning and has partied very hard through her years at school to know how to do this. She is headed to Nashville to work  and we hope that it all turns out great for her. Once again "Welcome to the Real World"

Rain, Rain, Rain

Ahh, if you guessed, it rained almost all weekend. The Crappie Festival seemed to make it through but the rain reappeared soon after. Cooler weather and nothing to do, kept me. Denise, and Camo housebound most of the time. During the small break in the weather, we did manage to go over to Batesville and check out this wonderful Victorian home.

The rain followed us back to Water Valley.

Crappie On My Mind

This weekend is the big Crappie Festival. Nothing like coming
 to Water Valley for a few days and pulling in those 10-12
 pound crappie from Enid Lake.

Walls Are For Ghosts

The home that my evil brother Paul bought is encircled by a brick wall about 4 to 5 feet high. It is old and falling apart and has needed some work for some time. It is also causing a problem for the whole town of Water Valley as the people that understand a little bit about the supernatural know that walls around cemeteries or places where people have been buried are there not to keep people out but to keep the ghosts in. Most of the time they can not cross the boundaries unless a gate is open or the walls fall down, and everyone knows that more people are buried in Paul's yard from the time it was a hospital than anywhere in the country.(we forgot to tell him that part) The wall around the old home is falling apart and the houses along Panola St are having all kinds of problems with spooks roaming through peoples bedrooms in the middle of the night and raising all kinds of hell. A petition was signed by the mayor and a letter was sent to Paul to fix the wall or else. This is a pic of the wall being repaired.

Hide Your Pets!

Hide your pets, stay indoors, make no noise as Trent takes the Tennessee contingent of Jim and Jack to the camp this week to hunt hogs. There is some debate as it is questioned if they have ever even seen a hog, much less if they could kill one. And what would happen if they drew into close quarters with a pissed off wild hog, someone could get shot and it would probably not be the hog. So stay indoors this weekend and lay low. hopefully this too shall pass.

Water Valley Artsy Area Home For Sale

This 1700 sf home located in the thriving so-called "artsy" area of Water Valley is for sale by your friendly neighborhod blogger (ME)  High ceilings, hardwood floors, very cute $58,000 call me 662-473-2499

How To Make a Pork Sandwich

Tim Crosby says "Start with one hog add 2 slices of bread."
These Alabama people always have to start big.

Notice the hunting attire



Texas, Schmexas

they've got nothing on the crawfish Burney brought to the camp last weekend. Here he is measuring it against his phone.

A Rainy Masters

Thank God! My invitation has been lost in the mail again this year and I am still looking for it. It would also help if I could find my damn golf clubs. Where is that worthless dog?

Riding Bulls With Camo

Camo, Denise and I went to the Rodeo in Coffeeville this past weekend. We couldn't stay long, Camo hates a damn bull. This was basically a bullriding competition and I was trying to bet on who got killed first but there were no betting booths. Needless to say there was much mayhem, and stomping and riders getting thrown pell-mell all over the place which fired up the crowd. Several guys made it for 8 seconds and several guys got thrown so far they did not come down for 8 seconds. It was a fun event and over 500 hundred people crammed the little multi-purpose building to watch.
My evil brother, no Trent, used his evil lawyer ways to blackmail me into buying a banner for the event and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. Camo gave it 2 paws up! Here I am getting some use out of Dad and Trent!

Deer Camp Apocalypse

You think the famous Christmas Place has problems with wild, hogs, bad deerses, awful slinking creatures in the night, wild bigfeet terrorizing everyone and alien spaceships zooming around night and day beaming people all over the place. Well, when the Zombie War starts, that will be nothing. Get ready for WORLD WAR Z.

Dad Lowers The Boom!

Dad has been after the turkeys and after last weekend when a whole passel got away, he determined to get one or not come back. At daylight this morning he was on the edge of the Levee Field when the whole woods started shaking from the gobblers cutting loose on the top of the ridge behind him. Dad has reached the stage where he can't hear thunder, so if he heard them gobble, they may have been sitting on the other end of the log with him. He perked a few times to get their attention. Anyway, a hen flew into the field and then 4 more worked down to him. The gobblers shut up and the hens wandered off. It grew quiet, Dad panicked1 What to do? What to do? He pulled the gobbler call out and hit it. Yabba-Yabba-Yabba! The gobblers cut loose too! They were right behind him! holy crap! Two were right behind him as he tried to turn and get his gun up. He froze, they froze. Mistake. BOOM! The biggest gobbler rolled and Dad tried to get up from the log. His legs wouldn't work. They started going different directions. The turkey flopped off into the woods! Holy Crap! Dad thought he was going to have to crawl after the damn turkey or shoot himself if it got away. Finally, using the shotgun as a crutch and shaking some feeling into his old legs he staggered off into the brush and found his big gobbler. 22 pounds, 9 1/2 inch beard. Can't wait for the pictures. Congratulations Dad!

No Action Here

Dad let a whole damn flock of turkeys slip away from him this past weekend and Paul (Bloody Hands) Howell could not close the deal on a big turkey out from Water Valley. So it was a bad weekend all around. Trent did get a hog at the camp, so we are still working on them. Mark cancelled his trip down because of the nasty weather and I sat home in front of a fire and watched the Rebels lose their NCAA game. The weather has been cold and windy and nasty and just awful. Golf still seems distant and it is very slow around here. Denise has gone to California to visit her people, so it is just me and Camo. Hopefully the weather will change, spring will get going and things will start picking up.

Rebs Steal the Cheese!

Rebs win over Wisconsin, down to 32. go Rebs!

Rebels To Kansas City

After defeating Florida and winning the SEC Championship, the Ole Miss Rebels are heading to Kansas City to play in the NCAA Tournament. Their opponent will be those tough Badgers from Wisconsin. Good Luck and tune in to watch the exciting Marshall Henderson and the rest of the team try to advance in the tournament. It's a really good year to be a Rebel!