The Potato Boy Plot

Trent hates a damn hog. Hates 'em. In fact he doesn't even play golf anymore, he just hunts hogs. The temperature is 105 degrees in the shade and he is out there hunting hogs. It is some kind of sickness. He recently purchased a whole truckload of sweet potatoes to feed the horrible things. I asked "Why would you want to make those hogs fatter?" He said "When they run, you don't have to lead them as much when you pull the trigger."

Here is Potato Boy with his new purchase.

Deer Camp Blog 3-D

I am toying with the idea of making my blog completely 3-D. If you look at the attached picture and see a crazed right wing baby-deer eating naked zombie lunatic, you are only half right.
To see the world in 3-D you have to be drunk and  have giant coke bottle glasses and a piece of hard rock candy to look through or better yet you can wander over to the KeesKennis Blog and see the world through the eyes of it's strange and bizarre blogger. Caution! Must be drunk first!
Remember to close one eye while looking at the picture now and get ready for Deer Camp Blog 3-D!

Abe's Autobiography

Denise and I went to see the historical movie of the life of Abraham Lincoln. This true account is a roller coaster of action, scares and fun. Think Indiana Jones -vs- the Vampires. I personally think it is the best movie of the year. Remember, never trust a damn Vampire!

Working For The Man

Things are heating up at Howell Realty and Appraisal, in fact I have to work this weekend and it is starting to get old. Nobody at the office works weekends, hell they don't even work on Fridays. I am tired of carrying the brunt of everything. I am tired of working all the time, I am tired of working for the MAN. Wait a minute, I am the Man. Damn!

Princesses on Patrol

Erin and Destiny

Sore Monday

Denise and I took Erin and her friend Destiny to Sardis Lake to meet Mark and Kim for a fun filled day in the sun. Like an idiot I tried to ski. Not a good idea. We had a great time and then for Father's Day I met Paul and Michael at the University Golf Course to play golf at 8AM the next morning. I think I hit the ball around 1000 times in a display of golf that you will never want to see repeated.
I dragged myself home and watched the US Open, Denise made her world famous Lasagna and off to bed.
Today my whole body is aching and sore. It was a fun Fathers's Day weekend.

Peanuts

A bag of peanuts is required equipment to carry with you any time you are on the property at the famous Christmas Place. In 1847 the last two wild Mammoths were captured and released on the property and they have flourished. It is kind of unnerving to be slipping through the woods and hear the trumpeting of one of these varmints and hear it coming at you on a dead run, then whopping you on the head and going through your pockets with it's trunk to find some peanuts. Damn things are spoiled rotten.
Two or three times a year we go up to the lake with long brushes and get in the boat while they are out cooling off in the water and scrub them down. No, I don't know why except Dad likes doing it. We always end up drenched from them spraying us, and yes we have to give them peanuts to get them to hold still. So if you come to the famous Christmas Place for a visit, stock up on goobers.

Have No Fear

Spencer is on the job.

Paul's Vacation Tally

Paul's hunting trip.. errr.. I mean vacation ended wonderfully. Basically he sent me this information. They went to Yellowstone National Park blah, blah, blah but then it gets interesting. He sent a list of the animals he managed to bag on his little hunting/vacation trip. 3 big bucks and 2 mule deer, 4 pronghorn antelope, 1 buffalo, a big elk, a bear, a roadrunner, a mongoose?, 17 snakes, a limit of squirrels, 2 geese, a red fox, a bald eagle, a whole covey of quail, 23 groundhogs, 4 coyotes and god knows how he managed to get 1 wolf  too, he almost got a Bigfoot and got one Russian tourist. He was so proud!

On the other hand, his new black Cadillac truck is completely demolished and he will have to get another one as soon as his family gets out of the Psychiatric Unit.

Searching For Elvis

Denise and I went to the Elvis Festival in Tupelo on Saturday and were looking forward to spotting Elvis as we went from place to place enjoying the sights. We didn't see him but we finally found where he parked his car and waited around hoping to snap his picture. Denise got all fluttery and tried to get in the car but I held her back and we took a picture before we headed home. Damn! That Elvis is an elusive character!

Smiling Over Times Square

A former Water Vallian took this picture while he was walking in Times Square. That is in New York City where they make that cheap Picante Sauce. The picture is of our hometown girl Connie Wilson. She hasn't even been to New York in ages.

Paul's Vacation Photo IV

Paul said it took all of his driving skill at 90 mph to turn the car into a controlled sideways skid to be able to fill his pronghorn antelope tags for the next 4 years.
He said the vacation is going great but for some reason, Wanda's hair is turning white and none of the kids will talk to him.

Paul's Vacation Photo III

Paul and Wanda are still up at Yellowstone enjoying their vacation. Going down the road yesterday, Wanda had to forcibly grab the wheel to save this poor Moose from becoming a statistic. Paul is still mad about it but fortunately I won't have to explain another bloody encounter by my Evil brother with a big game animal to the Duchess. (or the Police)

Paul's Vacation Photos II

Paul sent this photo of a buffalo trying to cross the road. The next picture he sent was so bloody and gross I could not post it. Needless to say the poor buffalo did not make it across the road. I think Paul had to accidentally run over it 3 or 4 times. Paul and Wanda cooked out that night and had fresh buffalo burgers.

Paul's Vacation

Paul is vacationing at Yellowstone this week. I am sure there is not a bear, deer, buffalo, elk or big horned sheep that is safe in the whole park. He sent me his first vacation photo today. He managed to swerve off the road and bag this big buck on the way up there.

Confusion While Hunting

So you are at the famous Christmas Place Hunting Club up in a white oak tree waiting for a big old buck to come out and suddenly a large group of elephant-like animals come out of the thicket and come over to your tree and start eating acorns right off the tree. They're blaring and huffing and grunting and making all kind of racket while they look you in the eye or poke you with their trunks and you realize that you need to make a decision. Are they Mammoths or are they Mastodons? See how confusing it is?

Graduated At Last!

Sarah Howell graduated with Distinction this past Thursday Night with the Gulfport High Class of 2012.

An Eerie Text

I received a strange and eerie text late last night and thought it was humorous for a minute until I realized the signature at the bottom was "Wandering Jack". Jack is the strange Vampire that lives on the Christmas Place and checks in with me from time to time about his life and what is going on in the Supernatural world. I wrote about him in The Collector and in Ghostwriter. He wanted to remind me to go see a movie that parallelled our lives and his story. Dark Shadows starts tonight.

I Name You "Evil Dog"

Camo, Hellhound of the Delta, I name you "Evil Dog", Barker in the Night, Howler at the Moon, Snorer in the Dawn, Hater of the Deer, Beggar of Treats, King of Shedding Fur, Butterball to the Gods, Growler at Birds, Sleeper on Watch, Pooter under the Bed, Master of Revolving Doors, Front Seat Hog, I name you "Friend of Thunderhoof the Unspeakable", Traitor to Deer Hunters, Sniffer of Possums, Runner of Armadillos, Hater of 4-Wheelers, 16 Hour Sleeper, Beggar at the Table, Smeller of Turtles, Noise Maker of Automobiles, Chaser of Bumblebees and Worthless Tracker of Wild Hogs

Have you heard Rick Riordan has published his new book called The Serpent's Shadow

My Dog's Disdain

I told my dog, Camo, all about how this elephant could play the harmonica and was probably traveling with a cool band somewhere while she was laying on the porch not doing a damn thing. She was not amused.
Groovy Elephant Tunes
If an elephant can play the harmonica, then my worthless dog ought to be able to play the guitar at least or maybe get the energy up to jump through a hula-hoop.
Which brings me back to figuring out what the hell the Duchess is thinking. My dog hates monkeys. Hates 'em. You think I'm weird. Go check out Bridget, she has the same problems I do.