THUNDERHOOF SPEAKS!

MEGAHORN, MS> THUNDERHOOF (TH) THE CHIEF AND LORD OF THE WHITE TAIL DEER THAT ROAM THE CHRISTMAS PLACE HUNTING CLUB (AND THE BIGGEST DAMN BUCK YOU'VE EVER SEEN)GAVE HIS ANNUAL INTERVIEW TODAY TO THE EDITOR AT THE BODOCK TIMES (BT). THIS INTERVIEW IS GIVEN EVERY YEAR TO GIVE THUNDERHOOFS' OPINION ON THE STATE OF THE HUNTERS AND OF THE DEER FOR THE COMING SEASON.
BT- THUNDERHOOF, HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN THAT ENORMOUS BODY WEIGHT AND ANTLER SIZE?
TH- I TRY TO STAY A TRIM 400/40. 400 LBS. AND A 40 INCH WIDE RACK, THANKFULLY, I EAT THE GRASS THOSE IDIOTS PLANT FOR ME LIKE EATING POPCORN, I GRAZE AND LAY AROUND MUNCHING IT AT MY LEISURE. THE CLOVER AT THE INDIAN MOUND IS ESPECIALLY GOOD.
BT- THERE ARE SOME GOOD HUNTERS THERE, ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT GETTING SHOT?
TH- NO I AM NOT WORRIED, FOR GODS SAKE EVERYTIME THEY SEE ME THEY PANIC. LOOK AT BURNEY, SHOT AT ME, KILLED A PINECONE, GREG JONES, KILLED A CHICKEN IN TCHULA 9 MILES AWAY WITH HIS RICOCHET, PAUL WOULDN’T EVEN SHOOT AT ME AT TWO HUNDRED YARDS BECAUSE HE FAINTED AND LAST YEAR I WALKED OUT IN FRONT OF HERSHEL AND LAUGHED AS HE SHOT STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR.
BT- TRENT IS ACTING WEIRD AGAIN, CAN HE GET YOU?
TH-HE KILLED MY LITTLE BROTHER A FEW YEARS BACK BUT LAST YEAR I HAD HIM SO CONFUSED HE COULDN'T SHOOT STRAIGHT. HE IS A WASHED UP LOSER.
BT- REX WAS LUCKY LAST YEAR, CAN HE GET YOU?
TH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
NO WAY, HE IS AS PITIFUL AS BURNEY.
BT- HERSHEL HAS PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO THE CHRISTMAS PLACE WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS?
TH- FRIDAY NIGHT WHEN HE IS ASLEEP, I AM GOING DOWN AND PERSONALLY EAT UP HIS WHOLE DAMN GARDEN. I APPRECIATE THE FOOD PLOTS AND THE WAY HIS SNORING DOESN’T BOTHER
ME WHILE I’M EATING, AND I LET HIM SEE ME LAST YEAR BUT HE IS NOT HUNTING VERY HARD AND NEEDS A JUMPSTART TO GET HIM GOING AGAIN.
BT- BURNEY IS DUE AND YOU HAVE BEEN SEEN IN THE SOUTH CORNFIELD WHERE HE WANTS TO HUNT.
TH- I HAVE RUN BY THAT IDIOT, WALKED UP BEHIND HIM, PEED ON HIS SALT LICK AND OTHERWISE PICKED ON HIM FROM THE TIME HE GOT HERE, HE IS A NO FACTOR IN HUNTING.
BT- ANY GUESTS HAVE A CHANCE?
TH- LIKE WHO?
BT= GREG JONES
TH- OH MY GOD, THAT’S FUNNY, CANT HIT A DEER, MUCH LESS A BUCK, WITH HIS BUCK FEVER.
BT- WHAT ABOUT TERRY?
TH- YOU KNOW HE IS SO SIMPLE THAT HE MAY BE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS A CHANCE, BUT I’M TIRED OF HIM KILLING THE YOUNG ONES.
BT- JOE NEWMAN?
TH-AS A DEER HUNTER, HE WOULD MAKE A GOOD BLIND AVIATOR.
WITH THE TYPE DEER HE KILLS, HE'D HAVE TO KILL 200 TO WEIGH AS MUCH AS MY FRONT LEG
BT- BOBBY?
TH- I ACTUALLY SLEEP IN HIS GROUND STAND WHEN IT IS RAINING, HE NEEDS TO CLEAN CAMP AND DRAG DEER FOR REX.
BT- THERE IS A BUNCH OF EXCITED KIDS WAITING TO HAVE A CRACK AT YOU THIS YEAR.
TH- MICHAEL CAN'T SIT STILL, AUSTIN WON'T SHOOT AND SPENCER FALLS ASLEEP. THESE THREE HAVE A LONG WAYS TO GO TO GET A GLIMPSE OF ME.
BT-THUNDERHOOF HAD TO LEAVE TO DESTROY DEERSTANDS THIS AFTERNOON, BUT WE HOPE TO HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW WITH HIM BEFORE GUN SEASON