Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Treacherous Widowed Recluse

Amazon, MS> As stated, Denise and I had a relaxing weekend at the famous Christmas Place Rain Forest. Except, for a few minor things it was great. Saturday was sunny and beautiful and we decided to hop in the Gator and go check our food plots to see how they were doing. We took my dog, Camo, who thinks she is supposed to drive. I finally moved her fat butt over and off we went on our adventure.
There is something that every person that does not spend time in the woods really needs to know. When the weather turns cool in the early fall, a large spider spins webs across every opening in the woods. I guess they are trying to catch hapless hunters. Here we go, zipping along checking out the fields and turn up what is known as Squirrel Road. This road winds through the woods before coming out at a field beside an Indian Mound. The stand is on the mound and has always been a great hunting spot. We are buzzing along laughing and talking and run smack into a giant web across the road. The spider crashes into my face. Denise screams AIIIEEEEE!!!!
and just bails out of the moving 6 wheeler, leaving me to be eaten by the hungry spider. The dog WOOFS! and jumps out too! Coward! Denise goes AIIIIIEEE Spider!! as I wipe the webs from my face and see the giant tarantula recluse hanging from the bill of my cap. It looks about the size of a dinner plate from my perspective as I slam on the brakes. HOLY CRAP!!! I yell as I try to get away. Suddenly WHACK! What the hell? WHACK! WHACK! as Denise hits me with a large branch. What the hell? I think as WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! I am hit again. The dog sees this and starts to get the hang of it and jumps up biting the hell out of my legs. WHACK! A Spider!! like the damn thing was on her. GRRRRR!! Whack! as the dog ate my ass up. GRRRR!! What a great game! GRRR! WHACK!!The spider got tired of looking at my nose and managed to climb up on top of my hat and escaped as Denise leveled another blow across my back. I threw my hat into the woods and managed to get the two crazies off of me as Denise hopped up and down screaming a spider was on her. I pulled the webs off both of them, got my bruised body back in the 6 wheeler and it was time to go back to camp. I needed a drink.

2 comments:

kim said...

absolutely LMAO. I want to help edit your book!
I sent the link to a bunch of my friends.

Marian said...

I think that was the first time I have read this story Rex....I laughed so hard I started crying. You are a scream...and a great storyteller. Felt I was right there in the woods with ya'll. Thanks for entertaining us. As I have said before, you really have a special gift!