The Tiny Twelve Point

Hamburg, MS> Several years ago, Hershel Howell (noted slave driver, Thunderhoof seeker, workaholic and retired gentleman farmer) studied the land at Natchez for a good place to hunt.
His legs hurt and moving stands at 70 years old was not as fun as it once was. He asked his oldest son to help him. Trent replied "No, you need to hunt one of those box stands" He asked his next child. Paul said "No, I'm too busy blasting deer, maybe next year" Hershel would have asked Rex but he already had him working in a salt mine somewhere. He got his four wheeler, tied a stand to the rear and took off! The west side of the property was little hunted and he found a scrape on the ridge, spent half the day worrying his stand into position and went back to camp to rest. His sons tried to talk him out of hunting there the next day, saying he had left too much scent in the woods. He promptly told them to all go to hell and leave him alone. He got on the stand. It wasn't long till he saw the horns emerge from the woods and got ready. The horns were nice but the deer looked small. He deliberated and before he was ready, the gun went off!
BLAM! The deer took off too!. I will give Paul credit, he can track a deer and spent the rest of the day tracking it until he and dad met up on the side of a ridge after losing the blood trail.
They started talking, when Paul saw the buck start easing up the other side of the ridge just over dads left shoulder. "Shoot" he yelled as the deer changed gears. Dad whirled, aimed and at the last second shot the running deer. A great shot under the circumstances, and the last real use we have had for Paul in ten years.

Devils Lose Game- Win Hearts

Jackson, MS> The Water Valley Blue Devils played the last game of the 3-A Championship on Monday and lost to the Newton County Cougars 6-4 in another nail biter that pushed both teams to the limit. A late rally by the devils almost pulled them out of the hole but it was not to be. The Water Valley fans cheered the team afterwards and nobody in this small town is anything but extremely proud of the young men and the outstanding accomplishments they have achieved. Once again a proud "thank you" to these fine young men.
The Clairion-Ledger has a nice article on the miracle of this team.

The Dove Field Monster

FLowing Liquor, MS> this picture was taken the night we brought the big monster in. A great celebration ensued with flowing liquor, a big fire and lots of telling of how I did it, retelling of deer stories from the past and hopes for the future. This picture shows Paul, Terry, Greg and I
holding the big deer. A great hunt and a night to remember!

Radiated Buck Shot Near Bridge

Chernobyl, MS> Paul Howell, famed deer hunter and luckiest person on the face of the earth, racked up another big buck this weekend at the Christmas Place Nuclear Research Institute. The deer walked into the middle of a 300 acre wheat field at dusk. Paul said “it was easy to see him, his horns seemed to glow”. The field was full of deer as Paul sat patiently on his bucket waiting for the buck to get within range. The deer wandered closer and closer and our hero drew down on the beast. That’s when he noticed the strange color of its’ hide, but then concentrated on it’s large antlers as it peacefully grazed 60 yards from him. BLAM!! The deer ran and Paul jumped to see if he hit the poor thing. A quick search for blood and when none was found, he headed for camp to organize a search party. After diligent searching Mark found a glowing green trail of blood and without any other help Rex tracked and found the glowing big horned varmint lying in the cane next to the creek. The huge deer was piebald (spotted for you idiots) with 7 huge points and an 18 ¾ inch spread of horns that glowed in the dark. Dept of Energy and Dept. of Agriculture were immediately called in to do the autopsy.
The mutant deer (big horns, tiny body) was found to be spotted from radiation sickness. The meat was immediately declared inedible for human consumption and given to the Howell Camp for supper. There was much coming and going of people in radiation suits and talking on walkie-talkies, then an old truck was discovered below the bridge that was suspected of hauling radioactive waste and may have been illegally dumping on the property for years. Trent Howell, criminal lawyer, (as they all are) said “it could be worse, it could be an old railway spur of one of my clients” Much prodding and bribery was needed to get the G-Men to leave the place especially after the members managed to steal a few of those cool white radiation suits. They would not leave until Paul said “Look at those horns, I sure would like all of you to come hunt here next year” The Feds were gone in 30 minutes. Congrats on a fine Buck!

3-A H.S. BASEBALL STATE CHAMPIONSHIP

Jackson, MS> Water Valley is in the finals for the state high school baseball championship. They are playing at the new Braves stadium out from Jackson in what is has turned into a duel of wits and pitching as our local heroes battled the Newton County Cougars ( a perennial championship team). Water Valley took the first game 2-1 in 9 innings. a tough fought game with great pitching from both sides. Yesterday the Cougars of Newton county took a 5-3 decision over our Blue Devils. The rubber match is Wednesday at 6 p.m. for all the marbles. If you are in Mississippi, try to go. It should be the best game of the year. As they say "GO BLUE!!!"
for related stories go to the Clarion Ledger

2002 WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR

EASY HUNTING, MS> 2002 WAS ONE OF THOSE YEARS IT SEEMED LIKE EVERY TIME YOU WALKED IN THE WOODS, A BIG OLD BUCK WOULD JUMP OUT IN FRONT OF YOU. BURNEY AND I WERE BLASTING DEER ALL OVER THE PLACE AND EVERYONE ELSE COULDN'T SEE A DEER MUCH LESS SHOOT ONE OF THE BIG HORNED VARMINTS. BEING HUMBLE ABOUT THE SITUATION WE DECIDED TO AGGRAVATE THE HELL OUT OF EVERYONE BY MAKING UP THESE CHRISTMAS CARDS FOR THE OTHER CAMP MEMBERS.

The Castle

I appraised this beautiful old home a few years ago. It is affectionately known as the Castle to everyone in Water Valley.

New Salespeople Put Blogger on Easy Street

Megabucks, MS> Howell Realty (shady real estate firm) recently hired two new sales people who are not wanted by the FBI or other law enforcement agencies. Shona Williams is a beautiful lady who claims to be about 30 but looks 22. We are working on perfecting the shoulder touch to sell real estate. Truthfully, she is hardworking and a great asset to the office and I believe she will be an absolutely great sales agent.
Wilbur Herring is an older gentleman who acts pretty crotchety but is really a very funny and hardworking retired postal employee. Don't worry he hasn't shot anyone in ages! From his postal days, he knows everyone and their family history. He is easy going but persistant and is doing great as a sales agent also.
So call them to list your house or just get info on homes in Water Valley.

The Fish Is Biting!

Denise and Hershel already trading fish stories as the crappie start biting.

Golf Camp Results

Crooked Shank, MS> We are back from golf camp, with a great time had by all. All the golfers sucked equally and it took a lot of beer to overcome the rusty swings displayed. Here are the results: Most Consistent-- (Pete Smith) Worst Nine Holes-- (Rex Howell) Best Nine Holes-- (Bebo Howell) Biggest Collapse-- (Greg Jones) Best Overall Disposition after playing bad golf--(Joe Black) Most Inconsistent-- (Trent Howell) Most Tired and Worn Out-- (Barry Weeks)
Loudest Hacker-- (Paul Howell)
Part of the fun playing was changing the scramble teams every nine holes so that everyone played with a new partner. As bad as I played, I ended up with a whole pocket full of money!
Saturday after 36 hole at Silver City, we ate in Belzoni at Cat Daddys' Restaurant with a seafood buffet, collapsed in bed and played at Benton the next day. A really fun weekend and I think everyone is looking forward to going back.

Bogey Blues

Water Valley, MS> Today is the day! Am packed and will be leaving at noon. Hope to play Sandstone Golf Club this afternoon. Go in to camp. Cookout. Play Silver City tomorrow.
Then Benton Golf Club on Sunday. Should be a great weekend! Will post the Bogey Cup results and photos late next week.

Officer Jones- V.C.O.

Mr. Jones has his problems with killing a deer but he is our official Varmint Control Officer! He got this big bobcat not long ago.

The Christmas Cemetery

Thomas Christmas marker inscription "So noble and true, struck down in prime of manhood by the hand of a ruthless murderer." He died June 6, 1875


Sarah and William Parker started the plantation in 1827 with the name Ferndale.
She died in 1851 at the age of 62. Records show she owned over 120 slaves and had almost 30,000 acres.


Camo is guarding the limestone grave markers about 3' x 6' over the graves of William and Sarah. About 20 graves are here with markers scattered through the woods.


The kids went with me and are at the only enclosed marker. The family was tied to the West family of which Cato was the governer. The Parkers had one son J.R. West
who supposedly had twin girls that married the Christmas boys (Henry and Thomas)
during the War in 1863.

The Voting Log

Thornton, MS> We were happy with our great deal on the 1000 acres at Natchez, but it was a long way to go every weekend. Hershel kept his eyes open and soon a broker called with a deal. 2000 acres in the edge of the delta called the Christmas Place. Hershel checked it out and fell in love.
To sell the Natchez property he had to have everyone agree. A trip was setup to explore the Christmas Place property and decide. Trent, Paul, Rex and Hershel headed for the delta. They wandered the property looking for deer sign, it looked good, damn good, but Trent really liked Natchez and was unconvinced. They wandered down to a little opening on an old logging road. Right beside the road was a giant hook! The kind that makes your mouth water. It was on a tree as big around as your leg! They all stared, and Hershel said “Let’s sit on that log over there and make a decision” Hershel picked a log out in perfect sight of the giant rub. They sat down and talked the pros and cons. Every now and then they would all glance at the giant hook shining across the clearing as Hershel expounded his ideas. Then they all voted. Since that time the field is known as Negotiation Log or the Voting Log stand.

PAUL (MODESTY) HOWELL

PAUL (A MODEST LIFE STORY)
EXCERPT FROM BUCKMASTERS MAGAZINE….
1.“I KNEW I WAS DESTINED FOR GREATNESS AT AN EARLY AGE, I ALWAYS KILLED THE BIGGEST DEER WHILE MY BROTHERS CRIED THEMSELVES TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.”
2.“I HUNTED THE HARDEST AND ALWAYS OUT THOUGHT
THE DEER, CRAWLING AROUND ON MY STOMACH, PLAYING THE WIND THAT’S THE WAY YOU DO IT.”
3. “SHOOTING MULES IS MY PASSION, SOME MEN LIKE WHISKEY, OR WOMEN, GOLF OR A REAL LIFE, JUST GIVE ME A MULE!”
4. THEIR JEALOUSY REALLY HURTS, I TRY NOT TO BRAG
AND TO BE VERY MODEST, BUT IT IS HARD TO DO WHEN YOU ARE SHOOTING GIANT MULES!”

Golf Camp Taking Shape

Wicked Slice, MS> Golf Camp at the famous Christmas Place Double Bogey Ranch is taking shape. We now have 8 people for the grueling golf marathon in the Mississippi Delta. We are leaving May 5 (Cinco de Mayo) in case it makes a damn, at noon.
If you are a golfer, send us a pic of your swing!
Those going are:
Trent Howell- our host and a solid duck hook kind of guy
Joe Black- long knocker, beer drinker and uninteresting talker
Barry Weeks- slow walker, slow player and big slicer
Paul Howell- (Homerun) forget the score, how much a hole?
Rex Howell- putter yips and duck hooks
Greg Jones- another long knocker expected to play like a dog
Pete Smith- the run up approach
Bebo Howell- Oxford pro who seems to have a chink in his armor right now
A lot of beer, Ezra Brooks whisky, steak, fellowship, a roaring campfire, bets!, teams, bragging rights, gamesmanship, outright lies, good food and a lot of fun golf.

You Blog One Time.......

and everyone thinks they can write a book!
Synopsis- An evil lawyer cons a saintly woman into marriage. Spends all his time hunting, playing golf, doing shady lawyer stuff, and corrupting his children while saintly wife works hard at a newspaper and wins Pulitzer prize for journalism.
The height of the story revolves around Hurricane Katrina and her efforts to save victims while he goes to Florida to play golf. First Trent and now my brother Paul!

GTF- Gone to France

Paris, France> Denise, my beautiful fiancee' has left the building! She is winging her way to France to see her two daughters, Alexis and Sadie. A great vacation! I'm sure they are at a corner bistro drinking coffe and smoking cigarettes while those damn frenchmen jibber at them and offer them wine. I am stuck at home with her crazy dog, Camo! Yes, some people have to work. It takes all my time to blog and play video games. Meanwhile, she is jet setting around the world. She better send pictures! She asked what I wanted from there and after much deliberation I think I want her to bring this outfit home.

MUZZELLOADING ATROCITIES

PANIC, MS> THE MUZZLELOADING SEASON OPENED VERY QUIETLY AT THE CHRISTMAS PLACE THIS YEAR SINCE EVERYONE HAD ALREADY KILLED A TROPHY DEER EXCEPT FOR PAUL HOWELL (FRENZIED PSYCHO). HE WAS THE ONLY ONE HUNTING. HE WENT TO THE BIG FIELD ACROSS THE BEAVER DAM WHERE HE HAS SCREWED UP BEFORE. BIG NED, (Giant Horned Buck) WANDERED INTO THE FIELD AND STARTED EATING GRASS.
PAUL WAS SO SURPRISED THAT HE SENT A MINI-BALL WHISTLING INTO THE OLD BOX STAND ACROSS THE WAY, THE MONSTER BUCK LOOKED AROUND, THE OLD STAND FELL OVER, THE DEER TROTTED OFF WHILE PAUL WAS BUSY RELOADING HIS DOE STICK. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF A DISASTROUS HUNT BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR ALL OF US, IT WAS THE BEGINNING. CONFUSED BY HIS MISS, CONFUSED THAT THE DEER WOULD EAT RYE GRASS, AND CONFUSED BY READING THE RELOADING INSTRUCTIONS, HE STARED BLANK EYED AS HE THOUGHT OF THE GIANT BUCK THAT HAD GOTTEN AWAY. HE WAS DEPRESSED AND EMBARASSED UNTIL A YOUNG BUCK AMBLED MIRACULOUSLY INTO THE FIELD. HIS EYES (PAULS) TURNED RED AND HE PROCEEDED TO CUT DOWN ON THE ADOLESCENT DEER.
AFTER THE SMOKE CLEARED THERE WAS ONE DEAD DEER AND GUNPOWDER RESIDUE ON 5 ACRES OF RYE GRASS. THIS 9 POINT (WE THINK, THE HORNS ARE SO SMALL IT’S HARD TO COUNT) IS NOT EVEN ROUTINE. DON’T WORRY IF TRENT WOULD HAVE SHOT IT, REX AND BURNEY WOULD NOT HAVE EITHER. BAD LUCK IS SURE TO FOLLOW THIS PITIFUL HUNTER.

Party Invite for Famous Blogger

As you see, the invitation came in conjuncture with the annual Chamber of Commerce banquet. The party afterwards is the big social event in Water Valley. Everyone puts on their finest attire and comes. Snookie and Mary Lou put on a great party. I am sure the idea was to have me talk about my famous deer hunting exploits but for some reason everyone was too busy drinking and talking to listen about the big deer I killed last year. I'm sure that if they hadn't already had a speaker picked in advance, they would of had me speak at the Chamber banquet. Maybe, next year.
Boy, this blogging really puts you in high social circles!

JONES' OLD TIME DEER LURE

Jack of Clubs

Poker, MS> The point stand was hot! Red hot! The only problem was that every weekend the wind was from the south or east. Everyone knew that if the wind changed, someone would get a deer there. That night we sat talking and telling stories, with everyone telling how they were going to be on the point stand the next morning. Finally, Paul (the Unwise) said “ By damn, we’ll just draw cards and settle this right now!” We all gathered around as a new deck of cards was spread over the table. Everyone eased a hand out and pulled a card back. A two, a four, a nine, and the next was the Jack of Clubs. Rex smiled and said “I’ll have that big buck by 8:00 AM”
The morning was perfect and the wind was finally from the north. The deer moved through the chest high grass toward him until five does were right under him. He held his breath as they eased past him and disappeared . 15 minutes later he spotted a coyote, easing toward him at 150 yards. The deer were gone and it looked like the hunt was over. Oh hell, BOOM! The coyote scampered as dirt flew up around him. Good-bye and good riddance he thought to himself. Ten minutes later a flash of antlers to his left. He eased his scope up and watched as the big buck moved directly toward him. At 40 yards it stopped and he took dead aim. BLAM!!!
The 8 point buck dropped in it’s tracks. He glanced at his watch. 8:00 AM. He smiled at the luck of the draw and under comments on the deer harvest sheet he wrote Jack of Clubs.

Golf, A Show, and Seafood

Tunica, MS> Greg Jones, his beautiful bride Kim, my wonderful fiancee' Denise and my self (your local bogeymaster)headed for the Tunica casinos Saturday. The girls went to the outlet mall and we managed to get a tee time at the River Bend Golf Links.The course is beautiful and set up as an old style English links course The price was $58 a piece with a cart. I birdied the first hole and it was downhill fron there. Mr. Jones beat the hell out of me.
Afterwards we headed for the Grand Casino, where Jeff Foxworthy was having a comedy show at 7:00 PM. Hw was great. Very funny and entertaining. His best quote was
"Tunica is the only place in the world you can shoot craps and shoot doves within 100 yards of each other." The price was about $55 per ticket.
We headed though the casino, and upstairs to the Seafood Buffett. All you can eat
seafood. $48 for two people! Add a lot of beer mixed in this equation and you can see it was a great deal. Add the fact that Denise promptly won $100 on the slots before we left and it is a great trip to go on. We will be going back once I figure out how to stop the shanks.

On Using Deer Lure

Budlight, MS> Rex (Buckmaster) Howell and Mark, (Trophy) Stewart discuss the proper use of beer and cigarettes as deer lure. The other idiots at the famous Christmas Place use Skunk, doe pee and other horrible crap. Who got the big ones this year? Oh,Yeah, we bad!!!!

XENA

Hercules, MS> One of my first investments with Mr. Jones was buying this classic 1959 Cadillac which we promptly named XENA. It was one of the early automobiles to have air conditioning and electric windows and the last to have the big fins in the rear. A giant of a car, but reconditioning her was way beyond our means. She was sold up in Tennessee and if anyone knows where she is I would like to see what she looks like now. In the tradition of Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang, a lot of fun stories were told to my three kids (Sarah, Spencer and Erin) of the adventures we had in the car.

On The Wall

A couple of big deerses on my office wall

Free Gifts Shower Renowned Blogger

Daydream, MS> Rex Howell, world famous blogger and trophy hunter, continues to enjoy the fruits of his success. Thousands of fans send him gifts and name their children after him. In fact, more people know his blogging than Paul has brought hunting to the famous Christmas Place. (which is a lot.) The gifts and cash (of course) continue to roll in. Here is a small example of a generous gift from a well known hunting magazine. Hershel said “ can you use that on turkeys?” Paul said “makes fawn taste like chicken” Trent said “I don’t use it, the manly thing to do is eat the liver raw!” Burney said “ah, crappie lure!” and Mark said “the Stewart family will try it with their doe recipes” Rex Howell, generous and gracious legend, said “Keep those cards and letters coming, my faithful readers.

The Antler Dog

Lost Canine, MS> Amazed! It was like a light went off in my head. Here I am wandering the magazine rack at Kroger waiting on Denise to buy coffee and groceries. I pick up a Magazine (North American Hunter) flip through it and there is an article about antler dogs. Who ever heard of such a thing? But, what a brilliant concept! Instead of wandering around hoping I might find a shed antler near one of my stands, I can train a dog to get out there and find them. WOW! Camo (the wonder dog) is now in full fledged training. Instead of racing around the yard trying to get my sock from the crazy animal, I can teach her to find antlers. Needing small antlers to start with I can steal a couple pair of Pauls. Then move up. That Camo will be worth her weight in gold. I will let you know how it goes.

A Rich Mans' Hog Hunt

Blood Splat, MS> It was Easter, a time of love, family, remembering Christian beliefs and
honoring the resurrection of the Lord. Paul Howell felt terrible. His trigger finger itched. He was at camp with his family and he was having no fun at all. The girls had brought their boyfriends and were having a great time. They wanted to fish, ride 4 wheelers and explore. Paul hates that crap. He wanted blood, as usual. He decided a hog hunt would cure his bloodlust. He made a few calls, loaded everyone up in his Hummer and headed to the hog hunt. When they arrived, dressed in their finest hunting clothes from Abercrombie and Fitch, Paul and Michael saw two large hog traps filled to the brim with wild hogs raising hell and trying to escape. They passed out the shotguns to Michael, the girls and their city boyfriends.
They went over the rules.
1. circle cages
2. when door is pulled open, raise guns
3. as hogs run out, fire at will
they circled the boxes, the door was yanked open.
There is some doubt as to whether the hogs were able to get out before the rain of lead blew them to smithereens, but Paul felt better. They shook hands all around and headed back to camp. Another bloody and successful hunt!

Trent Howell Publishes New Book!

A Few Samples

Trent and Burney discuss the rapid extinction of the big horned buck

FISHING SEASON STARTS

THE 40 ACRE LAKE AT THE CHRISTMAS PLACE HAS PRETTY GOOD FISHING.

There's Oil in Them Thar Hills!

Gusher, MS> Rex Howell, tireless servant of righteousness and deer hunting, and resident Buckmaster at the Famous Christmas Place feverishly shifted through contracts, making notes and additions, spent hours going through land records and abstracts, took soil samples, rewrote lengthy legal briefs, interviewed parties involved and took depositions, checked deeds and surveys, carefully thought out, weeded out and checked out final drafts of the large mineral leases brought by evil oil barons. Put all work into a complex file system, researched the internet for background on the parties of the first part, and systematically negotiated for hundreds of hours the final lease for the mineral rights to the Christmas Place. His loving brother Paul said “Screw him, show me the money!” His other adoring brother Trent said“I’m not going to have a bunch of damn oil wells messing up my hunting, there’ll be hell to pay” His father who dotes on his son said “ Damn fool, didn’t get enough money” and went back to hoeing in the garden. They really appreciated his selfless efforts, obviously, and since everyone was in agreement Rex quickly faked all the signatures and mailed the signed contract back. So if you see some oil derricks sprouting up you know who to thank.

Contrary to Popular Belief.....

Blind Hog, MS> Contrary to popular belief, my father does not spend all his time having weird visions, sleeping in his stand, drinking, riding the tractor, or wearing an apron and chasing deer out of the garden with a broom. Sometimes he gets mad enough to actually shoot one.

The Antler Tree

The Water Dog

Grenada Lake, MS> (As told by Hershel Howell)
Grabbling is a dangerous sport, but a lot of fun. We used to run logs down on Grenada Lake. Grabbling would involve locating a log in the water with a big hole in it that you could slide into and block off. Then a cane pole with wire is run into the log to force the catfish to come out toward you. When the fish gets to you, you grab it, forced a rope through its’ gill and then drag it in the boat. Sounds easy but it’s not. The fish can weigh 50-60 pounds and can drown you. There are snakes and other creatures in the water too. But the most dangerous one of all is the Waterdog.
I was going up the river that day in the boat with my friend Tom Parnell. We had been easing up the river for a while checking our logs and were heading for a log we called “Fifth of Whiskey” because of a bet on how big a fish we would catch there. It was our biggest log and our best hope to get a really big yellow cat.
We quietly eased up near the log and Tom slipped quietly out of the boat. As he eased toward the log I whispered “Be careful of the WaterDog” He looked at me blankly and headed for the end of the log.
Just before he got to the log, there was a big splash at the end of the log which started bouncing up and down and the water boiled at the opening.Tom froze about 8 feet from the opening. Suddenly a jet of water shot up at the end of the log and a huge stream of water and bubbles headed right at my friend. The trail of bubbles met him square in the chest and tossed him aside like a toy. The stream of bubbles headed out across the lake and toward the bank. As I watched in amazement the Waterdog came out of the water and headed for a big cypress tree. The animal looked half giant black dog with a large head like a catfish and a long fish tail. It reached the tree and started up the tall snag. It’s sharp claws tore into the tree like a panther and as it got to the top it unfurled a large set of wings and flew away! That’s my only encounter with the WaterDog and the last time I ever saw it.

A Few Artifacts

A few ancient artifacts laying around. Arrowheads, old marbles, mini ball, Indian pottery, a big beautiful white arrowhead found at Spike Camp, a chisel or celt, a piece of petrified wood and Bobby.

The Return of TurkeyBoy

Big Strut, MS> Everyone was taking a well deserved weekend off from working at the Christmas Place Gulag. Everyone except Paul and Michael, they were turkey hunting. The two assassins moved into the Negotiation Log Field before daylight. Mosquitos were eating them alive but Paul did not have a mosquito killing license. He stroked his box call.
The could hear turkeys below them but they could not get them nearer. Michael felt confident, but as the morning wore on, he was also getting bored and low on blood from the mosquitos that looked awfully like hummingbirds. He realized there would be no turkeys today. At nine they prepared to leave but Paul, whose bloodlust knows no bounds, gave one last try on the call. Way off he heard an answer! They got ready and prepared to ambush the innocent gobbler. He called again and in a few minutes the big turkey came into the field. It spotted the decoy of a lovesick hen, and started running straight at it. It was love at first sight! Michael deftly dodged a sparrow sized mosquito and leveled his gun. BLAM! Michael nailed him in midstride. This big gobbler weighed 18lbs with an 11 inch beard.
Score: Michael 2, rest of camp 0
Congratulations!

The Adventures of Remo Jones

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
DOEVILLE,MS> GREG (REMO) JONES SPOTTED THE EVIL DOE AS IT CREPT SINISTERLY INTO THE FIELD. HE PULLED HIS RIFLE AROUND AND LAID HIS 9 X 83 SUPER SONIC SCOPE WITH THE EXTRA LARGE CROSSHAIRS ON THE EVIL CREATURE. HE FLIPPED THE SAFETY OFF OF HIS .480 ARMOR PIERCING DOUBLE OUGHT WINCHESTER MAGNUM ELEPHANT AND OR GORILLA SUPER SNIPER RIFLE. (WITH A COMPASS IN THE STOCK). HE TOOK DEADLY AIM. BOOM! THE RIFLE ROARED, THE EVIL DOE FLIPPED AND MADE A DASH FOR SAFETY, BLOOD SPURTED! BOOM! THE DEADLY MAGNUM ROARED AGAIN, THE EVIL DOE WAS WOUNDED BUT THE VILE CREATURE CONTINUED TO LIMP TOWARD THE WOODS. MR. JONES JACKED ANOTHER BALLISTIC TIP MINI NUKE SHELL INTO THE SMOKING RIFLE. BOOM! THE DOE FLIPPED AGAIN AS IT ENTERED THE WOODS.
THE EVIL DOE ESCAPED (THOUGH MORTALLY WOUNDED THROUGH THE TOENAIL)
IN MR. JONES DEFENSE, THE AIR WAS COLD (65 DEGREES),
THE WEATHER WAS HORRIBLE (SUNNY AND CLEAR), THE
HURRICANE WINDS WERE AT 2 MPH. AND HE HAD NOT HAD A STEADYING DRINK ALL AFTERNOON. MR. JONES HEADED TO CAMP IN THE DUSKY DUSK OF THE DUSKY TWILIGHT.

REMO JONES
THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES
BIGBUCK, MS> GREG (REMO) JONES FELT LIKE CRAP. THE DOE AT THE NORTH CORNFIELD HAD ESCAPED AND IT LEFT A TERRIBLE FEELING IN HIS STOMACH. MR. JONES LOOKED DOWN AT THE BOTTLE OF FRENCH MUSTARD GREENS BRANDY AND SQUINTED HIS EYES ,DETERMINED TO NOT TAKE A DRINK TILL HE FINALLY KILLED A DEER. HE STUFFED THE BOTTLE INTO HIS PACK AND LEFT FOR THE #1 FIELD READY TO FINISH THE JOB.
THE RULES WERE GET A DOE FIRST, THEN YOU CAN SHOOT A BUCK. HOURS LATER, HE HEARD THE DEER MOVING THROUGH THE BRUSH. MR. JONES TURNED TO GET READY FOR THE DOE AND SUDDENLY, HUGE ANTLERS! A TREMENDOUS 10 POINT WALKED INTO THE FIELD. IT LAZILY AMBLED TOWARD HIM. DID I MENTION THE HUGE ANTLERS? 30 YARDS, 20 YARDS. IT STOPPED. IT LOOKED DIRECTLY AT HIM. IT WINKED ONE EYE. THEN THE MONSTER BUCK AMBLED SLOWLY OFF INTO THE WOODS. MR. JONES SAT PALE AND STRICKEN. FINALLY HE RIPPED OPEN HIS PACK AND DRANK THE ENTIRE BOTTLE OF BRANDY, PUT HIS HANDS ON HIS EYES, AND HUNG HIS HEAD DOWN TILL THE DUSKY DUSK OF DARK.

Hershel Howells' Retirement (Not)