Deer Camp Blog

Deer Camp Blog- the outdoor column of The Bodock Times- (a satirical periodical) Humor and Hunting at the famous Christmas Place Plantation Hunting Club on the edge of the Mississippi Delta


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Yeti Conspiracy

Swamp Creature, MS> After my amazing find and reporting of a giant Bigfoot nest in a recent post, I was overwhelmed with emails wanting to know the exact geo-coordinates to the find, how much he weighed and which direction did he run. Most of these emails were from hunting bloggers and wild game chefs. Hmmm? What was that all about?
I put the crack team of investigative journalist at the Bodock Times to work. What we found out will amaze and disturb you. Read the rest with caution!
What was going on? I put the names of all the bloggers, their URL's and zodiac sign into Google and the shadows of a strange conspiracy started to emerge. A network of so-called bloggers with a hidden and evil agenda. My computer whirled, smoked, chugged and finally one name and one webpage came out. Steve Remington at Skinny Moose Media. Ah-Hah! The mastermind of these nefarious criminals! He runs the Skinny Moose Media. And why is that moose so skinny? I have the answer.
My expert computer techies cracked the encryption on his email and we have the truth!
These hungry bloggers are systematically collecting and making gourmet meals of all of the last remaining unusual, exotic and strange creatures on the planet! More Google and I found two unscrupulous chefs involved in this enterprise. Cookie from The Cook Shack and Frank at My Mans’ Man.They have thousands of recipes. Martians, Bigfoot, Dinosaurs, Lake Monsters, you name it, there is a recipe for it. Now that I have exposed them, maybe Cookie will finally give up his recipes for Bigfoot-au-Gratin.
What are Othmar and Bill Anderson doing in the frozen tundra? Who do you think digs up the frozen mammoths and cuts steaks off of them? They also know that Godzilla is in the ice up there somewhere too!
Mr. Remington has that Nutria guy down in Louisiana frantically looking for the Honey Island Monster.

Even my friend Steve at the Shed Antler is in on it. Anyone Seen the Boggy Creek Monster in the last 10 years? No? He’s a goner! Boggy-Bar-B-Que!
The Hog Guy, Phillip, is hunting hogs in California. HA! Everyone knows that no one hunts in California. Hell you can’t even buy a gun there! So what is he doing?
Searching for and blasting the last of the Bigfoot, Bigfoots, er.. Bigfeets! He got the Abominable Snowman last year. Want some? $8000 a slice.
And what about those Bright Idea guys, and what the hell is a bio rod for. I know. Right now those two are casting for Champ, the sea monster of Lake Champlain. Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, they caught her four years ago. Sushi at $20,000 a plate.

More facts you say! It took 6 hours to land that Creature from the Black Lagoon. They all agreed it tasted like chicken.
Wolfman- eaten in 1969, The Chupacabra was served with rice, The last Thunderbird- served in 1983 with cole slaw. Some guy with the codename Moose has been busy.
You think the dinosaurs are extinct? I don’t think so. A certain African blogger named KeesKennis has them on a game ranch down there. He sends pics to all his hungry cronies. Dodo birds, he got ‘em! Tyranosaurs, Triceratops, he got ‘em.

These bloggers have the world covered and are continually searching for strange beast to serve their well paying guest. Who are they? Zillionaires of course, like Rod Storrs or Paul Howell, Jim Braaten and the Fat Hairy Bastard, all politely plump at this time.
Go to Skinny Moose, the damn thing gains weight as the month goes by. When it burps, that means the dinner will be served that night in their secret dining room. Now that I have exposed this conspiracy, hurry and send money here for the Bigfoot Preservation Fund. Twenties, fifties and hundreds are all accepted. Save the Bigfoots!



At 12:13 PM, Anonymous Phillip said...

You realize, of course, that now that you've broken our conspiracy we'll have to add a new delicacy to the menu. That's right, Rex-a-la-king (kinda redundant, but hey..who's counting?).

Seriously, that's one hilarious post!

Now, leave me alone... I think I found some fresh tracks up in the redwoods this weekend!

At 4:13 PM, Blogger Editor said...

Yikes! I am on a hit list!

At 4:23 PM, Anonymous Steve Remington said...

Ah yes now I have been caught. I knew it after I received an anonymous email saying I was, in fact, the mastermind. He had me in my tracks.

At 4:27 PM, Blogger Editor said...

kind of like Dr. Goldfarb and his Bikini Machine

At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I suggest a salad plate of Rex-a-Roni, garnished with fava beans and a dry chianti?
Dr. H. Lector

At 5:47 PM, Blogger Fathairybastard said...

Well my friend, you've exposed the cryptozoological buffet, and for this you must die. Hilarious. If only.

At 7:00 PM, Blogger Cookie..... said...

Yupper...there be Sasquatch Soup, Big-Foot Bologna, Big-Foot Fettucini, Saute'd Sasquatch...etc....

At 7:03 PM, Blogger Editor said...

I can't tell if I am hungry or terrified!

At 10:24 PM, Blogger Fathairybastard said...

Ya know that famous picture of Bigfoot, arms swinging, turning towards the camera, taken in Cali in the early 60s by the guys who were supposedly riding horses up a creek bed when they spooked the thing and it walked away? You've got a famous still from the film they took posted there.

They say now that it was faked. They've interviewed the guy who says he was in the suit. Thing is, I saw a show on that film footage a while back and they noted that when the critter turns to look at the camera, it's breasts swing into view! That's right, it had breasts. Check out the video some time. My question is, who the hell would think to put fake tits on a Bigfoot suit? ...Is all I'm sayin.

At 10:26 PM, Blogger Fathairybastard said...

Bigfoot mountain oysters? Naaaaa!

At 11:32 PM, Blogger KeesKennis said...

T - Rex - dumplings sounds good.

At 5:26 AM, Anonymous Matt said...

I wish it were all true. Orders for BIO Rods would start flying in.

This post is hysterical. How do you come up with this stuff?

At 9:10 AM, Anonymous Cliff said...

Wow, this definitely explains a lot. I have to say I'm shocked at such a complex conspiracy. The only thing I have to wonder about is one creature you didn't mention: the Hairy Swamp Booger. Has the same thing happened to them as well?

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Editor said...

Hairy Swamp Booger aka Fat Hairy Bastard

At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Stormy and Frank said...

We haven't tried dinosaur yet - does anybody have any extra meat to share? We can trade antelope, pork, elk, deer or moose.

At 7:19 PM, Blogger Othmar Vohringer said...

Just what I needed to read, tired from work, moving house and nursing a serious cold – from digging up frozen mammoths – I needed this hilarious post to put a smile on my face. By the way, the mammoth steaks should be nice and tender. After aging for a few million years, these steaks will melt in your mouth.

-Othmar Vohringer-

At 9:03 PM, Blogger deerslayer said...

TRUTH BE TOLD---- the fact is I have actually hunted the BIGFOOT from my brothers rooftop one night after it picked up his brother-in-law and pinned him to the trailer wall 18 inches off the ground and we found tracks leading into the fields behind his house. TRUTH BE TOLD---- I have actully seen a BIGFOOT down by the river walking up the roadbed approximately 80 yards from me and got a real good look at him before he left the roadbed and went into the brush up a motorcycle trail. I truly believe in the yetti,bigfoot or sasquatch as there were no houses around me for miles where I was at and no ne else at the river I was going to fish.

At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Bill Anderson said...

We still hold 2 secrets rex...

1. We KNOW how they get the caramilk in the caramilk bar.

2. 2 practical uses for the PETA.

Great blog post!

At 12:07 AM, Blogger Moose said...

Well looks like you gut this all figured out. Here is one of your creatures

This was killed in Maine

At 8:31 AM, Blogger deerslayer said...

HI Rex, just thought I'd let you know I'd found the lost baby bigfoot from the nest you found down here in Tennessee.

At 5:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is Bigfoot Real?


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