Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The Yeti Conspiracy
Swamp Creature, MS> After my amazing find and reporting of a giant Bigfoot nest in a recent post, I was overwhelmed with emails wanting to know the exact geo-coordinates to the find, how much he weighed and which direction did he run. Most of these emails were from hunting bloggers and wild game chefs. Hmmm? What was that all about?
I put the crack team of investigative journalist at the Bodock Times to work. What we found out will amaze and disturb you. Read the rest with caution!
What was going on? I put the names of all the bloggers, their URL's and zodiac sign into Google and the shadows of a strange conspiracy started to emerge. A network of so-called bloggers with a hidden and evil agenda. My computer whirled, smoked, chugged and finally one name and one webpage came out. Steve Remington at Skinny Moose Media. Ah-Hah! The mastermind of these nefarious criminals! He runs the Skinny Moose Media. And why is that moose so skinny? I have the answer.
My expert computer techies cracked the encryption on his email and we have the truth!
These hungry bloggers are systematically collecting and making gourmet meals of all of the last remaining unusual, exotic and strange creatures on the planet! More Google and I found two unscrupulous chefs involved in this enterprise. Cookie from The Cook Shack and Frank at My Mans’ Man.They have thousands of recipes. Martians, Bigfoot, Dinosaurs, Lake Monsters, you name it, there is a recipe for it. Now that I have exposed them, maybe Cookie will finally give up his recipes for Bigfoot-au-Gratin.
What are Othmar and Bill Anderson doing in the frozen tundra? Who do you think digs up the frozen mammoths and cuts steaks off of them? They also know that Godzilla is in the ice up there somewhere too!
Mr. Remington has that Nutria guy down in Louisiana frantically looking for the Honey Island Monster.
Even my friend Steve at the Shed Antler is in on it. Anyone Seen the Boggy Creek Monster in the last 10 years? No? He’s a goner! Boggy-Bar-B-Que!
The Hog Guy, Phillip, is hunting hogs in California. HA! Everyone knows that no one hunts in California. Hell you can’t even buy a gun there! So what is he doing?
Searching for and blasting the last of the Bigfoot, Bigfoots, er.. Bigfeets! He got the Abominable Snowman last year. Want some? $8000 a slice.
And what about those Bright Idea guys, and what the hell is a bio rod for. I know. Right now those two are casting for Champ, the sea monster of Lake Champlain. Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, they caught her four years ago. Sushi at $20,000 a plate.
More facts you say! It took 6 hours to land that Creature from the Black Lagoon. They all agreed it tasted like chicken.
Wolfman- eaten in 1969, The Chupacabra was served with rice, The last Thunderbird- served in 1983 with cole slaw. Some guy with the codename Moose has been busy.
You think the dinosaurs are extinct? I don’t think so. A certain African blogger named KeesKennis has them on a game ranch down there. He sends pics to all his hungry cronies. Dodo birds, he got ‘em! Tyranosaurs, Triceratops, he got ‘em.
These bloggers have the world covered and are continually searching for strange beast to serve their well paying guest. Who are they? Zillionaires of course, like Rod Storrs or Paul Howell, Jim Braaten and the Fat Hairy Bastard, all politely plump at this time.
Go to Skinny Moose, the damn thing gains weight as the month goes by. When it burps, that means the dinner will be served that night in their secret dining room. Now that I have exposed this conspiracy, hurry and send money here for the Bigfoot Preservation Fund. Twenties, fifties and hundreds are all accepted. Save the Bigfoots!