Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Secret Rites of the 10-Point Club


Illuminati, MS> The planting went fine at the famous Christmas Place last weekend, but Saturday night was the meeting of the very secret and mysterious Ten Point Club.
This exclusive gathering is for everyone that has taken at least a 10-point buck off of the famous hunting club. Indian or deer masks are required to attend. Needless to say, it is shrouded in mystery with lots of secret handshakes, wearing of antlers and insider information for all the members.

Hershel “Chief Tallahatchie” Howell opened the meeting congratulating the members on their fine hunt last year and launched into a long winded speech about ducks as we all got beer and chips. He was interrupted by Paul "Double Fine” Howell, who wanted to know why he could not be chief. This brought a roar of laughter from the audience and several empty beer cans were thrown in his direction for him to shut the hell up so we could get to the X-rated videos and other secret stuff.
The secretary Trent “Pondboy” Howell stood up and announced that a new member of the club would be initiated that night as Drew Stewart Had killed a monstrous 11-point last year and was ready to join the club. Trent did not look too happy at the moment. A hushed silence fell over the crowd and suddenly the door opened and Drews' father, Mark Stewart, burst into the room wanting to know why he could not be a member? After all, didn’t his son did kill the biggest deer last year? Drew hurriedly led the confused and tottering miscreant to the door, threw him out and slammed the door in his face. Wild cheers swept through the underground grotto, and Drew was unanimously voted into the club. The secret deer rites were performed with antlers by candlelight and finally a blood oath of death to Thunderhoof was taken.
Mark, Bobby, Michael, Spencer and Greg Jones scratched at the door the whole time but finally quit after someone pitched a couple of hotdogs out the window to them. These losers were made official camp cleaners and deer skinners for the year.

Next, Rex “River Buck” Howell stood and said something had to be done about that damn Thunderhoof. He was hooking and killing all the timber, no corn crop in 30 miles had been able to be harvested, and the damn thing was being a nuisance. In fact, it was eating up Hershels’ garden right this minute! Hershel went ballistic and put a bounty of $816.42 on his head. This was how much money was left from last years budget. The angry crowd cursed that horrible deer and pitched Camo and Trigger out the door with instructions to run the beast off and went back to their poker games.
The rest of the meeting was spent giving secret map locations to hidden trails, drinking whiskey and discussing where the real big bucks were and not the info we gave to guest like Greg “Doe Blood” Jones. All 10-point club members were put on the best stands, of course, and new plans to keep guest from killing a big buck were implemented, as usual. Special precautions were taken to insure that none of the Outdoor Hunting Bloggers killed a deer.
The meeting wrapped up when Burney “Tell Me Where to Hunt” Howell suggested (again) that it was not right to keep stealing and burning his father, Bobbys’, walking cane and that he should be let in the club as an honorary member or even a mascot.
This, of course, left the whole room rolling in laughter and the meeting was adjourned to watch secret deer videos, drink beer and whisky, talk about hot women and smoke big cigars.
Another successful meeting.

17 comments:

Phillip said...

Wow, you guys are tough!

So, when you eastern folks count antler points, you include the legs, right? Four points down and the rest on the head?

That's the best way I know to make a six-pointer into a 10.

Old Scratch said...

I think I'll kill a spike this year just to piss everbody off.

deerslayer said...

This all sounds like a great club to be in but Can I get a secret map to the drinking whiskey? Thats all I need to help me see big bucks in the woods.

Old Scratch said...

Deerslayer it's usually in half gallons, on the kitchen counter on the right of the fridge.

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