Small Town Election Night

One of the true things that I enjoy about living in a little southern town is election night. On this night everyone in Water Valley gathers at the park for the election returns. The kids play, food is served, music plays and everyone meets and greets as we wait for the returns to slowly trickle in as we anxiously watch the big board. It is a true symbol of small town Americana.

Deer Hunters -vs- Aliens

Today they are releasing the new movie Cowboys and Aliens. I am planning on going to see it but I don't know what the big deal is. We have problems with those pesky aliens every weekend at the famous Christmas Place.
Those guys are always zipping around in their saucers, scaring the wildlife, blasting right and left with their ray guns, snaring unsuspecting hunters for their lurid experiments, creeping around trying to take over the world, and in general causing all kinds of chaos and havoc. We really hate a bunch of pesky aliens. Go see it! See what a weekend at our camp is really like!

Here Come Da Judge!

The Watermelon Carnival is just around the corner, but the local elections are right on top of us too. Trent Howell (locally known as the hanging judge or "Noose" Howell) is running for the District 2 judgeship. The election is August the 2nd but he is an independent and will be running in the primary against the winner. District II Judge Race.

CAMOS CAMP VACASHUN!

this wekend I ewnt to camp with out rex. Pop took Trigger and me down for the week end. we chaseded rabbits,howed at the big old moon,chased those bad deerses, sum possums and a mean old coon. boy, we had fun!

We jumped in the lake and almost caugt a fish. I ran with the 4-wheeler thing until I was so tired I feel asleep on the couch.

We had good food. Fish, deer steak. Yum, Yum.

We looked but did not see a single cat, but smelled lots of hogs. I hate them thangs!

Rex and mom went to Tunica. They say I will have to eat dog food all this week. Blah!

Tunica Or Bust

or "How to Pay Camp Dues"
The Mississippi Coalition of Appraisers is holding their annual convention at Tunica starting tomorrow and I need to go to earn my CE hours. This will help me as I can also win enough money while I am there to pay my camp dues, pay for my football tickets, pay for our new cadillac, buy Camo a diamond studded collar and pay for all the kids college education. What a deal!!!! Will be back Monday with a report on all my big winnings!

The Love Seat Hog

Trent has been after those hogs all summer and this weekend he headed down to camp again with his wife Shelley to hunt. It was a pleasant day out and they sat in the love seat swing to talk and enjoy the afternoon before he left to hunt. It was a quiet romantic day and as they taked he stared into her eyes, they moved closer together and suddenly there was a loud G-R-U-N-T as a big hog ran across the yard. Holy Crap! Trent jumped up, Shelley fell over (still puckered up), Trent raced into the house, grabbed his gun and started sneaking across the yard while hiding behind the little peach tree. A whole covey of hogs appeared!
The hogs congregated in the big field behind the camp without a care in the world as Trent sneaked, snuck, crept up on them.
Trent finally remembered to load his rifle, took a rest and BAM! the biggest hog fell. The hunt was over and another hog on the pole.

Don't Go To the Howell Family Reunion

The Sons Of Hershel howell

1. Rex Your friendly neighborhood blogger
2. Paul, the Lucifer Lawyer
3. James, Pecan Minded Bee Keeper
4. Trent, Water Valley's Evilest Lawyer

Alaska Comes home

My brother James and all his family with Dad.

Saturday Night Cookout

After the golf match, we all retired to Trent's house to relax, imbibe and then eat. It was a peaceful and fun time for all. This is Paul, Dad, Trent and Bebo with Michael in the background.

Here are Tyler, Denise and Greg relaxing and joking around.

Fourth Of July Recap

It was close but we made it through the weekend without anyone getting shot or stabbed. I almost had to shoot myself Sunday as my golf game completedly disappeared and I hacked it around horribly.
Saturday was different. This was the day of the Howell Open and my team ended up with a ringer. Betty Bullion made her debut in the Open and proved deadly to the other teams. She sank a couple of 20 foot birdie putts and chipped another one in for a birdie as we kicked the crap out of the other teams. Paul, Betty, Greg and I won enough money off those losers to last until next year.

Sunday was different and Paul and I went to Oxford to meet Bill Howard, Mark Larson, and Bob Schull. I got the crap kicked out of me, but I do enjoy playing golf with those guys and the Ole Miss Golf Course is in perfect condition. The upside was that this was the annual time of year that Paul has to pay Mark after he gets beaten to death on the golf course.

Monday mroning the guys played again and Bebo won all of his money back as I still played horribly and Paul had not shaken off his defeat on the previous day. Will post the party pics of Saturday night and the big party at Aunt Marilyns later.

Howell Golf

The famous Howell Open is this Saturday. On this relaxing weekend, we do our damndest to beat the hell out of each other playing golf, using any trick in the book. On this occassion there are some simple rules you need to know to understand this blood feud.
1. Gamesmanship knowledge is vital. If you do not understand it you will get your ass beat.
2. Never play on Pauls team. The object is to take all of his money and send him home crying. You may lose but if you beat his sorry butt it is that much sweeter.
3. Never count Dad out. (that should be rule #1)
4. Never piss Dad off. You will get beat.
5. Never piss Bebo off. You will get beat.
6. Rules are just kind of guidelines. Play them to your advantage.
7. Most important. IF YOU GET YOUR OPPONENT DOWN, STOMP ON HIS NECK UNTIL THERE IS NOT ANOTHER DIME LEFT IN HIS POCKET.
These rules should get you through the weekend, will report the blood loss after the fourth.

Strange Sighting

This vaguely humanoid creature was recently spotted at the famous Christmas Place. What is it? Bigfoot? some strange half hog, half human experiment? a mutated Wildebeast? a burnicevelociraptor? someones pitiful grandpa? something from a horror movie? Come back and visit while we track this strange hideous creature that probably escaped from the Island of Dr. Moreau.

Too Hot To Fish

What do you do at the famous Christmas Place when it is too hot to fish? Burney and Austin climbed up the spillway and jumped in to cool off.

Yachting With Senor Stewart

Senor Mark Stewart of the Germantown Stewarts and his jet-setting wife just arrived back in the United States after an extended trip to Acapulco, Mexico. He said "it's good to get back here with the little people".
This weekend the two socialites will be aboard their Yacht anchored on Sardis Lake and have invited several guest to join them if they have enough room. He said " All work and no play is not the best way to enjoy perfectly chilled champagne" The wealthy playboy and his vivacious wife are looking for some relaxation after a whole week of work.
see you there!

Fishing with Hershel

I am not a big fisherman. In fact, I do not quite get hunting something that you can't see. This does not mean that I don't understand how to fish or exactly what to do when I am out there. I have been on a hundred fishing trips with my father and there are some important lessons learned that I would like to share.
1. Whoever controls the boat catches the most fish.
2. Quit bitching, quit talking, I'm trying to fish.
3. Pee over the side of the boat, no the other damn side!
4. Sorry, I only have one of these jigs.
5. Get your own damn hook out of the tree, we're catching 'em like crazy.
There are a few more but you get the drift. In fact fishing with him reminds me of a song.

The Christmas Place Fishing Rodeo

It did not start out as a fishing rodeo, but it ended up being a great time for everyone. Denise, Erin, her friend Destiny, Camo and myself headed down to camp friday afternoon and got there just in time for a wonderful crappie dinner. Burney and Davin Lammey were already there and had been fishing with Paul Jones all afternoon. They caught a bunch of fish and the next morning they hit it hard again.

Brian Henry and his boys showed up to fish too and had a great time.

Troy Cone and his friend David came in and hit the lake too, so we had a herd of people enjoying some great fishing while the rest of us goofed around the camp or rode 4-wheelers.
It was nice to get out of town and forget work for a day or two and everyone enjoyed themselves.

Gabriel Scores!!!!!

Now that's a bear!
Gabriel is my brother, James, youngest son and this is his first bear and was taken in the wilds of Alaska. congratulations!

The Howell Open

Golf is a four letter word. I had been getting better and better and now am reduced to the shanks and can't hit the ball to save my soul. This happens just as it is time for the famous Howell Open that occurs around the fourth of July every year. All of us go at it hard that weekend to beat the crap out of each other and my evil brother just called (no, the one on the coast) and said he is playing great. Crap! Just what I needed to hear.
I guess he has nothing to do all day except sue people and play golf.
I swear, this having to work for a living is killing me!

August In June

What the hell is going on? A month ago I was freezing to death and now I can't walk outside without feeling like I am going to melt. It is 100 degrees every day here. This is not supposed to happen until August.
To top it off, we are in the middle of a drought and have not seen rain in over a couple of months now. Camo is sleeping on top of the A/C vent.
Hope we get a break in the weather soon or this may become the dust bowl of the South.

Appraisals From Hell

You would think doing home appraisals would be easy. You drive up to the house, get out and take a glance and you already know what it's worth. I haven't seen but ten billion just like it. So knowing the rough value is not a problem. Dealing with AMC's is the problem. They have ten thousand people sitting around an office with nothing to do except critique your appraisal after you submit it. They want corrections to make it fit perfectly into some system that they have and in rural Mississippi that is very difficult. These are the appraisals from hell that you can't get off your desk. I have had a slew of these lately. Thank god, I have work, and I am figuring out how to get past the pratfalls of having to do countless corrections so maybe I can blog a little more in the next few weeks.

Riding In Style

Cadillac!!Eat your heart out!!

Hot Fishing

Alan Mcleod sent this pic of a recent successful fihing trip to the famous Christmas Place. His host (Your Evilness) will not let him shoot one of our big old deerses but relented and let him catch a fish.

Snakes Foreclosure

Some people say this foreclosure happened in Walls, MS at some house up there (John).
I think this is in Idaho though.

Snakes In The House

Saturday Miscommunication

Denise, Spencer and I were fired up about going out to Sardis Lake and going boating with my Best Friend. That didn't happen.
The water was very high and no beaches were available, so my
Best Friend let me know that there was not enough room for us on his boat.
Of course we found this out just as we arrived at the lake.
Denise, Spencer and I went down to the lower lake which had countless beaches and swam a little and had a picnic while my Best Friend was cruising all over the upper lake with all his pals.
We all had a good time, including my Best Friend.

The Arkansas BeeKeeper

Hey James! While you are boxing up those bees, look and see if you can find me a very angry nest of hornets.
There is a certain evil lawyer on the coast that I would love to send a whole box of them to.

American Idol Finale

My dog, Camo, loves American Idol. Twice a week we have to watch it come hell or high water. That stupid dog can't even sing and sometimes I don't even get to watch NCIS!
Tonight is the big finale, so be sure to tune in. I am sure when it is over Camo will want to watch Harry Potter (again).
Camo is pulling for Scotty.

A Christmas Place Golf Junket

The best thing about going on a golf junket to the famous Christmas Place is that you still have time to shoot a big fat hog. Trent took his friend Carey Hart down to visit with us and Trent blasted this hog on friday afternoon.

The golf was average to awful for most of us, but this pic is of the group as we got ready to go over to Ribeyes for the big Crawfish Boil and Party in Yazoo city. I can't reveal what happened there under penalty of death but there were a lot of big women with tatoos stalking the dance floor.

Larry Trent, Bebo Howell, Trent Howell, Carey Hart, Mike Edwards
After Saturday night, they have all politely been told to stay the hell out of Yazoo City by the local police.

Golf Trip

While the whole delta is worrying about the levee breaking and thousands of acres going underwater, we are going down there for a golf trip. Hope the golf course is not submerged. Bebo, Mike edwards, Me, and Larry Trent are the golfers this year as the rest of the panty waist opted out this year.
My evil brother, (no, Paul, the one from the coast)is headed to New York City to go shopping, see a play and hobnob with Donald Trump. He did promise to bring me back some of that picante sauce.
Will try to get some pics of the high water and of my winnings.

How High's The Water Thunderhoof?

for those wondering about the water at the famous Christmas Place, we haven't received any flooding yet but check Marians's blog for some great pics of the flooding at Vicksburg.

We are expecting the water to get close to us but have not seen anything yet.

Duck Hill, MS

Chief Duck

You Missed The Fish

You missed the Crappie Festival.
the Five Flounders put on a great rock show and the catfish Kings closed the night with "Old Man River"

The Hip-Boot parade was awesome as everyone marched in step in their hip boots and waders down to fish on O'tucalofa Creek on the edge of town.
Malinda Jigpole won best pet in the "Walk Your Carp" event and everyone enjoyed the Nightcrawler ice cream.
You missed it.

Executive Committee Decree #1

That VoldeTrent is getting serious.

West, MS

Denise and I traveled up old Hwy 51 on our last trip back from camp and went through the little town of West, MS.
Its' glory days are gone but it was neat and clean. All the old store fronts had been painted and kept and the old depot looked brand new.
We were very impressed with what we saw.

Paul-Bin-Laden

NEWS ALERT!!!!

Stunning Photos of famous Terrorist found!

Fishfood, Pakistan> This photo was snapped of the mysterious and evil terrorist as he tried to escape. Note the dead snake eyes and evil smirk.

You can see that he had cut his beard, thus changing his whole appearance. What a terrifying monster.

Hey! Wait a minute,that guy looks familiar!

One Down, One To Go

Paul's Rebel Dream

This weekend my evil brother, Paul, came up to look around for a place to invest his ill-gotten gains. He loaded up everyone from the coast that had two nickels to rub together and came roaring into Oxford to find a mansion that he could make his home away from home.
He brought Mark and Donna Rose and Terry and Pam Cutrere to invest in his scheme but they were trying hard to hold onto their nickels.

We looked at all the big houses in town and had a great time, but I thnk his mouth may be bigger than his wallet.
We checked out Woodland hills, went out to Steeplechase and even looked at a house at Grand Oaks. A couple of the homes actually would be great investments and I don't want to burst his dream of brass buttons and big cigars but he might have to downgrade his thinking just a little.

We all enjoyed the double-Decker Festival and listened to the bands and walked the square and it was fun, but I don't expect Paul to pull the trigger on a home up here anytime soon.

On the bright side I recently heard of a great buy on a million dollar piece of property in Pakistan that he can probably buy at a really cheap price. The owner recently died of lead poisoning and it will be on the market soon.

The Royal Honeymoon

In a couple of weeks, William and Kate (Duke and Duchess of Cambridge) should be at the famous Christmas Place for a relaxing weekend before they head home to begin their duties. Of course the last time the Queen was here, someone shot a hole in one of her guards big bear skin hats. Paul even tried to sue her and Dad kept hitting on her. She was not impressed. Of course they all love Thunderhoof for some reason I can't understand. Congratulations to the Royal Couple!

We're Still Here

After a crazy two days of unbelievable storms and tornados; the sun is out and we are still here. Yesterday I went to Charleston and a report said "tornado heading for Charleston!" I took off and headed toward Oakland. The radio said "tornado heading toward Oakland!" I punched the gas and headed home along the edge of Enid Lake. The radio screamed "tornado heading toward Enid Lake!" Crap! I floored it. I felt like the damn tornados were riding my bumper all the way back.
Thank goodness it is over.

Easter At Camp

Almost every Easter we head to camp for one of our few relaxing weekends. Yes, turkey season is still on but there is usually no rush to do anything. The woods are vibrant and alive and it is the perfect time to get out, see the woods, look for antlers, hog hunt or even fish.
Sunday we head to church. We either go into the little town of Eden or we go into Yazoo City to one of the big churches.
Wanda says she is going to cook a big meal for us Saturday night so that will be fun too. I want to go over to Vaiden and look at the old house I posted about if Denise will go with me.
I might even take Erin out to shoot a turkey.

The Rain, The Camp and Thunderhoof

Rain, Rain, Rain at the famous Christmas Place

Kim Shrugged

Denise and I met my friend, the Mailrider, and his wife Kim to go see the new movie Atlas Shrugged in Memphis. Mr. Jones showed up too.

The movie was good but I think it was made more for the people that have read the book than the average viewer. A lot of the intensity about the decay of the world and the stand that a few highly motivated industrialist  made was not really explained well. Mark and Kim have never read the book. They were completely lost. I am glad to see the movie is being produced and will go see the rest of it when it comes out, but I missed the intensity that the book held.

Later we went to dinner and had a great time having a drink, catching up and then a pretty good meal. Denise and I made it home near 2AM.

Who Stole The Damn Diggers?

Dad and Trent went to camp this weekend and those two deaf idiots had a rough time of it. Trent swears the turkeys were gobbling between them and Dad hasn't heard a turkey yet. Dad did see 7 turkeys and Trent got a 125lb. hog. A pretty good weekend.
While figuring out how to work in the garden that afternoon, Dad noticed the post-hole diggers were missing. Of course the blame has already spread to Burney, then to Paul and now to guess who, Rex and Mark. Yes, Mark, your thieving butt is right in the middle of this. So now all I can hear is where did you lose the post-hole diggers, yada-yada-yada. I know that evil brother of mine did it, no the other one from the coast. I am not buying new post-hole diggers.

Memories Of Memphis

Heading to Memphis tomorrow to see Atlas Shrugged but just going reminds me of this song, the Peabody and the old Commodore Hotel.

Dixie Chicken

$9900

3000 sf hmmmmmmm........

Grandpa And Roswell Vindicated

Looks like they finally admitted the stories were true.
FBI ROSWELL MEMO
Now if they would find somewhere else to park their damn space ships than the Christmas Place.

Honey Pecans

a recent note from my brother James says that running a pecan business in Arkansas is extremely hard. Every squirrel, turkey, rabbit, deer or other varmint in the State of Arkansas is feasting on his pecans. They can't stay ahead of them. There is only one way to get rid of the critters. Gonna sting every one that dares tromp across their orchards. That will teach them a lesson.

Enjoying The Opry

You don't have to go to Nashville to enjoy fine country music. You can slip over to the Tula Opry out from Oxford for a night of good clean music, dancing,relaxing and having fun with some wonderful friends. Email Gene and she will give you directions. It might be the most inexpensive good time you can have.

Real Golf

Tomorrow the Masters starts and once again my invite is lost in the mail. That stupid Thunderhoof had a ticket tied on his antler as he left camp Sunday. I'm sure he will have a great time over there. The weather has been cold but today it is finally warming up. The Masters is more fun when they have some weather problems. Maybe I can get in a few rounds this weekend.

Real Estate News From Rt. 3 Mississippi

I live in a rural area compared to most anyplace in the U.S. and sometimes the things the state of Mississippi or others do can really put a burr under my saddle, especially when it concerns my business.
1. The Senate caved and is going to allow real estate salesmen/brokers to do Broker Price Opinions. Mississippi was about the only state that had held the line to allow appraisers to do this. The NAR has been after them and they finally gave in and are allowing a limited way for sales people to do these. That is crap. Once the door is open, you can't close it. Good Luck with your so-called appraisal.
2. The NAR (National Association of Realtors) just sent me an email telling me how great their lobbying group was and how the Realtors are so well entrenched at the front lines on getting recognized for all the bills they are interested in. Yada-Yada-Yada. The want to increase my dues to be even bigger. I didn't join to be a Realtor to pay lobbyist to hang around Washington. I can assure you that they don't give a rat's ass what I think anyway. Screw 'em.
Looks like I have some decisions to make, just to survive.
This is my rant for the day. see you later.

Saturday

I went to camp on Saturday and the weather was fantastic. Blue skies, warm weather, and everything was so green that it was almost breathtaking. Dad, Paul and Tim went up to the lake and caught a whole cooler full of crappie in about two hours while Camo and I went exploring the woods. I found a nice piece of petrified wood and gave it to Tim for a keepsake. It was a fun relaxing weekend with no turkeys taken but fun had by all.
It was a great day to be out and about.

The Big Shindig

The big Shindig at Mary Lou and Snooky's is set for April 14. There is going to be a ball at Dagger Hall!!!!!!!! Be There.