Thursday, April 19, 2007

Moving Mr. Othmar

Moola, BC, Canada> Deer season is over and I have been very worried about Othmar Vohringer having to move into a new house. I decided to go up and help him, unlike some other Canuckian Bloggers. Why stay here? Hell, anyone can kill a turkey.
I flew up, rented a car and headed to his new digs. I pulled into a service station, got some gas and asked the kid if he knew where Othmar Vohringer lived. He said “You mean, Mr. Othmar?” I said yes and he pointed up a winding road called Money Bucks Lane. I took off. Mr. Othmar? Mr. Othmar?
I noticed the 10 foot ivy covered wall that bordered the road, followed it and finally arrived at the heavily barred gate. I got out and looked through the bars. The private security guard came out of his cubicle, met me and asked what did I want? I asked if Othmar was at home? He said “You mean, Mr. Othmar?”
“Uhhh, yes? I replied. He said “I’m sorry, Mr. Othmar is unavailable to talk to the riff-raff today.” I looked out across the immense manicured and landscaped yard and said “I see”. The guard patiently waited while I took in the 4 story mansion, flowing fountains, yard sculptures, winding gardens, and I could see the edge of a gigantic lake at the bottom of the hill. There were deer and turkey grazing all over the place! Then something about the sculptures seemed familiar. I recognized them! They were all from my part of the world! I took pictures after I got home just to be sure.
An eight foot tall bear stood in front of a flowing fountain. I asked the guard about it and he said, “Oh, yes! Mr. Remington sent that to him for his birthday.”

I glanced down to the edge of a perfectly manicured garden at a stunning sculpture of a magnificent moose and asked about it. He said “Yes, Sir! Mr. Moose sent that to him for Christmas.”

All around the magnificent grounds I saw different kinds of animals. Most were beautiful deer. Bucks and does tastefully placed in eye catching areas. I asked and he said “Most of those came from his friends around the globe.
I was bug-eyed and unbelieving.

Right in front of the circle drive was another giant sculpture of a 6 foot tall Buffalo. I managed to point at it and he said “ His friends from North Dakota sent that for a house-warming present.
I staggered back from the gate and said “Where, exactly is Mr. Othmar today?” The guard replied “He received a new gold plated casting rod called a BIO rod from his friends in Virginia and he and all of his close blogging friends are out on his yacht in the lake fishing today.” I asked the guard to direct me to the nearest bar.
If you want to live like the rich and famous Mr. Othmar order your sculptures from L&M Reproduction Antiques in Coffeeville, MS>


Marian said...

Hey Rex - do I take this with a grain of salt???

Bill Anderson said...

Come on up and visit us at Muskoka Outdoors - I'll show you the lair of the swamp buck! I don't have sculptures up here though!

Editor said...

well, glad to see you are still alive, old friend.

blogagog said...

Um, anyone CAN'T kill a turkey when anyone wants to. I bought the sticker 2 years running, and have yet to see one in season (although out of season, a female bird was walking around my vegetable garden like she owned the place... and I think she gave me the middle claw!).

Anonymous said...

Her ladyship and I offer our sincere apologies to you for the rather rude treatment you received at the hands of our incompetent guardsman. He has been removed from his post to the stables where he now shovels manure. In times of our ancestors he would have been flogged, so he should count his undeserving blessings for living in different times.

ROFL. This is just what I needed to read to make my day. I like your humor and thanks for the link to my blog. The only sad thing is, that I really wish we would live in a place you describe in your post. Imagine, we could hunt deer and turkeys from the bedroom window and fishing would be only a walk away. But then again that might get boring after a while too.

-Othmar Vohringer-

Editor said...

glad to bring a smile to your face my friend. You can take a joke, and give it back. It is an honor to have you as a friend.
PS- Blogagog, you can't kill turkeys with toast.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a hunter, but I am a gun enthusiast and never leave home without one.

I was born in Mississippi, but never lived there. I'm a Tennessee gal living on the Tennessee River. At my parents house near Pickwick Dam, when I was a kid, we had deer (and turkey) that would walk through the woods right through our yard.

One day my dad saw several deer walking through the yard, grabbed his rifle, ran outside, and was chasing the deer round and round the house. It was funny. He never even aimed the rifle at them.

He would feed them apples, corn, which he grew. But he also allowed neighbors and friends to hunt on our land and we always had deer in the freezer.

I'll look forward to your future escapades.

Right Truth

Debbie said...

Oops, that wasn't supposed to be anonymous. sorry

Editor said...

thanks Debbie,
think I might have found a new friend.
glad you enjoy the stories as much as I enjoy your standing up for what is right

Matt said...

Pretty funny. Thanks for the link.

Kevin C. Paulson said...


YOU ROCK>>>> That single post made my entire weekend... Too funny...

Anytime you feel like guest writing for just let me know!