The Arkansas BeeKeeper

Hey James! While you are boxing up those bees, look and see if you can find me a very angry nest of hornets.
There is a certain evil lawyer on the coast that I would love to send a whole box of them to.

American Idol Finale

My dog, Camo, loves American Idol. Twice a week we have to watch it come hell or high water. That stupid dog can't even sing and sometimes I don't even get to watch NCIS!
Tonight is the big finale, so be sure to tune in. I am sure when it is over Camo will want to watch Harry Potter (again).
Camo is pulling for Scotty.

A Christmas Place Golf Junket

The best thing about going on a golf junket to the famous Christmas Place is that you still have time to shoot a big fat hog. Trent took his friend Carey Hart down to visit with us and Trent blasted this hog on friday afternoon.

The golf was average to awful for most of us, but this pic is of the group as we got ready to go over to Ribeyes for the big Crawfish Boil and Party in Yazoo city. I can't reveal what happened there under penalty of death but there were a lot of big women with tatoos stalking the dance floor.

Larry Trent, Bebo Howell, Trent Howell, Carey Hart, Mike Edwards
After Saturday night, they have all politely been told to stay the hell out of Yazoo City by the local police.

Golf Trip

While the whole delta is worrying about the levee breaking and thousands of acres going underwater, we are going down there for a golf trip. Hope the golf course is not submerged. Bebo, Mike edwards, Me, and Larry Trent are the golfers this year as the rest of the panty waist opted out this year.
My evil brother, (no, Paul, the one from the coast)is headed to New York City to go shopping, see a play and hobnob with Donald Trump. He did promise to bring me back some of that picante sauce.
Will try to get some pics of the high water and of my winnings.

How High's The Water Thunderhoof?

for those wondering about the water at the famous Christmas Place, we haven't received any flooding yet but check Marians's blog for some great pics of the flooding at Vicksburg.

We are expecting the water to get close to us but have not seen anything yet.

Duck Hill, MS

Chief Duck

You Missed The Fish

You missed the Crappie Festival.
the Five Flounders put on a great rock show and the catfish Kings closed the night with "Old Man River"

The Hip-Boot parade was awesome as everyone marched in step in their hip boots and waders down to fish on O'tucalofa Creek on the edge of town.
Malinda Jigpole won best pet in the "Walk Your Carp" event and everyone enjoyed the Nightcrawler ice cream.
You missed it.

Executive Committee Decree #1

That VoldeTrent is getting serious.

West, MS

Denise and I traveled up old Hwy 51 on our last trip back from camp and went through the little town of West, MS.
Its' glory days are gone but it was neat and clean. All the old store fronts had been painted and kept and the old depot looked brand new.
We were very impressed with what we saw.

Paul-Bin-Laden

NEWS ALERT!!!!

Stunning Photos of famous Terrorist found!

Fishfood, Pakistan> This photo was snapped of the mysterious and evil terrorist as he tried to escape. Note the dead snake eyes and evil smirk.

You can see that he had cut his beard, thus changing his whole appearance. What a terrifying monster.

Hey! Wait a minute,that guy looks familiar!

One Down, One To Go

Paul's Rebel Dream

This weekend my evil brother, Paul, came up to look around for a place to invest his ill-gotten gains. He loaded up everyone from the coast that had two nickels to rub together and came roaring into Oxford to find a mansion that he could make his home away from home.
He brought Mark and Donna Rose and Terry and Pam Cutrere to invest in his scheme but they were trying hard to hold onto their nickels.

We looked at all the big houses in town and had a great time, but I thnk his mouth may be bigger than his wallet.
We checked out Woodland hills, went out to Steeplechase and even looked at a house at Grand Oaks. A couple of the homes actually would be great investments and I don't want to burst his dream of brass buttons and big cigars but he might have to downgrade his thinking just a little.

We all enjoyed the double-Decker Festival and listened to the bands and walked the square and it was fun, but I don't expect Paul to pull the trigger on a home up here anytime soon.

On the bright side I recently heard of a great buy on a million dollar piece of property in Pakistan that he can probably buy at a really cheap price. The owner recently died of lead poisoning and it will be on the market soon.

The Royal Honeymoon

In a couple of weeks, William and Kate (Duke and Duchess of Cambridge) should be at the famous Christmas Place for a relaxing weekend before they head home to begin their duties. Of course the last time the Queen was here, someone shot a hole in one of her guards big bear skin hats. Paul even tried to sue her and Dad kept hitting on her. She was not impressed. Of course they all love Thunderhoof for some reason I can't understand. Congratulations to the Royal Couple!

We're Still Here

After a crazy two days of unbelievable storms and tornados; the sun is out and we are still here. Yesterday I went to Charleston and a report said "tornado heading for Charleston!" I took off and headed toward Oakland. The radio said "tornado heading toward Oakland!" I punched the gas and headed home along the edge of Enid Lake. The radio screamed "tornado heading toward Enid Lake!" Crap! I floored it. I felt like the damn tornados were riding my bumper all the way back.
Thank goodness it is over.

Easter At Camp

Almost every Easter we head to camp for one of our few relaxing weekends. Yes, turkey season is still on but there is usually no rush to do anything. The woods are vibrant and alive and it is the perfect time to get out, see the woods, look for antlers, hog hunt or even fish.
Sunday we head to church. We either go into the little town of Eden or we go into Yazoo City to one of the big churches.
Wanda says she is going to cook a big meal for us Saturday night so that will be fun too. I want to go over to Vaiden and look at the old house I posted about if Denise will go with me.
I might even take Erin out to shoot a turkey.

The Rain, The Camp and Thunderhoof

Rain, Rain, Rain at the famous Christmas Place

Kim Shrugged

Denise and I met my friend, the Mailrider, and his wife Kim to go see the new movie Atlas Shrugged in Memphis. Mr. Jones showed up too.

The movie was good but I think it was made more for the people that have read the book than the average viewer. A lot of the intensity about the decay of the world and the stand that a few highly motivated industrialist  made was not really explained well. Mark and Kim have never read the book. They were completely lost. I am glad to see the movie is being produced and will go see the rest of it when it comes out, but I missed the intensity that the book held.

Later we went to dinner and had a great time having a drink, catching up and then a pretty good meal. Denise and I made it home near 2AM.

Who Stole The Damn Diggers?

Dad and Trent went to camp this weekend and those two deaf idiots had a rough time of it. Trent swears the turkeys were gobbling between them and Dad hasn't heard a turkey yet. Dad did see 7 turkeys and Trent got a 125lb. hog. A pretty good weekend.
While figuring out how to work in the garden that afternoon, Dad noticed the post-hole diggers were missing. Of course the blame has already spread to Burney, then to Paul and now to guess who, Rex and Mark. Yes, Mark, your thieving butt is right in the middle of this. So now all I can hear is where did you lose the post-hole diggers, yada-yada-yada. I know that evil brother of mine did it, no the other one from the coast. I am not buying new post-hole diggers.

Memories Of Memphis

Heading to Memphis tomorrow to see Atlas Shrugged but just going reminds me of this song, the Peabody and the old Commodore Hotel.

Dixie Chicken

$9900

3000 sf hmmmmmmm........

Grandpa And Roswell Vindicated

Looks like they finally admitted the stories were true.
FBI ROSWELL MEMO
Now if they would find somewhere else to park their damn space ships than the Christmas Place.

Honey Pecans

a recent note from my brother James says that running a pecan business in Arkansas is extremely hard. Every squirrel, turkey, rabbit, deer or other varmint in the State of Arkansas is feasting on his pecans. They can't stay ahead of them. There is only one way to get rid of the critters. Gonna sting every one that dares tromp across their orchards. That will teach them a lesson.

Enjoying The Opry

You don't have to go to Nashville to enjoy fine country music. You can slip over to the Tula Opry out from Oxford for a night of good clean music, dancing,relaxing and having fun with some wonderful friends. Email Gene and she will give you directions. It might be the most inexpensive good time you can have.

Real Golf

Tomorrow the Masters starts and once again my invite is lost in the mail. That stupid Thunderhoof had a ticket tied on his antler as he left camp Sunday. I'm sure he will have a great time over there. The weather has been cold but today it is finally warming up. The Masters is more fun when they have some weather problems. Maybe I can get in a few rounds this weekend.

Real Estate News From Rt. 3 Mississippi

I live in a rural area compared to most anyplace in the U.S. and sometimes the things the state of Mississippi or others do can really put a burr under my saddle, especially when it concerns my business.
1. The Senate caved and is going to allow real estate salesmen/brokers to do Broker Price Opinions. Mississippi was about the only state that had held the line to allow appraisers to do this. The NAR has been after them and they finally gave in and are allowing a limited way for sales people to do these. That is crap. Once the door is open, you can't close it. Good Luck with your so-called appraisal.
2. The NAR (National Association of Realtors) just sent me an email telling me how great their lobbying group was and how the Realtors are so well entrenched at the front lines on getting recognized for all the bills they are interested in. Yada-Yada-Yada. The want to increase my dues to be even bigger. I didn't join to be a Realtor to pay lobbyist to hang around Washington. I can assure you that they don't give a rat's ass what I think anyway. Screw 'em.
Looks like I have some decisions to make, just to survive.
This is my rant for the day. see you later.

Saturday

I went to camp on Saturday and the weather was fantastic. Blue skies, warm weather, and everything was so green that it was almost breathtaking. Dad, Paul and Tim went up to the lake and caught a whole cooler full of crappie in about two hours while Camo and I went exploring the woods. I found a nice piece of petrified wood and gave it to Tim for a keepsake. It was a fun relaxing weekend with no turkeys taken but fun had by all.
It was a great day to be out and about.

The Big Shindig

The big Shindig at Mary Lou and Snooky's is set for April 14. There is going to be a ball at Dagger Hall!!!!!!!! Be There.

Who Is Thunderhoof?

or for that matter, Who is John Galt?
(Part 1) April 15th.

Hog Feathers

It was a cool weekend at the famous Christmas Place Hog Farm as the turkey hunters roamed the woods looking for a big gobbler. Paul heard several and Dad saw at least one turkey but they did not respond to the calls. Meanwhile, Trent was wearing out his gun barrel blasting hogs up at the Secret Field. He managed to take two up there this weekend. When it gets warm enough, it looks like a hog Bar-B-Que will be coming up.

Good-Bye Ma Bell

I got rid of my landline.
This week I changed the lines at my office over to another carrier.
I am saving $350-$400 per month by doing this.
No wonder everyone is leaving Ma Bell.

New Name For Deer Hunting

If you live in one of those crazy places where you are made to feel as if you should apologize for being a deer hunter, worry no more!
Now instead of deer hunting you can say "kinetic removal of free range deer"
I swear to God, if I have to hear or put up with any more of this political correctness bs...................

Fox Vs Turkey = Dead Turkey

Gobbleville, MS> Hershel Howell aka (the silver fox), retired oil tycoon, famous author and skiller hunter still has it at the age of 83. He blasted this big turkey near the base of the leevee this past weekend. After his horrible hunts last year he thought it was time to hang up his spurs, but it looks like the turkey will be hanging up his instead. Congratulations on this nice bird with a 9-inch beard!

The Secret To Golf

Mr. Jones and I played golf on Sunday and I was going along playing really well for this time of year. Hey, I was even par and on cruise. I hit a great tee shot down the middle and was staring a birdie in the face if I could just hit it tight in there. This was the mistake. Clank! Whack! 3 or 4 shots later I was at the next hole and I continued to flail at the ball like it was a snake.
When we finished I realized that I was doing great until I started thinking, then it all went to hell. So to be a good golfer you have to either not have a brain or be a complete moron.

Come as You Aren't

Be there Saturday night. do something different, do something fun. It is also for a good cause. No, I am not dressing up as Mark (Mailrider) or something evil like a lawyer and that damn deer better not be there.

North Mississippi Herald
The “Come As You Aren’t” Costume Party/Dance Saturday night at Bozarts Gallery might even attract a few aliens to help raise funds for the Water Valley Art Council. Pati D’Amico and Bill Warren are showing off their other worldly outfits for the event which begins at 7:30. Tickets are $10 at the door. Though costumes are not required, there will be prizes awarded for the funniest, most beautiful, and most original costumes. For further info contact Ramona Bernard at 473-9851 or ramona.bernard@gmail.com or Warren at 473-0972.

The Deer Hunters Woe

"Oh, woe is me!”
Ever I sit lonely in my tree.
No deer to sooth me,
Alas, no tempting horns can I see,
deep in the forest running free

“Oh woe is me!”
My fair weapon rusted in the rain
I look, I search to end my pain
While others brag of their fair gain
Alone I struggle with my bane.

“Oh woe is me!”
The giant buck, a beast of fame,
withers my hopes. Alas! my shame.
for knowing that his stride is game
I hunt, I seek to ever claim his name

“Oh woe is me!”
Forsooth to place his horns upon my roof
and ever brag of mighty Thunderhoof!

Shakyspear

A New Old Friend

Yes, I am on Facebook and for some reason most of my friends seem to be Insurance Agents. Very damn strange, but today an old friend contacted me and we are now friends (again). Bill was my best friend growing up and we drifted apart as we grew older, but there was a time when we hunted and fished all the time together, we chased the same girls, explored every scope of woods and hills in our part of the world, we skiied, drank, and spent weeks at the beach. We enjoyed life like it would never change. We graduated and went seperate ways. He went to the Army and I went to college and it was never the same again. I hope we can renew that friendship and I hope there is someone out there that you can renew old ties with again too.
There are some tremendous stories of things that we did that I will try to put on here as I can put them together.

No Fowl, No Pork, No Birdies

There was no blasting at the famous Christmas Place this weekend as no hogs or turkeys showed themselves. Paul has gone into withdrawal pains.
Even the fish weren't biting. Looks like another week before the turkeys get into strutting their stuff.
On the bright side, I did take Mr. Jones and go play golf this weekend. It was not a complete disaster as we both shot around 90 using liberal winter rules. A good start there anyway.

Appreciating The Arts

Living in Water Valley, you do not find much appreciation for the Arts. This is a rural farm community of about 3000 hard working people that wouldn't take time to spit on the Mona Lisa if it was on fire.
These people are missing a very fun time by not attending the premieres at Bozarts studio.
Dress halfway decent, go in and visit with everyone, drink as much champagne, and eat as much food as possible. Pretend that you really like and understand the art. Ogle all the hot girls in their revealing dresses, dance if there is music, drink some more. It is always a very fun time and you meet some really interesting people. If you are in town tonight, go by there, everyone will be glad to see you and you will have a good time.

Turkey Season Starts Saturday

With all the hog blasting and skulking around to shoot one, the turkey season has slipped up on us. Dad left for camp this morning to finalize his blinds and try to roost a big gobbler.
I made the suggestion before he left that it would be wise to keep some buckshot or slugs handy in case hogs come out on him. Might get kind of hairy in a hurry.
Since there is killing to be done, my evil brother will be there. No, the one on the coast. Paul is also bringing up the illustrious walking encyclopedia, David Hyde. He never met a hog that didn't look better with a bullet in it.
Ought to be an interesting weekend.

You Say It's My Birthday

Another year older and deeper in debt.
Thanks for the many birthday wishes. Thunderhoof even texted me!

Hungry Yankees

The boys from Minnesota were down for the hog hunt and hungry to get a big porker to take home. They are exceptionally good people and were a joy to be around. They did everything in their power to get a hog but no success. They probably need a better guide than me.
We are looking forward to them coming back to try it again.

This is Jacob, Joe and Ron and even though they talk funny we really enjoyed them coming to camp.

Hog Camp 2011

Success! The hog camp of 2011 was a great success as we eliminated three hogs and had several other close encounters. Tony killed this prehistoric looking porker off in one of the big hollows by the lake.

Here is Tony and Robert (our cousin)

Hog Lust

Unlike Phillip at the Hog Blog, I do not suffer from lusting after the blood of those nasty damn hogs. But, it is amazing to me the people that do.
One of the jokes in our camp is
If Mark had two bullets and a trophy buck and a hog came out in front of him, what would he do?
The answer is- shoot the hog twice.
Lots and lots of people that do not care for deer hunting can not wait to get a crack at a hog.
Maybe one day Phillip will come down to visit, maybe bring Holly with him, and show us how the heck you really get after those hogs. Waiting.

Yankee Hog Rules

As stated we are bringing in a bunch of Yankees to hog hunt this weekend and it could get dangerous. Here are some rules for them to observe.
1. Don't shoot the Saquatches. I don't know what the fine is for that and don't want to know.
2. Hogs and deer are different animals and species. Look hard before shooting.
3. Burney and I are not hogs, don't shoot us either.
4. Camo is not a hog either and she don't care much for Yankees.
5. Don't mess with Two-Gun Tony, I don't want to have to clean up any blood.
6. Mark and Tony work for the Post Office. Please don't ask about weapons or psych evaluations in front of them.
7. If you are attacked by a hog, be quiet. Other people are hunting.
8. Have a good time and don't blow your damn fool head off.

The Sasquatch Files

I went over to Moose Droppings to check up on the search for Bigfoot. The big circus they had up there looking for him was all done completely wrong. Why do you look for him? The main thing you want is a picture and his autograph of course. He is almost as famous as Elvis! The sasquatches, sasquati, whatever, on our property are just as elusive as those in North Carolina and I can't get them to sit still for a picture. If they do, they ham it up so bad no one believes the pics are real. I am going to do some sleuthing this summer and find out more about them and why they spend their summer vacations at the famous Christmas Place. Will be reporting more on them later.

Ghillie Boys' Birthday

Today is Spencers birthday. The first thing to remember is that all the cool stuff happens when you are 16. He is going to have a very interesting year. The most important thing though is that he was born on National Pancake Day. Yes that is today and of course it's all the pancakes you can eat. Congratulations to a fine kid that is really interested in joining the Marines and is looking forward to serving his country.
As you can tell from his shooting ability, he wants to be a sniper.

A Tarnished Weekend

So I am watching the Academy awards and who do I see sitting up there with his buddies Tom Hanks and Brad Pitt? That's right, that stupid deer, Thunderhoof, was schmoozing with the celebrities. I just turned it off.
No hog info this week either. It is very quiet. In fact neither one of my evil brothers has talked to me this morning. Thank God!
Tomorrow is Spencers Birthday! This means drivers license to him so expect to see more of him at camp this year. No more excuses.
I wonder when they are going to make a movie out of my blog?

Hog Death 2011

The big hog hunt is set for next weekend and we have a herd of Yankees coming down to enjoy it. Burney, Mailrider and myself will be hosting and there is a chance that my old friend Mr. jones (Scratch) will be joining us. There is also a good chance that Two-Gun Tony will be coming too. That, by itself, should scare the hell out of the Yankees.
Hunting these unpredictable and vicious hogs is hard and dangerous work and I only expect for one or two of our guests to be gored and eaten.
Should be a fun time.

While I'm Ranting

Let me introduce you to Bear over at The Redneck Rant. He is blogging over in Pennsylvania of which I know little except that I did pass by Miss Jennys place once, wanted pancakes but Mailrider wouldn't stop and visited Gettysburg. That's a different story though.
Bear takes on everyone and loves hot music, the south, hunting and everything country you can imagine and is not a damn bit apologetic about any of it.
Looks like he is a pretty good hunter, and a good shot too.
Go over and visit him and tell him to keep blogging!

Death to Somalia

I usually don't go off on rants. I mostly leave that to Long Tall Becky or the charming and perceptive GuyK, but these damn pirates have really pissed me off. You need to read the headline. Pirates Kill 4 American Hostages on Yacht. What in the hell is the President doing? What the hell is our military thinking? Who the hell is in charge? It is time to go back to the Roosevelt ultimatum with these g.d people. "Pedicaris alive or Razuli dead"
It is time for warships off the coast of Somalia and a whole lot of worthless dead m.f pirates. Get off your asses. Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 Year Blogoversary

In February of 2006 I started writing on this blog. I had no idea how to start and which direction it would go. I only hoped to write down the wonderful stories I had heard growing up on paper for the future. Thunderhoof was barely an idea in my head and I had no knowledge that I had an affinity for writing short ghost stories. (ed. note... Thunderhoof is real and all stories told here are completely true.)
I did not believe people would actually read my blog or tell me how much they enjoy it. I also did not know the friends out there that I would make if only on the internet. I hope to meet each and every blogger that I have crossed paths with one day. So I continue, there are a lot more stories and the famous Christmas Place is full of them. I am old, ancient for a blogger now, but still enjoying it. I hope you will visit often. Thanks for reading.

Appraisers See History

One of the fun things about being an appraiser is the chance to see and touch history. Exploring old vacant homes and buildings gives you a chance to really look at the architecture used when it was built and to discover things that have been ignored, lost or just plain forgotten.
Recently I had the chance to appraise an old bank. Inside was the original safe from probably 1890-1900. Very cool. There were also many files here that had historical significance that need to be saved. If anyone knows how to contact the Yalobusha Historical Society, please leave a comment.

The Battle of Coffeeville

There is little in the history books and no set aside battlefield to mark the importance of the Battle of Coffeeville. Recently a marker was posted that at least marks that it really happened.
A trap was set as the Yankees moved through my hometown of Water Valley and headed down the railroad and old Coffeeville road to take Coffeeville. The Yankees were strung out over two miles of road and moseying along when the trap was sprung and the Confederates opened fire with cannon, musketfiree and crazed calvary. The Rebs caught them completely by surprise. Needless to say it was a rout and the reeling Yankees skedaddled back up north of Water Valley to lick their wounds and ended up retreating back to Memphis. This battle effectively stopped Grant's first advance on Vicksburg.

Valentines' Day Confusion

It is Valentines Day and once again I am totally confused. I need to get something nice for Denise today and maybe go out somewhere nice for a dinner.
But what about Camo? Do I need to get her something? And what about Thunderhoof? That stupid deer has survived hunting season once again. What can I get him? This is confusing. Suggestions needed (quick)

Icy Golf

Yesterday after I got home I went and found my golf clubs and pulled them out. After a few rusty swings I headed out to use them. I spent the rest of the day breaking ice off of my driveway with a damn 7-iron. I really need some relief.

White Out

Once again I ask, is this winter never going to end?
We are covered in snow (again) and I am tired.
I want to fish, and play golf, and enjoy being outdoors.
This is ridiculous.

Tricksy Snow Hogs

Another massive cold front is moving into the South today and it is bringing a ton of snow with it. How in the hell am I going to blast a hog in a blizzard? Those varmints root up under the snow so you can't see them and when you walk by, they spring up and gore you to death. Everyone knows that. Ask Phillip. And the white hogs, they blend in to the snow perfectly as they creep up on you for that death slash. Yes, really. Everyone knows that. Ask Bob.
It is not going to be fit weather for man nor beast this weekend. Guess I will stay home by the fire while other fools go die in the snow.

Easy SuperBowl Money

I watched the SuperBowl Sunday and of course knew who was going to win before the game started. The TV panned to the owners box and there were a bunch of zillionaires, a President or two and Thunderhoof up there having a great time. That stupid deer had a big cheese head thing on his head.
Game, set, match.

Belated Birthday Greetings

Paul Howell, crooked lawyer and ambulance chaser, professional killer and man of many useless words had his birthday this weekend. Yes, he is old as dirt. Congratulations on another year and hope you have many, many more happy birthdays brother.

Blasted Tailfeathers

Paul and his cronies made a last duck hunting trip over in Arkansas. I am sure the wardens are still looking for them.

Who Needs 72 Virgins?

Paul and his cronies in Heaven

A Final Hog

This past weekend my cousin Davin Lammey and his son Dean came down to visit. Davin got a doe and Dean got this nice hog. They are pictured here with Burney. A very good final hog for deer season.