Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Old Jokes With a Christmas Place Twist

Paul Howell and Trent Howell decided to hunt the back of the famous Christmas Place and went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Paul awoke and nudged his sleepy brother
“Trent, look up and tell me what you see."
Trent replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?” Paul asked,
Trent pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Paul was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Trent, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."
It was Saturday morning and Rex, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He goes down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his fiancee, Denise, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Rex asks her, What are you up to? Denise smiles, I'm going hunting with you! Rex, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Rex sets Denise safely up in the tree stand and tells her: If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and shoot. I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot. Rex walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Denise couldn't bag a chicken, let alone a deer. But not 15 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears several gunshots. Quickly, Rex starts running back to her treestand. As Rex gets closer, he hears Denise screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, Rex races faster towards his screaming fiancee. And again he hears her yell, :Get away from my deer!” Followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his fiancee’ Rex is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, ma’am, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”
One day Rex and Burney were Deer Hunting, and they got lost. Rex tells Burney "wait, don't panic I learned what to do in case this happens. Your supposed to shoot up into the air three times and someone will hear you and come with help,"
"Okay" said Burney. So he shoots three times into the air. They both wait an hour and no one shows up. So they shoot three times again and still no one shows up. Bewildered they try this again and again for the next couple of hours.
Rex starts to look a little worried, then he shouts "It better work this time, we’re down to our last three arrows!"
Rex and Jones were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Paul approached pulling his deer along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After Paul left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later Rex said to Jones, "You know, that Paul was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," Jones added
Hershel Howell was recently stopped by a game warden at the Famous Christmas Place Wet Hook Club recently with two buckets of fish leaving the lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked him, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
He replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
Hershel looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
He then poured the fish into the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to Hershel and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" Mr. Howell asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" he asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" he asked.

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